Rape. That word has changed my entire life. One in six women will experience attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. Only 28% of victims will report their rape. I, unfortunately, am the part of that data that did not report their rape. It still happened, though; I was raped.

I was raped by my boyfriend that I was dating at the time. How could someone that I had trusted with my life do that to me? I blamed myself. I felt that I must have done something for him to think that I wanted to have sex with him. Even though I said no, I still blamed myself. I had messed up.

I did not want anyone to look down on me.

Rape is that thing that you do not really think much about until it happens to you. You believe that it is something that happens to other people, not you. That is until it does. Rape is a thing that does occur in this world. This one word can break someone, and this action can kill someone.

I was raped five times by this boy. I was so ashamed of myself that I did not tell anyone for months. I cried every night in my room by myself for an entire year. I was slowly killing myself. I started drinking and partying. I would be this different person just to take the pain away. I shut out all of my friends just so I would not have to face anyone.

I was broken. I had no more motivation to live. I felt like dying every day. There was nothing for me in this world anymore. I went to this dark place where I was completely alone. I hated everything. I had become this angry and bitter girl. The one thing I wanted to give to my future husband was stolen from me. My innocence was taken like it was nothing.

I was treated like I was garbage.

I did not know how to cope with what happened to me, especially since I was the only one who knew. How do I live my life knowing that I will never be the same? I was happy and loving. I was the friend that always had her heart open. I was the girl who loved with everything in her. I would be friends with anyone. I wanted to be the person to make everyone happy. So how could I be the same person after I was raped?

I lost everything. I lost my innocence, I lost my love, I lost the light in my heart.

I became mean and heartless. It got to the point where I could not recognize who I was anymore. It was the loneliest I have ever been. It was also the hardest thing that I have ever been through. It has been four years and I still wake up in the middle of the night crying. I am still angry and bitter, but I don't let it control my life anymore.

I eventually had to wake up one day and tell someone. I had to let someone in. I could not go through that alone anymore. I mean, a couple of people knew, but I would not openly talk about for over a year. I finally told a close friend who talked me into telling my mom. I remember my mom crying and thinking that I shouldn't have told her, but I took a major step forward that day.

After I told my mom, I became more open about what had happened to me. I started writing about it. I would wake up in the morning and force myself to look in the mirror and I would tell myself that I was beautiful and worthy of love. I did not want to feel like a waste of space anymore. I wanted to want to live again.

I started to find things, even the smallest things, that would make me happy. To start off, I started staying out of my room and hanging out with my younger siblings more. Joking around with them, even if it was just for a few minutes, would help me for a couple of hours. I started to believe that what had happened to me was not my fault at all.

I started to get stronger each day. I would find myself smiling more, laughing more, and loving more. I loved the people around me and I started to love myself. I started to wake up earlier and stay up later. I would not hide in my room all day. I wanted to be around people. I started to feel that I was getting better. That was until I woke up one day and literally could not get out of bed.

I was furious. I could not believe that something was wrong with me still. I had worked so hard to get better and be okay. This could not be happening again. I became so angry. How could I go two steps forward, but five steps back? It did not make sense to me. I felt that the world was against me and it would be impossible for me to ever be okay again.

My life is still like that, three years later. I have really good days where I can be around people all day and genuinely be happy. I also have days where I feel like I cannot get out of my bed. On those days, all I want to do is cry and sleep. I try to get out of bed and go on with my day. My mind sometimes does get the best of me.

Rape can take away everything you love.

Rape did take away everything I ever loved, but it is my responsibility to get those things back. I will continue to fight for my life for as long as I live. I am determined to take my mind back, to make sure I remember that I am beautiful and I am worthy of love. I will have bad days, but I know on those bad days that that is what they are, just bad days.

I will never be silent about what had happened to me. I spent way too long suffering. It is time to stand up and speak out. It is time for women and men, boys and girls all around the world to say "me too." Time is up. We all need to take our lives back. This is our time now.

We are not victims, we are survivors. I am a survivor.

Halsey spoke at the 2018 Women's March and her words spoke to me. I think everyone should hear them. If you want to listen to them, here is the link:

The video does have strong content and language.