Emotional Confusion

Emotional Confusion

A child who cuts, and a mothers plea.

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It's hard balancing life as a single mother, a student, and a freelancer, but it becomes harder when life hits you times three. While dealing with my own personal health issues, I also have a daughter who self harms. She is 12, to me still a baby, yet she is in a pain that I cannot take away from her. A pain that I cannot heal. A pain that even she doesn't quite understand.

I walk on eggshells. I try to be firm and still the parent I have always been to her, but the truth is I am worried. What if something I say triggers her to want to take a blade and cut her arms. I don't want to coddle her, because I know the world doesn't care as much as I do, but I also want to wrap her up in a blanket of comfort and hold her to my chest as if she was an infant. I want to protect her from the world, from herself and from eyes of those who do not understand.

And all the while, I don't understand.

I understand depression, anxiety, and even times not wanting to live, but cutting to release frustration I don't get. If only she can see the girl I see. Talented, beautiful, smart, funny and a joy to be around. Instead, all she sees are the words that jealous classmates and mean bullies put in her head. She believes that she is not worth wonderful things, or love, when she is the embodiment of love.

Everything I do is for her and her sisters, but I feel as if maybe I am not doing enough. When I'm next to her, talking to her, she's happy. There are nights she asks me to come to sleep with her. Where all I do is sit in her bed, writing or reading and watching her be at peace. Then the nights when I can't because my illness has me immobilized, she cuts.

Therapy is not working.

At times I fear it's making it worse. School and social activities only bring stress and mumbled words when she returns. She's so soft-spoken, I fear she's getting run over, she's so forgiving even when those have bullied her, she is the girl I wish I was at her age. But she doesn't see it.

How can I help her? How can I as her mother make her feel that she is safe with her self? Staying up and watching her is not always an option. So I'm patient, I'm strong for her, and I am still her mother. I want her to enter the world strong and able to handle whatever comes her way.

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12 Things Only Low-Maintenance Girls Understand

I promise we aren’t lazy, just easy going.
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Sometimes low-maintenance girls are looked at as lazy or sloppy. But in reality, I think low-maintenance girls are just so confident in who they are that putting in that extra effort isn't important to them.

Here are 12 things that only low-maintenance girls understand:

1. Leggings or sweat pants and a T-shirt is your normal everyday outfit

Why spend the day uncomfortable in some tight jeans or mini skirt when you can lounge around in some comfy clothes? We aren't here to impress anyone, we are just trying to sit back and chill.

2. Makeup is a special occasion

If you catch a low-maintenance girl with makeup on, take it as a compliment. We are trying to touch our face and rub our eyes as much as we'd like without makeup getting in the way. Not to mention, we wouldn't dare spend over $15 on some foundation.

3. We would rather stay in with a movie then go out for the evening

Something low-key and low stress always sounds better than spending the time, and the money, for a night out. I am perfectly content with taking advantage of my $7.99 monthly payment for Netflix.

4. You're always the first one ready

While your friends spend hours doing their hair, makeup and then finding the perfect outfit, you sit around and wait. Your 10 minutes thrown-together-look gives you time to nap while everyone else takes their sweet time.

5. When you say you "don't care what we do," you really don't care

Seriously, a date night off the McDonald's dollar menu is fine by me. I am not expecting you to wine and dine me on a big extravagant evening, I'm just trying to get a Big Mac in my mouth.

6. Your messy bun isn't a fashion statement, it's actually just your hairstyle

We aren't about to spend time curling or straightening our hair everyday. Every day is a good day to throw your hair up into a ponytail or bun.

7. The extent of your jewelry collection is one pair of earrings and maybe a necklace

Who needs more than one pair of earrings? Diamond studs match everything… right?

8. And your shoe collection is even smaller

Should I wear flip-flops or Converse?

9. Shopping isn't exactly your favorite thing to do

Who has patience for finding the perfect designer brands or finding the best fit? I am perfectly content with my T-shirts and leggings. One size fits all.

10. Your favorite gifts are the sentimental ones, not the expensive ones

A homemade card or a small gift that makes someone think of you is forever better and more meaningful than an expensive present. I don't want your money, I just want to know you thought of me.

11. You don't put in the effort to chase after a guy

I'm awesome and I know it. If a guy is worth it enough to be in my life, he can come after me. I am not down for any games or players. Just someone who embraces my low-maintenance qualities.

12. You are always the first person to help someone out

Giving your friends a ride or lending them two dollars isn't a huge deal. Just helping someone out gives you peace of mind. Everyone should have time to help a homie out.

Cover Image Credit: http://www.cosboots.com/sale/christmas/christmas.html

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We Are More Than Categories And It's High Time We Stop Letting Online Personality Tests Define Us

Why are we letting online personality test define our greatest faults?

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Obsession. This is the best word that can be used to describe the era of online personality tests. Between "Meyers Briggs" and the oh so popular "Enneagram Test," the nation has become obsessed with primary numbers, wing numbers, personality codes, and "personal" descriptions. People are writing books, recording podcasts, sharing articles, and using up air time on anything and everything related to personality tests.

Which celebrity are you most like? What type of person do you want on your team? The search results are endless.

I can not even begin to count the number of times I have heard, "oh you must be a _____ (insert Enneagram number here)!" or "What is your Meyers Briggs? That makes total sense for you." What can be wrong with these online tests? We're learning about ourselves and how to relate and work with one another, aren't we?

Well... sort of. These online personality tests provide faults as well as strengths. They put people into categories based on what they struggle with the most — and we are taking those faults to heart.

The "Enneagram Test" breaks the world into 9 types of people. These 9 topics are 1. The Reformer, 2. The Helper, 3. The Achiever 4. The Individualist, 5. The Investigator, 6. The Loyalist, 7. The Enthusiast, 8. The Challenger, and 9. The Peacemaker. Once you receive your number you also are assigned a "wing" number or the number you are closest to ex: 3 Wing 2 means that you are considered to be a part of "The Achiever" group but lean toward "The Helper."

When you receive your results, you also get a ton of information pretty much breaking down exactly who you are, what you're great at, and what you struggle with. While I do recognize that some of this information can be helpful, it is even more important to remember that everyone is different and just because your test results say you have trouble committing does not mean that you're going to struggle in every future relationship.

These results are molds. They are meant to be used to aid in self-evaluation, not to determine exactly how you view yourself.

Like anything else, the obsession with personality tests will fade, but until then, we should be paying attention to the benefits of personality tests rather than the dangers. Spending 3 hours reading about why your type is doomed to fail is not going to help you with anything. Use your results to appreciate the things you're really good at. Use your results to improve your team skills.

But for the love of God, please do not obsess over every small personality detail. The world is made of individual people who are all very different from one another. There is no reason to stick yourself in a category that you feel like you can't change.

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