If A Selfie Is Wrong I Don’t Wanna Be Right Because Selfies Are The Key To Self Confidence

If A Selfie Is Wrong I Don’t Wanna Be Right Because Selfies Are The Key To Self Confidence

Is self-love ever a bad thing? A resounding no.

As an extremely superficial preteen, suddenly freed from the shackles of braces and invigorated by the recent growth of some AA cups, my Instagram became heavily populated by selfies flashing my brand new pearly whites (and the occasional flash of cleavage, because I was risqué like that). At the time it seemed like the “cool” thing to do, but, looking back, anything captioned “Selfie cuz I feel like it... #instagood #laikdis #love” is anything but (and maybe showing off your boobs as a 14-year-old is a little distasteful).

Entering high school, I lost some of that narcissistic zeal my former self possessed and hopped off the selfie train. From the ages of about 15 to 19, my Instagram was extremely selfie deficient.

Becoming more stressed, gaining weight, getting bouts of acne, and feeling overwhelmed all contributed to a decrease in self-confidence, and thus a decrease in selfies. I did not possess the kind of confidence it took to post an up-close and personal picture of myself taken by yours truly.

The event that made me a selfie advocate today may at first seem counterintuitive: My freshman year at UCLA I became close friends with a girl from back home who had also recently moved to LA to model. As we sat in her car one night she proclaimed “UGH! My agency told me I need to post more selfies…” To which I asked “Why?” and she responded with something along the lines of “Because it shows the real me, like what I really look like, as opposed to just professional photos which can be misleading.”

Now bear with me, because a beautiful model telling me she needs to post more selfies should probably NOT make me want to post selfies of my own. Yet, it did and I’ll tell you why.

Sure, social media is SO misleading, people formulate a life that may not be the truth. You can edit a picture until you think it's perfect. So yeah, maybe a selfie isn't the absolute most authentic version of yourself I would witness if I saw you in person, but to be honest, it’s much harder to doctor a selfie than another type of picture. Not to mention, a selfie is so much more intimate than, let's say, a picture of you and your best friend smiling from far away. You can blur out some zits, whiten your teeth and make your eyes brighter, but in the end, it’s still a picture of your beautiful face and only that.

The fact of the matter is a selfie is vulnerable. Firstly, you run the risk of people calling you out for taking a selfie. Millennials and their selfies, they’re so vain! Wow, she's, like, soooo into herself. To which I respond, 'Don’t bash it unless you try it'. Secondly, you’re posting a damn picture of your face for the whole world to see! How could that ever not be vulnerable? A selfie is a brave, beautiful depiction of its owner showing themselves some love and admiration–and is self-love ever a bad thing? A resounding no.

If there’s one thing I’ve gained from my venture into the world of the Selfie Kingdom, it’s greater confidence as I’ve learned that even flaws can be beautiful and have accepted my face for all its worth.

So to my selfie queens of the modern age: Fuck yeah. Thank you for teaching the rest of us to appreciate our features and show them off to the world.

As for the rest of you, don’t let the fear of judgment sway you otherwise. Embrace your beauty and post the damn selfie.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.


Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Dear Girls, You Are So Much More Than Your Jean Size

Even when it feels like you're not.


Trust me, I know how it feels. I know what it's like to constantly think about food. I know what it's like to be driven insane trying to follow a ridiculous diet. And I also know what it's like to feel beyond guilty that 80 percent of the time I do eat that piece of cake I promised myself I wouldn't. I know how it feels to stand in front of the full-length mirror in your bathroom and choke back tears because your thighs look way too big in the new shorts that you were so excited to wear. I've felt insecure, I've felt hopeless, and I sometimes have a hard time holding my body confidently when I walk into a room of strangers.

We've all felt it.

But there are times when some of us feel it so strongly we just want to burst. Times when we simply can't handle the thought of being inadequate, unattractive or not enough. These feelings can lead us to desperate measures, and we do things we never thought in our right minds we would do. Insecurity holds great and ugly power, and oftentimes it can twist the truth. Sometimes, it can even twist us.

The first day my best friend called me and told me she had made herself throw up, I cried on the phone. I knew this girl inside and out, had grown up alongside her for the past 14 years. This wasn't her, this just wasn't something she would do. Yes, of course I knew this girl.

But at the same time, I had no idea what she was dealing with.

I didn't understand what it was like to have people telling me each successive day that I wasn't enough. That I would never make it unless I lost 10 pounds. That I didn't have the right "look" to be an Olympic-level athlete.

Day in and day out, my friend was degraded with these words and notions conceived from nothing but the expectations of society and the culture of a brutal sport.

The first words I said to her and the only words I can really, truly offer to any girl struggling with this are, "It's not worth it." Because it just isn't. Compromising your physical, mental and emotional health is not worth being the best at your sport. It's not worth becoming a prima ballerina, fitting into size two jeans, getting boys to like you, becoming part of a sorority, being a model or looking great in a bikini.

What is worth it is you.

I know that sometimes as a girl it is so hard to realize that you are more than just a body. But you are. You are more than just skin and bones. You are a million stories of where you've been, a million visions of where you want to go. You are the kind words you've said to strangers passing by, you are your favorite books, and the quotes hung up above your bed frame. You are the songs you play over and over again till the lyrics are second nature. You are the tattoo you've always wanted to get on your forearm. You are your mother's daughter.

Don't simplify yourself to just a body. You are so much more than that.

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