This Valentine's Day I received a message from my ex on Facebook. He commented negatively on my looks, my body and my perceived past promiscuity. We broke up because he thought I cheated on him, and words, including "hoe" and "bitch," were used.

He claimed he saw me like something on his newsfeed which prompted the message, but the truth is, he had me blocked on Facebook for the past year and clearly had purposefully unblocked me to look me up on a day that may have reminded him of me, deciding to take it out on me.

While this is not the sort of message I was happy to wake up to, I am lucky enough to be at a really good place in my life currently, with many work and school activities that push me toward my goals and dreams, a happy and healthy relationship and a whole lot of self-love and creative outlets. (All of which, I will say, I took a moment to throw back in his face in order to explain why his opinion of me didn't really matter to me). But it has taken me a lot to get to a point in my life, where as a woman, I am genuinely happy with myself and my choices on a daily basis. And for many women, this sort of message could be detrimental mental health and self-worth.

Women are too often subjected to these sort of verbal assaults by men, especially with the proliferation of social media. But what the incident really stirred up in me was anger over the larger issue that women have with the negative thoughts, words and actions of other women. You see, this guy has another ex, one who is very close to many of my friends and completely hates my guts.

Only a couple weeks before this message was received, I was at a party and this girl was also in attendance (along with the ex of my current boyfriend). Both girls have made it openly clear to various mutual friends and acquaintances they do not like me. At this event, I was given the cold shoulder by each. Eye contact was averted, and I offered a friendly smile to no avail.

Let me be clear, I have absolutely no qualms about these women. Even though I may be curvier than them, and it would be easy for me to look at them and be jealous, I think they're quite beautiful. I can appreciate how cool they and their interests are, and how well-liked they are among the people I know. I am confident they are great people, who have their own struggles and demons, as well as their own passions and loved ones. And most importantly, I understand why the men we have in common were interested in them, and I do not let that devalue the interest they had in me. But the one thing I can't move past is their complete disdain for me. When we have a mutual ex in common who is shit enough to write messages like the one I received and I am sure she has, as well, why would we not want to band together against such hate? Why would we not turn to each other, receiving one another with love and acceptance in the face of violence from those who do not fully value us, including our own selves? When men and women's own psyches are already tearing us down, we do not need to add to this struggle for the other women in our lives.

The worst part of that night, was I had a really good time socializing with the people there who I did want to see, but the taxing nature of being around such animosity made me call it a night and leave early. Throughout the evening, I tried very hard to continue being kind to these women but was met with more hostility, as I have been for almost three years with one of them. This unnecessary drama is simply too tiring for me at this point. I've worked hard to accept myself, and I do not need the approval of those who do not have the decency to be polite in the face of an apparently uncomfortable situation.

Don't get me wrong, I will continue to wait with open arms and love for them. I will continue the unreciprocated waves and smiles. If such actions make me appear fake, I promise I am not. The lack of resentment toward you is genuine. Through my unabated kindness, I simply hope they will remember who they are angry at and why they are angry because I have a feeling if they really thought about it, it wouldn't be me. It would the ones who hurt them in the first place, and their own self-criticisms. This is not to say I am above those thoughts or actions, as I have been on the other side of things, but I have made a concerted effort to make changes in regards to these bad habits. We can all do better for each other, and when we can, we should strive to live this idea fully.

I know I'm not the first woman to write about such an experience, or even such an issue, and I am positive I will not be the last. I just hope someone could read a story like this and think about the way they treat their fellow women. Adding to one another's struggles and oppression is not progress; it's regress, and I hope to do my best to move the treatment of women forward, not backward. And really, more than anything, I hope the women I have discussed will read this. I hope they know I do not hate them, I love them, and while I am content without their acceptance, it would feel great to know I have it.