Sex is not how it is in the movies. Unless the movies that you are watching have awkward silences, embarrassing noises, and never finishing. But the main thing that the movies get wrong is the intenseness of the scenes, the ripping of clothes off and immediately diving into action. The rom-coms never cover the part where you are debating your every move in bed, not twisting this one way or the other because you don't want your stomach to bulge out or your thighs to jiggle.

Being uncomfortable with your body in the face of intimacy is one of the hardest things to overcome in the bedroom.

Almost every relationship that I have been in, they have made some sort of comment about my body. Whether that was comparing me to my skinnier friend, or flat out saying "let's be honest, you aren't the tiniest." Each of these backhanded comments caught me off guard and took my breath away. I always took these comments with a grain of salt and told myself that they were right that something was wrong with me. When we got to the bedroom, or the car, or even their parents' couch I would watch how they reacted to my body, not in a sexy way but in a "are they worried about my stretch marks?" way.

Until I started college, I never understood the aspect of self-love. I would always compare my body to their exes, seeing how I was different I was sure I was going to disappoint whoever I was with. I would get so in my head that the heat of the moment would fizzle out and leave me feeling even worse about myself. Every time I would get rejected or the passion would pass, I would blame it on my body and not on the fact that I took too long to make a decision and kept playing all the possible opportunities in my head.

After time, I had come to the realization that sex, or a sexual act, is something that has to begin with yourself.

Spending time on getting ready and being present in the moment instead of worrying about that little extra bit on your arms. I also took note of how I felt after. Time and time past leaving me feeling guilty and disappointed with myself I came to the conclusion that having random hookups and casual flings were not for me. But I also realized that if you are exposing and sharing your body in some of the most intimate ways, they shouldn't give a rat's ass about how your tummy adds a little cushion. If the one element that makes you worthy to them is your body, maybe it is time to step back and reflect on the person you are with and the person that you have become.

In the end, having sex is something that is up to the individual people involved. But if you are uncomfortable with your body it may be time to self-reflect and take key notice of the way you talk to yourself because 90% of the time, whatever you are self-conscious of, no one else notices.