How To Be Intimate While Hating Your Body

Being Uncomfortable With Your Body Impacts Your Ability To Be Intimate

Sex is something to make you feel powerful not have you worried about your every move.

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Sex is not how it is in the movies. Unless the movies that you are watching have awkward silences, embarrassing noises, and never finishing. But the main thing that the movies get wrong is the intenseness of the scenes, the ripping of clothes off and immediately diving into action. The rom-coms never cover the part where you are debating your every move in bed, not twisting this one way or the other because you don't want your stomach to bulge out or your thighs to jiggle.

Being uncomfortable with your body in the face of intimacy is one of the hardest things to overcome in the bedroom.

Almost every relationship that I have been in, they have made some sort of comment about my body. Whether that was comparing me to my skinnier friend, or flat out saying "let's be honest, you aren't the tiniest." Each of these backhanded comments caught me off guard and took my breath away. I always took these comments with a grain of salt and told myself that they were right that something was wrong with me. When we got to the bedroom, or the car, or even their parents' couch I would watch how they reacted to my body, not in a sexy way but in a "are they worried about my stretch marks?" way.

Until I started college, I never understood the aspect of self-love. I would always compare my body to their exes, seeing how I was different I was sure I was going to disappoint whoever I was with. I would get so in my head that the heat of the moment would fizzle out and leave me feeling even worse about myself. Every time I would get rejected or the passion would pass, I would blame it on my body and not on the fact that I took too long to make a decision and kept playing all the possible opportunities in my head.

After time, I had come to the realization that sex, or a sexual act, is something that has to begin with yourself.

Spending time on getting ready and being present in the moment instead of worrying about that little extra bit on your arms. I also took note of how I felt after. Time and time past leaving me feeling guilty and disappointed with myself I came to the conclusion that having random hookups and casual flings were not for me. But I also realized that if you are exposing and sharing your body in some of the most intimate ways, they shouldn't give a rat's ass about how your tummy adds a little cushion. If the one element that makes you worthy to them is your body, maybe it is time to step back and reflect on the person you are with and the person that you have become.

In the end, having sex is something that is up to the individual people involved. But if you are uncomfortable with your body it may be time to self-reflect and take key notice of the way you talk to yourself because 90% of the time, whatever you are self-conscious of, no one else notices.

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PSA: Keep Your Body-Negative Opinions Away From Little Girls This Summer

But our own baggage shouldn't be shoved on to those we surround ourselves with.

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It's officially swimsuit season, y'all.

The temperature is rising, the sun is bright and shining, and a trip to the beach couldn't look more appealing than it does right now. This is the time of year that many of us have been rather impatiently waiting for. It's also the time of year that a lot of us feel our most self-conscious.

I could take the time to remind you that every body is a bikini body. I could type out how everyone is stunning in their own unique way and that no one should feel the need to conform to a certain standard of beauty to feel beautiful, male or female. I could sit here and tell you that the measurement of your waistline is not a reflection of your worth. I completely believe every single one of these things.

Hell, I've shared these exact thoughts more times than I can count. This time around, however, I'm not going to say all these things. Instead, I'm begging you to push your insecurities to the side and fake some confidence in yourself when you're in front of others.

Why?

Because our negative self-image is toxic and contagious and we're spreading this negative thinking on to others.

We're all guilty of this, we're with family or a friend and we make a nasty comment about some aspect of our appearance, not even giving a single thought to the impact our words have on the person with us. You might think that it shouldn't bother them- after all, we're not saying anything bad about them! We're just expressing our feelings about something we dislike about ourselves. While I agree that having conversations about our insecurities and feelings are important for our mental and emotional health, there is a proper and improper way of doing it. An open conversation can leave room for growth, acceptance, understanding, and healing. Making a rude or disheartening remark about yourself is destructive not only to yourself, but it will make the person you are saying these things around question their own self worth or body image by comparing themselves to you.

My little sister thinks she's "fat." She doesn't like how she looks. To use her own words, she thinks she's "too chubby" and that she "looks bad in everything."

She's 12 years old.

Do you want to know why she has this mindset? As her older sister, I failed in leading her by example. There were plenty of times when I was slightly younger, less sure of myself, and far more self-conscious than I am now, that I would look in the mirror and say that I looked too chubby, that my body didn't look good enough, that I wished I could change the size of my legs or stomach.

My little sister had to see the older sibling she looks up to, the big sis she thinks always looks beautiful, say awful and untrue things about herself because her own sense of body image was warped by media, puberty, and comparing herself to others.

My negativity rubbed off onto her and shaped how she looks at herself. I can just imagine her watching me fret over how I look thinking, "If she thinks she's too big, what does that make me?"

It makes me feel sick.

All of us are dealing with our own insecurities. It takes some of us longer than others to view ourselves in a positive, loving light. We're all working on ourselves every day, whether it be mentally, physically, or emotionally. But our own baggage shouldn't be shoved on to those we surround ourselves with, our struggles and insecurities should not form into their own burdens.

Work on yourself in private. Speak kindly of yourself in front of others. Let your positivity, real or not, spread to others instead of the bad feelings we have a bad habit of letting loose.

The little girls of the world don't need your or my negative self-image this summer. Another kid doesn't need to feel worthless because we couldn't be a little more loving to ourselves and a lot more conscious of what we say out loud.

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Sorry Guys, Girls Actually Want Attention From Other Girls

Who else knows fashion, beauty, style, or looks better than other females themselves?

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Men are ya know, "great." We love 'em (somedays). Some girls cry over men, run their lives around men, and make life choices because of men.

But, why should we try to impress men? Men don't understand the time it takes to "beat our face" with makeup. Men don't understand the soreness our arms experienced to get these perfect curls. Some men don't understand how excited we are to score big in the Urban Outfitters clearance section.

Some ladies live by "beauty is pain." But sorry guys, they are not here to impress you.

Why would some ladies spend all the time, effort, and money for men, when some men can't distinguish mascara from lipgloss.

Women are trying to impress other women.

You ever get a compliment from a fellow female and they're like, "Girl, yes girl. The outfit, the hair, YES." Ladies understand and appreciate our efforts.

Do you think what ladies post on social media is to get men pouring in their DMs? No.

We are sharing pictures to inspire and create a group of women to be creative and stylish themselves. Us ladies are trying to build an empire of strong women, and we will not spend time just to look good for men.

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