Dear ladies,

Stop being selfless. Take a moment for yourselves. Don’t worry for even a moment about whatever someone else said about you. Know your self worth. Be proud of who you are, and even prouder of who you are going to become. Work on yourself for you, and only you.

I have a problem with the double standards carried in our society that shame women for being selfless. Why is it so wrong for a woman to take some time for herself or make a decision without thinking how it will impact others? Because she is a woman, she can’t decide something for her own better interest? No. This is 2018, and we are here to be equal.

I used to get mad when my mother would make a decision that seemed like only benefitted her. Sure, they were small ones, like “Kenzi, do the dishes,” or “Kenzi, I decided not to make dinner tonight.” I was programmed to think my mother should be utterly and completely selfless and do everything she can for her family. But then, it hit me. Why is it because she is a mother she no longer should be allowed to take a night off from dishes or decide that her 19 year old daughter can make her own lunch? That was my turning point.

In my management ethics class, we read an article about how women tend to be more ethical because they think of decisions as a web that can affect others. Whereas men, tend to think more disjointed and more personally when making decisions, which leads to less ethical choices. And, last semester in management we also talked about how if a woman does a favor for someone in the office, people are less likely to pay back that favor. On the flip side, if a man does a task for anyone in the office, they feel that they must repay him. How on Earth does this make any sense?

It doesn’t.

The unwritten, sexist rules of who is privileged enough to receive a favor in return is getting old very fast. Why is it that in a workplace my favor would be viewed as a mandatory doing whereas when my male counterpart were to offer his time it is considered a great debt? Why does that make any sense? You are saying my time is less valuable than his? That I just happen to have more time lying around because I have boobs and a vagina? Not a chance. Let’s not forget that when success and power are coming from a woman it is seen as negatively correlated with likeability, but positively correlated with likeability for men.

So here, in 2018, I ask all woman to take a step back every once in awhile. Make some decisions for yourself, some selfish decisions. Make sure to take time for yourself. Mothers, teenagers, women in the workforce, homemakers, aunts, grandmas, all women, of every background, ethnicity, status, and age, please take some time for yourself. The year of the selfish woman is here, and it is going to be great.

Sincerely yours,

A Selfish Woman