Over the course of the past year, “Netflix and Chill” has become a wildly popular saying among young adults throughout the nation. What was at first an actual tactic used, primarily by college kids, has transformed into a running joke of massive proportions. The joke can be seen on t-shirts, signs, and is even being manipulated into slogans to advertise for different businesses and products, including condoms. When I type “Net” on Google, “Netflix and Chill” is the first result to pop up. It’s clear to see that this saying has gone viral. But, what is the issue with that?
Well, the issue is not in the slogan itself. It’s all about what the slogan stands for.
Netflix and Chill is implying that one wants to hook up. The issue with this is not the hooking up. It’s the “implying” that has become a problem.
We are creating a hookup culture that is based on implications and blurred lines. Netflix and Chill is not the only phrase being used to entice these hookups. The whole slogan is a general idea of how young adults are trying to implement hook ups.
Still don’t see the issue?
I didn’t see an issue either. Until I experienced a “Netflix and Chill” incident that left me scarred for a very long time.
I was naive in my first months of college. I met guys that invited me over “just to cuddle” or to “watch Stepbrothers.” Very little cuddling or movie watching ever happened, and I quickly learned about the real motives behind these invitations after several instances. For the most part, I always had the option to say no without incident. In some cases, I did and immediately removed myself from the situation. In other cases I decided to just go along, and I honestly couldn’t say why I did other than I was lonely. I allowed myself to be weak to these guys because I was in a state of my life where I was already mentally drained from everything else going around. So, I allowed myself to get manipulated into these situations. But I felt okay, because I told myself I could always get out of it.
Well, that luck didn’t last.
I met a guy in one of my classes that seemed trustworthy. We meshed really well and he offered to take me on a date. He also asked if I wanted to watch a movie in his dorm with him afterwards.
I won’t lie. My heart sank. I had my hopes up that maybe this guy had liked me. But with the implication of “watching a movie” I expected the worst.
When I called him out, asking if he genuinely wanted to watch a movie with me or if he really just wanted to hook up, he promised me he just wanted to watch a movie and that he really liked me.
I still have that text in my phone. It’s the turning point where everything went wrong.
I fell for it. I started a movie. And before I knew it, I found myself in a situation where saying “no” was not enough. I was fighting a guy whose muscle mass was far beyond my strength. And when the night was over, this guy became my puppeteer. He manipulated me into thinking these acts occurred because I was irresistible. Because he did indeed like me. And he kept the game running for a couple weeks more before dropping me and pushing me to the side like I was nothing. And I got to walk into class every week praying something would change. That he would genuinely be sorry. That he would ask if I was okay when I entered the room and just the sight of him caused my anxiety to skyrocket. I wanted him to regret what he did.
But more importantly, I wanted him to tell me that I was worth more than what he treated me like. I wanted him to be different. I wanted my “Netflix and Chill” experience to change. I also wanted him to cut the strings he held me on. He invaded my dreams, my consistent thoughts. I became obsessed with what happened because I couldn’t figure out where I went wrong.
Why was I only worth an account of sexual violence?
Call me an idiot. Say I was asking for it. Tell me I should’ve learned my lesson by now. But the point is, I was under false pretenses when I agreed to spend time with this guy. And when it came down to it, I said “no.” But “no” was not enough.
Hooking up is part of our culture, and there’s no denying that. And honestly, there’s not a whole lot wrong with it either. While it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, our society cannot look as hooking up as a culture that needs be terminated. While it’s not particularly my thing anymore, I still don’t see an issue with responsible hooking up. But we have to change some things about this culture. We need to end the “Netflix and Chill” era.
We are all adults. If you think you are old enough to have sex, you’re old enough to be straightforward about it. None of this "beating around the bush" bullsh*t anymore. It has got to stop. Sexual assault is still so incredibly prevalent on college campuses, and a lot of that happens when two people get together to hang out, and one is under false pretenses of what the night will consist of. And when a move is made, that’s when things get ugly. One in four women will be a victim of sexual assault in her college career. In 2014, that statistic was one in five.
As for me, I’ve turned my devastation into motivation. I cut my own strings from my assailant. I took my life back from him. And now, when he walks around campus and sees me, I’m not the one who has to pause and catch her breath anymore. I don’t slouch when he crosses my path. I hold my head with pride. He ruined my life for months, but never again. But not everyone has a happy ending. And that is why this is so important to me.
So please, keep your Tinder profiles. Go ahead and flirt with that person who catches your eye from across the way. But please, make sure both parties are fully aware of what will be going down when you decide to touch base.
End the “Netflix and Chill” ideal of hookups.