How Sending My Love To Your New Lover Set Me Free

How Sending My Love To Your New Lover Set Me Free

I'm giving you up but not forgetting it all in order to set myself free.
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I remember the day I heard those four bittersweet words:

"He's found someone new..."

I remember the day but not with clarity. It seemed as though my world that was cloudy but starting to let the sunshine through again was suddenly changed into a fog where nothing seemed real. I remember initially not registering what was said and simply saying what was expected of me, "Oh, well, I'm glad he's found someone who can make him happier than I could." But, after the initial shock wore off, my true feelings set in and my head and heart went into a whirlwind of feelings, memories of him and I, and questions.

Initially, I felt hurt. Hurt that you had moved on so fast; yet, here I was months later still looking at old pictures of us from time to time or rereading the old hand-written notes and poems. I was disappointed that I had now permanently lost someone I cared about more than I think I cared about myself and definitely more than any other lover to someone that I had never met. I was stunned that I could so easily be replaced when you said that I was incredible and the girl you adored. But, mostly, I felt angry and stupid. Stupidly I had held onto hope that someday, maybe when you saw me again that everything would be different between us. I had clung to the idea that when you saw me again, you would realize you had made a mistake by letting me go and come back, returning everything to the way it had been before the storm. But, life doesn't work like that...

Instead, I found myself sitting alone reminiscing on every memory of you and me from the time we met until the day you broke not only my heart but also my hope in relationships and belief that anything was possible because love would find a way to make it work. But, as the evening wore on, I realized that as angry and hurt as I thought I was, I really wasn't. I knew that anger was merely me lashing out to the idea that you had found happiness when I was still searching for someone who would see me as more than just another "blonde and blue-eyed, pretty face." I couldn't blame you for moving on because, ultimately, I wanted you to be happy and since I couldn't do that, I wanted you to find someone that could. Honestly, as much as the idea of you having moved on kills me, I know that someday I will be in your shoes and have found someone who brings the sunshine out even on a cloudy day. So, I'm sending my love to your new lover in the hope that she will treat you better.

Sending my love to your new lover was the biggest blessing in disguise. As much as it hurt to finally let every last piece of you that I had held onto since that tear-filled, begging, pleading, and, yet, ghostly silent last conversation we shared, I knew that now I could finish mending my broken heart and move on. I've moved on, don't get me wrong, but not fully. By finally sending every last piece of love I felt for you to your new lover, I felt a weight lift on my chest. I felt relieved that I could finally stop looking at every vehicle that looked like yours wondering if it was you inside or anxiously checking my phone each time it rang, hoping that it was you. Since sending my love to your new lover, I have finally been able to put myself back out there even though it is incredibly difficult. I have finally regained the smile that I once wore effortlessly. I have finally found what it means to truly be happy again. Most importantly, I have regained the faith that I once had in the possibilities of love and am willing, hopeful, and excited to find the person who will be there for me to lean on, to laugh with, and to adventure with.

Sending my love to your new lover was one of the most difficult things I never imagined myself ever having to do. But by sending my love to your new lover, I have freed myself of the weight and chains that paralyzed me from completely mending my once broken heart. As I sent my love to your new lover, I only hope that one day when you hear through an old mutual friend of ours or scroll through your Facebook feed and realize that "She's found someone new..." that you will put my happiness ahead of yours and send your love to my new lover and hope that he will treat me better.





Cover Image Credit: Tumblr

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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I Promise, He Is Not The One That Got Away

You will never have to chase what is meant to stay.

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You miss him. You miss the hugs, the laughs, the inside jokes. You miss hearing his voice over phone calls, you miss the late night drives, you miss the fun adventures. You miss your best friend.

The guy that you loved so much, that you once planned a future with, that you haven't had to imagine life without in so long, is suddenly gone. No explanation will make it easier, or less confusing, or less unfair.

You're probably thinking that you'll never move on. You're thinking that this pain you're feeling will stay with you forever. You think that you lost the love of your life, because how could a bond so strong not be meant to last forever?

Leaving the familiar is terrifying. It is so easy to believe that this was the greatest love you will ever experience. You're afraid to leave behind the memories. You don't want to start over, because no relationship you have with anyone else will ever be the same. Nobody is him, and nobody will ever be him. Scary, isn't it? Actually, no. This is the greatest truth that you can admit to yourself right now. Nobody will ever be him.

He left. He hurt you. He made you feel unworthy. He did not choose to love you the way that you deserve. Yes, he did make you happy for a season of your life. This is a beautiful thing, and you shouldn't deny it. Just because he did not make you happy forever does not erase the time you spent together. Every relationship leaves behind memories, and these memories will always be pieces of your life. It is okay to think about them. You will be thankful for them one day.

Love is not always meant to last forever. Loving someone does not bind you to each other for eternity. It's unfair, and it feels impossible to let a love go. Especially when you were certain you would never have to. You fear that he was "the one that got away". I promise you, this is so far from true. "The one" would not leave. He would choose to love you even through the rough times, instead of walking away. Saying someone is "the one that got away" is a counterintuitive statement, and frankly it's a load of BS. Yeah, sure, he got away, but would "the one" really put you through endless amounts of pain and suffering? Or would "the one" treat you with respect and love you the way you deserve?

I've been in this same situation, fearing that my ex is the person that I am supposed to be with and that I let him get away. But truthfully, I didn't let him get away. He chose to leave all on his own. And that by itself should be a sign that he really is NOT "the one". If you have to chase and beg and bargain with someone for them to be in your life, odds are they're not meant to be there anyway.

It ended because better is out there. It ended because the relationship was no longer best for the both of you. It may feel like you lost the best thing in your life, but there is a reason for it. If something leaves, it means that that something is no longer supposed to be in your life. And that means that you will be better off without it. He is not "the one that got away", because "the one" would do everything in his power to stay.

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