The clichés, "Dating yourself" or "Be your own best friend" was always so lost on me. For starters, I thought it was grossly overused advice, and two, I was too bored to listen. I needed to be "talking" to a boy at all times. In some way, shape, or form, I craved that lackluster millennial form of talking. Aside from dating, I also endured the "mean girl" best friend archetype without complaint. There was always one "best friend" in my group that enjoyed putting me down or made me feel less than. I was constantly surrounded by negativity. Allowing myself to settle for these relationships that lacked substance and hindered my growth. Forcing myself to put others first so much that I forgot how to treat myself. The reason why "Dating yourself" or "Being your own best friend" are clichés is because they actually have merit.
Like most young adults, I had a tendency to settle. Whether it was settling for friends who talked crap or settling for the boy who treated me like crap—I'd settle, and for some reason, it was easier that way. Once you get accustomed to crappy situations, it becomes the norm. I've noticed through friend groups and social media that it is our generation's norm as well. Guys get cheated on, girls get used: A Saga. And ex-best friends are just as painful as heartbreak. All very crappy motifs in my age group and sadly, it's a part of life. However, we are supposed to learn from adversity and that is the main core of the issue. We aren't learning. Instead, we make fun of it through memes and continue to engage in these harmful relationships.
So I decided to deter from this crappy trend. And guys, I've never been happier.
I cut off every person who wasn't helping me grow. I cut off all "romantic" ties, even if they weren't negative. It was incredibly difficult. I longed for these voids that contributed nothing to my life. I almost digressed between drafted "I'm sorry" texts, but instead deleted my blue text bubbles of insecurities with great distress. I attached myself to these toxic relationships out of my own insecurities. It reaffirmed my conscious decision to be alone. I didn't know myself.
Yeah, it's difficult, believe me. I'm not perfect in the slightest and I'm still trying to better myself but it's all about patience. Besides surrounding myself with healthy people and lessening my distractions, I started going places by myself. Shopping, hikes, beach trips, eating out, working out, coffee dates—I quite literally started dating myself. That's where the real growth starts. That's where you find yourself.
When you work on yourself, the clichés become natural. You find out why you are making unhealthy decisions, become conscious of who you are, and actively become who you want to be. I stopped wishing for the best and made it happen. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't now rainbows and butterflies because I started getting coffee by myself and meditating. But, I can truly say I enjoy being myself. For the first time in my life, I genuinely like being single. I truly feel loved by each friend I have. I don't feel the need to impress anyone or try to create artificial bonds to avoid feeling lonely. Once you make yourself happy, you'll always feel secure.
It's vital to go through this transformation; some people never do and it's stagnating. I think it's important for young adults to try to be conscious of this transformation early. It'll save so much time, pain, and will make being an actual, confident adult a lot easier. The best compliment I have ever received has been recent. It wasn't about what I looked like, it was about the noticeable progress I've made. I sound like a motivational speaker, but it's true. When you radiate positivity, you attract positivity. So if you're going through crap, date yourself. It sounds like a cliché, but that cliché is the best decision I've ever made.
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- A Clever Lesson In Self Worth - YouTube ›
- Opinion | Trump's Toxic Friendship - The New York Times ›
- Signs your friendship is toxic - Business Insider ›
- 51 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship | Psychology Today ›
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- Self-Love Must Come First: How to Love Yourself | HuffPost ›
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