Modern Self Love Is Unattainable, Only If You Take It So Literally

Modern Self Love Is Unattainable, Only If You Take It So Literally

“If you’re waiting for your next love look in the mirror.”

The other day as I was scrolling through my tumblr — yes, I still tumble circa 2012 — I came across a quote by Bridgette Devou: “if you’re waiting for your next love look in the mirror.”

In this modern day and age, we constantly are hearing the importance of loving ourselves. Some bullshit about how if you don’t love yourself then who will? Self-love is the first step to happiness yadda yadda yadda.

Whatever your age, whatever your gender, whatever your identity, self-love is no easy feat. We are our own worst critics, and as we spend each and every second with ourselves, it’s easy to find things that are wrong, scars we wish would fade, skin we wish was smoother, teeth we wish were whiter, lumps we wish were non-existent, eyes we wish were different. It makes it no easier when you keep hearing all this bullshit about how you absolutely have to love yourself before everything else. Our culture is suffocated by the necessity to love itself and when has anything mandatory ever been easy to accept?

The fact of the matter is, it’s okay if you never reach the point of oh-so-perfect self-acceptance. Nobody is perfect and, quite honestly, if you think you’re perfect you’re a total asshole. Everyone has flaws and imperfections. Everyone has things they wish they could change about themselves. It is the knowledge of any shortcomings that allows us to change and mold ourselves each day, year, decade. Without the desire for change, no one ever would.

When I came across Devou’s quote it sang to me a different message than the generic “you have to love yourself.”

“if you’re waiting for your next love look in the mirror.”

When you love someone you accept them for their flaws, but this doesn’t mean you don’t see these imperfections. There are times you want to grab them by the shoulders and shake them for being so blind. Moments they bring tears to your eyes. Hours of silence following minutes filled with yelling.

The point is: love is never perfect. So, it’s unrealistic to think self-love will ever be perfect or that it will ever make everything else perfect.

Self-love is just as messy and untamed as any other type, and we must accept it as such. There will be days you look in the mirror and dislike what you see and that’s completely okay because there will also be days you wake up feeling more yourself than ever.

Self-love is a lifelong work in progress, the most important part of which is to enjoy the entirety of.

Cover Image Credit: Isabelle Roshko

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.


Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Self-Reflection Is Always Beneficial

Always ask yourself how you can improve your life.


Self reflection is an important part of growing up. It is important to sit back and think about who you are and who you strive to be. I think that dwelling on the past too much can be extremely harmful, but that a little bit of reflecting on your past can be great.

Think about it, every choice you have made in your life so far has led to where you are now. Every single choice, no matter how small it may have seemed, has had a major impact on your entire life. The choices we make definitely change the path that we take.

Most likely, every friend you made changed your outlook something. Every place you went to will remain in your memories. Maybe you experienced something because of certain choices that led you to learn a valuable lesson.

Maybe those dreadful things of your past needed to happen to allow you to grow. No one deserves to hurt, but sometimes hurting then healing can be replenishing.

I think we should value our lives because they are so unique. No one on this earth will have had the same experiences you have. Even if someone was following you around 27/4 or was literally joined at the hip with you, they would not have the same life as you, because their thoughts would be different from yours and their perspective would be different as well.

You will never get the same day twice, so it is important to make every day the best you can make it. Try to laugh in stressful situations. Try to breathe when there seems to be no air left for you. It is vital to keep moving forward. If you look back, you'll trip on everything in front of you. Do not look into your past and examine your mistakes negatively. We grow from mistakes. We live and we learn. Use those mistakes as a study guide to become a better you. Use your past to your advantage and try to give yourself a better future.

It is important to know that life is a roller-coaster with twist and turns, peaks, and sudden drops that will make you feel sick to your stomach and scared for what's waiting at the bottom. But if you fear life, you will never enjoy the fun parts.

Look back and examine yourself but don't write a novel about your mistakes. Move past them and live a better life. Spread love, be kind, and be grateful for what you have overcome. Those hurdles you went through have only made you stronger.

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