How Sending My Love To Your New Lover Set Me Free

How Sending My Love To Your New Lover Set Me Free

I'm giving you up but not forgetting it all in order to set myself free.
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I remember the day I heard those four bittersweet words:

"He's found someone new..."

I remember the day but not with clarity. It seemed as though my world that was cloudy but starting to let the sunshine through again was suddenly changed into a fog where nothing seemed real. I remember initially not registering what was said and simply saying what was expected of me, "Oh, well, I'm glad he's found someone who can make him happier than I could." But, after the initial shock wore off, my true feelings set in and my head and heart went into a whirlwind of feelings, memories of him and I, and questions.

Initially, I felt hurt. Hurt that you had moved on so fast; yet, here I was months later still looking at old pictures of us from time to time or rereading the old hand-written notes and poems. I was disappointed that I had now permanently lost someone I cared about more than I think I cared about myself and definitely more than any other lover to someone that I had never met. I was stunned that I could so easily be replaced when you said that I was incredible and the girl you adored. But, mostly, I felt angry and stupid. Stupidly I had held onto hope that someday, maybe when you saw me again that everything would be different between us. I had clung to the idea that when you saw me again, you would realize you had made a mistake by letting me go and come back, returning everything to the way it had been before the storm. But, life doesn't work like that...

Instead, I found myself sitting alone reminiscing on every memory of you and me from the time we met until the day you broke not only my heart but also my hope in relationships and belief that anything was possible because love would find a way to make it work. But, as the evening wore on, I realized that as angry and hurt as I thought I was, I really wasn't. I knew that anger was merely me lashing out to the idea that you had found happiness when I was still searching for someone who would see me as more than just another "blonde and blue-eyed, pretty face." I couldn't blame you for moving on because, ultimately, I wanted you to be happy and since I couldn't do that, I wanted you to find someone that could. Honestly, as much as the idea of you having moved on kills me, I know that someday I will be in your shoes and have found someone who brings the sunshine out even on a cloudy day. So, I'm sending my love to your new lover in the hope that she will treat you better.

Sending my love to your new lover was the biggest blessing in disguise. As much as it hurt to finally let every last piece of you that I had held onto since that tear-filled, begging, pleading, and, yet, ghostly silent last conversation we shared, I knew that now I could finish mending my broken heart and move on. I've moved on, don't get me wrong, but not fully. By finally sending every last piece of love I felt for you to your new lover, I felt a weight lift on my chest. I felt relieved that I could finally stop looking at every vehicle that looked like yours wondering if it was you inside or anxiously checking my phone each time it rang, hoping that it was you. Since sending my love to your new lover, I have finally been able to put myself back out there even though it is incredibly difficult. I have finally regained the smile that I once wore effortlessly. I have finally found what it means to truly be happy again. Most importantly, I have regained the faith that I once had in the possibilities of love and am willing, hopeful, and excited to find the person who will be there for me to lean on, to laugh with, and to adventure with.

Sending my love to your new lover was one of the most difficult things I never imagined myself ever having to do. But by sending my love to your new lover, I have freed myself of the weight and chains that paralyzed me from completely mending my once broken heart. As I sent my love to your new lover, I only hope that one day when you hear through an old mutual friend of ours or scroll through your Facebook feed and realize that "She's found someone new..." that you will put my happiness ahead of yours and send your love to my new lover and hope that he will treat me better.





Cover Image Credit: Tumblr

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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If You THINK You're Too Dependent On Your Boyfriend, You Probably Are

Depend on yourself before you depend on him.

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Don't get me wrong, having a boyfriend and being in love is an incredible feeling. But when you depend on your boyfriend for everything and forget how to do things on your own, it becomes a major problem. You might not see it but your family and friends do. Yes he's your boyfriend and of course, you want to spend every single second with him but you can't carry him around in the back of your pocket for the rest of your life. So here's to the girls who are too dependent on your boyfriends, I think you girls might want to hear this.

First and foremost, I completely understand what it's like to be in love and want to spend every second with your boyfriend. I get that he is one of your best friends, one of the people you can trust the most, one of the sources of your happiness, one of your stress relievers, one of the things that brings you comfort, one of the people you can rant to for anything, one of the people that you can cry to about anything, one of the people that you want to make memories with, one of the people that you want to spend the rest of your life with and so much more.

Did you notice I said one of, for all that? He is just one of the people you can go to for all of that, not the only one. You have friends and family who can do all of that too. And trust me, we want to. While yes you might prefer him to those other people, it's still important to keep your friends and family in the loop of what's going on in your life and it's even more important just to keep them in your life.

When you choose your boyfriend over your friends and family for everything, you're slowly pushing them out of your life. I, and everyone else who's been where I have been, completely understand if you already have plans with your boyfriend, or if something is going on you want to spend time with him. But to blow off your friends every single time for him is a slap in the face to us. Or to invite him to everything we do is another slap in the face. Of course as friends and family, we want to spend time with your boyfriend but it gets awkward third wheeling.

Go out with your family and friends without him sometimes and make tons of memories, as you did before. Rant and cry to friends and family sometimes instead, we care about you and your feelings, just as much as he does... maybe, even more, when you guys are fighting. When you don't talk to or see your friends and family without him there, you're pretty much telling us that you don't like being around us and that by bringing him, it makes it more bearable for you.

With that being said, you have to let him do the same. You have to let him have time for his family and friends without you. It looks super weird that you follow him around like a lost little puppy dog. Let him have time with the guys, without you being there or showing up at some point. To tag along to every little thing he does isn't healthy. Tagging along to everything thing your boyfriend does, probably makes his friends, a little uncomfortable, especially when they want their guy time and you're the only girl and they don't want you to feel awkward or left out. Or his family wants to spend time with just him and catch up.

Do things apart from each other, so when you are together you have stories to tell and pictures to show them.

Speaking of doing things apart from each other. Don't let an amazing opportunity slip away because you have to spend time away from your boyfriend. Did I leave my boyfriend to do the Disney College Program, hell yes I did. Am I going to apply again in August or maybe January? Hell yes, I am. Don't be afraid to explore things without him, even if it makes you uncomfortable, because you never know when you might get a great opportunity again.

Learning to do things alone is scary, I get it. But don't base your schedule around his, I've seen so many girls do this and it just back fries in the end. Unless you have kids, you do not plan your schedules around him or know where he is at every single second.

You never know, one day he might not be there anymore, and if you're always with your boyfriend and forgetting about friends and family, you might not have them either. And then what? Who do you depend on?

I wish you all would learn to depend on yourself before you depend completely on your boyfriend for everything. You are capable of so many things alone. You might feel like your boyfriend completes you and makes you whole, but in reality, you were already complete without him. He's just an added bonus. Don't give up your friends, family, and life because you want to be attached at the hip. You might lose more than you gain by doing that.

This goes for couples who have been dating for all lengths of time. It could be six months or six years.

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