Being Uncomfortable With Your Body Impacts Your Ability To Be Intimate

Being Uncomfortable With Your Body Impacts Your Ability To Be Intimate

Sex is something to make you feel powerful not have you worried about your every move.

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Sex is not how it is in the movies. Unless the movies that you are watching have awkward silences, embarrassing noises, and never finishing. But the main thing that the movies get wrong is the intenseness of the scenes, the ripping of clothes off and immediately diving into action. The rom-coms never cover the part where you are debating your every move in bed, not twisting this one way or the other because you don't want your stomach to bulge out or your thighs to jiggle.

Being uncomfortable with your body in the face of intimacy is one of the hardest things to overcome in the bedroom.

Almost every relationship that I have been in, they have made some sort of comment about my body. Whether that was comparing me to my skinnier friend, or flat out saying "let's be honest, you aren't the tiniest." Each of these backhanded comments caught me off guard and took my breath away. I always took these comments with a grain of salt and told myself that they were right that something was wrong with me. When we got to the bedroom, or the car, or even their parents' couch I would watch how they reacted to my body, not in a sexy way but in a "are they worried about my stretch marks?" way.

Until I started college, I never understood the aspect of self-love. I would always compare my body to their exes, seeing how I was different I was sure I was going to disappoint whoever I was with. I would get so in my head that the heat of the moment would fizzle out and leave me feeling even worse about myself. Every time I would get rejected or the passion would pass, I would blame it on my body and not on the fact that I took too long to make a decision and kept playing all the possible opportunities in my head.

After time, I had come to the realization that sex, or a sexual act, is something that has to begin with yourself.

Spending time on getting ready and being present in the moment instead of worrying about that little extra bit on your arms. I also took note of how I felt after. Time and time past leaving me feeling guilty and disappointed with myself I came to the conclusion that having random hookups and casual flings were not for me. But I also realized that if you are exposing and sharing your body in some of the most intimate ways, they shouldn't give a rat's ass about how your tummy adds a little cushion. If the one element that makes you worthy to them is your body, maybe it is time to step back and reflect on the person you are with and the person that you have become.

In the end, having sex is something that is up to the individual people involved. But if you are uncomfortable with your body it may be time to self-reflect and take key notice of the way you talk to yourself because 90% of the time, whatever you are self-conscious of, no one else notices.

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Sorry I'm A Size 00

But I'm not really sorry.
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My whole life I’ve been thin—which is kind of an understatement. Every time I go to the doctor I get the same “you’re underweight” lecture that I’ve heard every year since I was able to form memories. I’ve never really felt insecure about my weight, I love being able to eat everything and not gain a single pound. Since my freshman year of high school I’ve probably only gained 8 pounds and I’m now a sophomore in college. Of course, in school, there were rumors that I was anorexic or bulimic, but everyone who knew me knew that was far from the truth. I’m now 19, 5’2, and I still have yet to break 100 pounds on the scale. It seems that there is a lot of skinny shaming going around and to me, one of the main contributors to that is the Dove Real Beauty campaign.

You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this because skinny girls get all the praise and other body types are neglected. That’s really not true, though. While loving other body types, you are tearing down skinny girls. Why is it okay to do that to skinny girls but not to other body types? Why is it okay to say “only dogs like bones” or say “every body type is beautiful” until you see a model's abs, or ribs, or thigh gap and then tear them down because they’re “unnaturally” skinny?



The point I’m trying to make is that, as a naturally skinny girl, I have never shamed anyone for their body type, yet I go every day and get at least two comments about my weight. I’m always the skinny girl, the toothpick, but I’m not Jessica. Yeah, I’m a size 00. Get over it. If you have an issue with my body and feel like my body is disgusting to you, don’t look at it. I know that I’m healthy and I don’t need your input when my body just naturally burns calories fast. I don’t have an eating disorder and never have. I am real beauty though, and I know that because I’m comfortable in my own skin. So maybe the real issue is that we as a society have been shoving certain body types down our daughters’ throats so they begin to romanticize models that have certain standards that they have to meet, who work hard for the bodies that they have, and are making a hell of a lot more money than most of the people discussing why they look emaciated while what they’re actually looking at is the photoshopped product.

I’m not going to apologize for being skinny when that is just how my body is, I can’t help it. So please, stop tearing my body down while trying to bring your body up. You can praise your body without shaming skinny girls. Shaming me for being thin does not make you better than the man that shamed your body, just as me shaming you for being curvy does not make me better than the man that shamed my body. As women, we need to love each other because we are the only ones who truly understand each other.


Cover Image Credit: Victoria's Secret Untouched

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Today Was A Bad Day, And That's OK

It's the little things that matter the most.

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Today was a bad day.

I had a nightmare last night. It was so vivid and realistic. Some nightmares I can easily forget about, but this one was difficult to push out of my mind. I woke up in cold sweats, my heart was beating fast. I genuinely felt sick to my stomach. I wish I had never dreamt what I had dreamt. The nightmare really messed me up. It was all I had thought about for most of the day.

I couldn't focus on my school work. I definitely couldn't stay focused in class. I had a pop quiz that I was not prepared for, and there was already too much built-up stress from just the past two weeks. I felt like I couldn't go on with the rest of my day. To keep it somewhat short, things just weren't going my way. I was being too hard on myself and my anxiety was through the roof.

As dramatic as it may seem, this nightmare was too personal, too scary, too heartbreaking, and not too far-fetched. Words cannot explain how dark I had felt today. It brought me to a place I thought I had moved on from.

Today was a bad day, and that's okay.

I got a call from my dad and a text from my mom, both encouraging me to move forward and not stress. There was reassurance in my dad's voice and through my mother's words. Words reassuring me they would always be there for me and loved me.

I took a trip to Gino's with my roommates. That burger was hitting, onion rings and all. These were the "perks" of my day, and though they don't seem like a lot, it meant the world to me.

It truly is the little things that can make your day. Like a call from your daddy, a text from your mama, or a trip to one of your favorite burger spots with some friends. The littlest things help you put things into perspective. These little things came to me at a point where I genuinely really needed them.

These little things distracted me from the most terrible and scarring nightmare. These little things are the things that remind me to move forward, ever stronger. These little things are the things that remind me you can turn a bad day into a good day, but only if you allow this.

Today was a bad day and there's no doubt that I will have many more. That's okay, because it's about the little things that really matter.

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