How To Be Intimate While Hating Your Body

Being Uncomfortable With Your Body Impacts Your Ability To Be Intimate

Sex is something to make you feel powerful not have you worried about your every move.

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Sex is not how it is in the movies. Unless the movies that you are watching have awkward silences, embarrassing noises, and never finishing. But the main thing that the movies get wrong is the intenseness of the scenes, the ripping of clothes off and immediately diving into action. The rom-coms never cover the part where you are debating your every move in bed, not twisting this one way or the other because you don't want your stomach to bulge out or your thighs to jiggle.

Being uncomfortable with your body in the face of intimacy is one of the hardest things to overcome in the bedroom.

Almost every relationship that I have been in, they have made some sort of comment about my body. Whether that was comparing me to my skinnier friend, or flat out saying "let's be honest, you aren't the tiniest." Each of these backhanded comments caught me off guard and took my breath away. I always took these comments with a grain of salt and told myself that they were right that something was wrong with me. When we got to the bedroom, or the car, or even their parents' couch I would watch how they reacted to my body, not in a sexy way but in a "are they worried about my stretch marks?" way.

Until I started college, I never understood the aspect of self-love. I would always compare my body to their exes, seeing how I was different I was sure I was going to disappoint whoever I was with. I would get so in my head that the heat of the moment would fizzle out and leave me feeling even worse about myself. Every time I would get rejected or the passion would pass, I would blame it on my body and not on the fact that I took too long to make a decision and kept playing all the possible opportunities in my head.

After time, I had come to the realization that sex, or a sexual act, is something that has to begin with yourself.

Spending time on getting ready and being present in the moment instead of worrying about that little extra bit on your arms. I also took note of how I felt after. Time and time past leaving me feeling guilty and disappointed with myself I came to the conclusion that having random hookups and casual flings were not for me. But I also realized that if you are exposing and sharing your body in some of the most intimate ways, they shouldn't give a rat's ass about how your tummy adds a little cushion. If the one element that makes you worthy to them is your body, maybe it is time to step back and reflect on the person you are with and the person that you have become.

In the end, having sex is something that is up to the individual people involved. But if you are uncomfortable with your body it may be time to self-reflect and take key notice of the way you talk to yourself because 90% of the time, whatever you are self-conscious of, no one else notices.

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If You've Ever Been Called Overly-Emotional Or Too Sensitive, This Is For You

Despite what they have told you, it's a gift.
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Emotional: a word used often nowadays to insult someone for their sensitivity towards a multitude of things.

If you cry happy tears, you're emotional. If you express (even if it's in a healthy way) that something is bothering you, you're sensitive. If your hormones are in a funk and you just happen to be sad one day, you're emotional AND sensitive.

Let me tell you something that goes against everything people have probably ever told you. Being emotional and being sensitive are very, very good things. It's a gift. Your ability to empathize, sympathize, and sensitize yourself to your own situation and to others' situations is a true gift that many people don't possess, therefore many people do not understand.

Never let someone's negativity toward this gift of yours get you down. We are all guilty of bashing something that is unfamiliar to us: something that is different. But take pride in knowing God granted this special gift to you because He believes you will use it to make a difference someday, somehow.

This gift of yours was meant to be utilized. It would not be a part of you if you were not meant to use it. Because of this gift, you will change someone's life someday. You might be the only person that takes a little extra time to listen to someone's struggle when the rest of the world turns their backs. In a world where a six-figure income is a significant determinant in the career someone pursues, you might be one of the few who decides to donate your time for no income at all. You might be the first friend someone thinks to call when they get good news, simply because they know you will be happy for them. You might be an incredible mother who takes too much time to nurture and raise beautiful children who will one day change the world.

To feel everything with every single part of your being is a truly wonderful thing. You love harder. You smile bigger. You feel more. What a beautiful thing! Could you imagine being the opposite of these things? Insensitive and emotionless?? Both are unhealthy, both aren't nearly as satisfying, and neither will get you anywhere worth going in life.

Imagine how much richer your life is because you love other's so hard. It might mean more heartache, but the reward is always worth the risk. Imagine how much richer your life is because you are overly appreciative of the beauty a simple sunset brings. Imagine how much richer your life is because you can be moved to tears by the lessons of someone else's story.

Embrace every part of who you are and be just that 100%. There will be people who criticize you for the size of your heart. Feel sorry for them. There are people who are dishonest. There are people who are manipulative. There are people who are downright malicious. And the one thing people say to put you down is "you feel too much." Hmm..

Sounds like more of a compliment to me. Just sayin'.

Cover Image Credit: We Heart It

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Celebrating 1 Year Sober

Self-harm free is a better me.

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This has truly been a challenging year for me. I have literally hit my rock bottom and tried to end it all. Eventually, I found my way out of the dark side through a week-long stay in a psychiatric unit.

This year has made me feel weak, small, empty, forgotten, unloved, and immensely broken.

But I made it.

I didn't try to end my life nor make myself feel pain for one whole year. Before this breakdown, I hadn't self-harmed in nearly six years, but sometimes, you have to hit rock bottom to realize you need help.

Getting better and keeping myself safe from me was not an easy job. The first six months, I literally fooled myself into thinking that I was doing better. I got out of the hospital and said, "I'm healed. I'm better. I don't need the medicine, and I don't need the therapy. I'm fixed."

I had convinced myself that a week-long stay in the hospital was a fix-all.

I was wrong.

Fighting mental illness is not something that can be solved in a day, week, month, or even a year. This is going to be a battle that I will have for the rest of my life. I will need a therapist for most of my life if I want to stay on the wagon, and I've finally accepted it.

I'm very thankful for my support system, the people who stayed there and continued to help me understand why I deserved to feel better about myself. While the people who only cared for a day thought they were helping, it really made me feel more alone once they left again.

So, a true extra thank you to the people that were amazing enough to stay by my side through the worst times of my life.

I strongly encourage anyone struggling with self-harm to seek the help they need. One of the biggest motivators for me was that I didn't want my younger siblings or cousins to have to attend a memorial or funeral for me. I try to set an example for them, and the best example I've done so far is getting the help I desperately needed.

One year self-harm free and many more to come.

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