*Trigger warning* When people hear the word addiction, alcohol and drugs quickly come to mind. Alcoholism and drug addiction are frequently talked about and offer many resources and groups to sufferers. However, there is one area that's still taboo though. Although it is still very real. And that is self harm. Self harm is not easily understood by those who have never struggled with it, and therefore mocked, just as alcoholism and drug addiction are. "It's all for attention." "If you wanted to kill yourself, you would just do it." "Only really messed up people do that." And because of these comments surrounding it, many who self-harm hide it and do not know who to talk to, or who to ask for help.

I suffered from self-harm for around five years. On the outside, I was a seemingly happy girl who laughed at almost everything. Behind closed doors and when I was alone, that's when I was in hell and my own personal demons came out. I hated myself, and I felt so much pain inside me that needed a way out. Self-harm was my way to release that pain. After harming myself, I felt relief. It might have been covered with tears and even more shame, but a sick sense of relief always followed. Self-harm is a sad thing, but it prevented me from doing something worse. That is how I looked at it for five years. Something that kept me prisoner, yet somehow releasing me from that same prison.

Self-harm is a way to escape. It's a way to silence the voices in your head. It felt like an unwinnable war to me, and I felt I would never stop. I felt disgusting and ashamed. The family members who did find out yelled at me instead of talking to me. My mother cried a lot, and didn't understand how to talk to me. I wasn't even sure I knew how to explain how I wanted to talk about it. Slowly but surely, I reached out. I talked to my friends when I felt the urge. Usually, I still did it anyway. But, I told someone. Gradually, I would scream into a pillow or trash my room instead of doing it. And then one day, I just didn't do it. And days became weeks. April 2nd, 2016, was the last day I ever harmed myself, and I have it tattooed on my body, so I never mess that up. And it has saved me plenty of nights.

As many who suffer from self-harm will tell you, the desire to harm never truly goes away for good. Anytime a bad thought or depressive episode comes, that is the first option that pops into your mind. For me, those voices aren't so loud anymore, and I can fight. I'm still fighting, every day. But for those still waging that war, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. It is an addiction, just like anything else. And I am so proud of you guys who have been years clean, months, even one day is damn impressive. Those voices are loud, and conquering them even for a second takes a strength that many of the people around us don't even know we need or have.

If any of you reading this are still going through this, please, please talk to someone. Even if you end up going through with it, at least you're talking. And opening up is the very important first step on the road to recovery. After an episode, put anything you use in a cup of water and freeze it. Next time you have an urge, it will take a while to defrost. In that time, Facetime your best friend or go for a long walk listening to your favorite music. Get out of the house. Hopefully, in that time, the urge will subside.

I am not going to give the cliche advice to just "throw it away." In reality, that does not happen or happens very often and you just replace. Place it in the freezer like I mentioned, or find another way to release what's built up inside you. I would trash my room, or sometimes simply scream into a pillow until I was hoarse. I looked up cool arm and leg tattoos and envisioned them on my body. (Also, most tattoo artists want you to be healed before they ink you. Another great motivator!).

Also, beware of your triggers and try your best to avoid them. For me, it was certain people in my life that I had to cut off. I also wrote down all my triggers and burned the piece of paper, in a way setting me free from what led me to self-harm. I wrote down my triggers and taped the paper in my room so I knew what or whom to avoid. And the best thing of all, I got a tattoo. That thing was over $200. It has helped me stay clean up until now because I don't want to ruin it. But most importantly, I stay clean because I look at how far I have come and how many steps I climbed to get here. I don't want to go back down.

If anyone reading is struggling right now and you don't have anyone, or would just prefer to talk to a stranger, please contact me. Most of my social networks are on my Odyssey user page. I know what it's like, and I can empathize with 100% sincerity. You are not "losing your mind," or a freak. You didn't choose this, and neither did I. I want to help you look at your clothes and not view them as accomplices. I want you to see white lines, not red. I want you to realize your body is a beautiful canvas, just try not to use such a harsh brush.

More than anything, scars and all, you and your story are amazing. Your scars are one of a goddamn warrior, not someone weak. Never doubt what you can do, and never back down. "The harder the battle, the sweeter the victory."

(My article spoke about some forms of self-harm, but certainly not all, as I do not have those perspectives. The reach out applies to everyone. Contact me if you ever want to).

Personal stories from those who suffer(ed), ways to cope, and for those looking to help others, click here.

List of hotlines here.

List of apps that help overcome urges here.