Self-Care As Told By Jess From 'New Girl'

Self-Care As Told By Jess From 'New Girl'

"Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel." ― Eleanor Brownn

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Self-care can simply be defined as the care for oneself, but the interpretation as to how one individual may take care of oneself varies.

Like many others, including myself, some days are much harder than others. Some days may even months, maybe years? A bad day can feel like a lifetime but it's important to remember that you're not alone for feeling the way you feel. It's important to remember that bad days are temporary and although some bad days are hard to forget, I promise there will be good days too.

On our bad days, self-care is extremely important and we deserve some extra self-love. Self-care can be expressed in different ways, whatever makes us feel personally feel uplifted; going on a really nice run, treating yourself to your favorite foods, or something as simple as taking a nap. The way I see it, self-care can be divided into five main categories.

1. Emotional Self-Care 

We've all had a really long day before. Whether it was because of the unwanted surprises life throws at us, the internal battle you're having with yourself, or both, sometimes you have to take a step back for a moment and remember to focus on one thing at a time––starting with the present. Emotions can range on the spectrum from one side to another and that's okay. You're allowed to feel however you want to feel. Some things that we can do to give our emotional well-being some extra care are journaling our emotions down in a notebook, crying uncontrollably or laughing uncontrollably, or reminding yourself that you are a gem in this world and even though things seem bad right now, the light will eventually shine.

2. Spiritual Self-Care 

Spiritual doesn't necessarily have to correlate with some form of "higher being" or any belief along those lines. It can also mean to simply get in touch with our inner selves. However you decide to interpret that word is up to you. I wouldn't consider myself religious but I do pray and hope for all is well in the universe whenever I can. If that's not your cup of tea, there's always other options; meditating for a few minutes, reading a really good book you can't put down, or simply just doing something you enjoy from the goodness of your heart. Always have faith in something.

3. Physical Self-Care

Some days we accidentally sleep in a bad position and our bodies are in so much pain we can't even properly move or some days we have the worst headaches from crying. You can clearly see one over the other but it's still a physical pain. Fast heartbeats, sweaty palms, and nausea can all be physical actions that we feel. The best advice I can give for treating your physical well-being is finding something that works best for you and your body. That could be sleeping in extra longer to recharge after a long day, eating healthier to get more energy, or going on a run throughout your neighboorhood.

4. Social Self-Care

I have this really bad habit of isolating myself when things aren't going to great in my life. I tend to suppress every little thing, pretend like everything's okay (when it's obviously not), and just disconnect myself from the outside world. We've all been there. Sometimes it's not answering your parents' phone calls or declining any plans that may come your way. I'm a homebody that loves her alone time, but even then it feels off. I eventually learned that none of these are a healthy way of coping when times get hard; instead, I've begun different approaches like getting my favorite food with my best friends, joining a club and meeting new people that have the same interest as me, or just simply just trying to live in the moment.

5. Mental Self-Care 

Our mental health is an important subject that we should all be familiar with. It's a major contributor when taking care of ourselves and technically, all the previous categories can be taken into our account for mental health as well. Personally, I tend to overthink everything that comes into my mind––I'm sure a lot of people do. For me, I'd say it's always important to remember to step back, breathe, and become present in time instead of focusing on the bad. I know it's easier said than done but replaying all the bad times and analyzing those moments can be detrimental to our health; don't let it consume you as hard as it may try to. Always take a day off for yourself when you need it!

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I Went To "The Bachelor" Auditions

And here's why you won’t be seeing me on TV.
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It’s finally time to admit my guilty pleasure: I have always been a huge fan of The Bachelor.

I can readily admit that I’ve been a part of Bachelor fantasy leagues, watch parties, solo watching — you name it, I’ve gone the whole nine yards. While I will admit that the show can be incredibly trashy at times, something about it makes me want to watch it that much more. So when I found out that The Bachelor was holding auditions in Houston, I had to investigate.

While I never had the intention of actually auditioning, there was no way I would miss an opportunity to spend some time people watching and check out the filming location of one of my favorite TV shows.

The casting location of The Bachelor, The Downtown Aquarium in Houston, was less than two blocks away from my office. I assumed that I would easily be able to spot the audition line, secretly hoping that the endless line of people would beg the question: what fish could draw THAT big of a crowd?

As I trekked around the tanks full of aquatic creatures in my bright pink dress and heels (feeling somewhat silly for being in such nice clothes in an aquarium and being really proud of myself for somewhat looking the part), I realized that these auditions would be a lot harder to find than I thought.

Finally, I followed the scent of hairspray leading me up the elevator to the third floor of the aquarium.

The doors slid open. I found myself at the end of a large line of 20-something-year-old men and women and I could feel all eyes on me, their next competitor. I watched as one woman pulled out her travel sized hair curler, someone practiced answering interview questions with a companion, and a man (who was definitely a little too old to be the next bachelor) trying out his own pick-up lines on some of the women standing next to him.

I walked to the end of the line (trying to maintain my nonchalant attitude — I don’t want to find love on a TV show). As I looked around, I realized that one woman had not taken her eyes off of me. She batted her fake eyelashes and looked at her friend, mumbling something about the *grumble mumble* “girl in the pink dress.”

I felt a wave of insecurity as I looked down at my body, immediately beginning to recognize the minor flaws in my appearance.

The string hanging off my dress, the bruise on my ankle, the smudge of mascara I was sure I had on the left corner of my eye. I could feel myself begin to sweat. These women were all so gorgeous. Everyone’s hair was perfectly in place, their eyeliner was done flawlessly, and most of them looked like they had just walked off the runway. Obviously, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I walked over to the couches and sat down. For someone who for the most part spent most of the two hours each Monday night mocking the cast, I was shocked by how much pressure and tension I felt in the room.

A cop, stationed outside the audition room, looked over at me. After a brief explanation that I was just there to watch, he smiled and offered me a tour around the audition space. I watched the lines of beautiful people walk in and out of the space, realizing that each and every one of these contestants to-be was fixated on their own flaws rather than actually worrying about “love.”

Being with all these people, I can see why it’s so easy to get sucked into the fantasy. Reality TV sells because it’s different than real life. And really, what girl wouldn’t like a rose?

Why was I so intimidated by these people? Reality TV is actually the biggest oxymoron. In real life, one person doesn’t get to call all the shots. Every night isn’t going to be in a helicopter looking over the south of France. A real relationship depends on more than the first impression.

The best part of being in a relationship is the reality. The best part about yourself isn’t your high heels. It’s not the perfect dress or the great pick-up lines. It’s being with the person that you can be real with. While I will always be a fan of The Bachelor franchise, this was a nice dose of reality. I think I’ll stick to my cheap sushi dates and getting caught in the rain.

But for anyone who wants to be on The Bachelor, let me just tell you: Your mom was right. There really are a lot of fish in the sea. Or at least at the aquarium.

Cover Image Credit: The Cut

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Taking Time For Yourself Is Nothing To Feel Guilty About, It's Healthy

Your emotional health should be your utmost priority — and you deserve to be in good emotional health.

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Renowned Sōtō Zen monk Shunryu Suzuki once said that: "We do not exist for the sake of something else. We exist for the sake of ourselves." We've often been told the opposite, however. We've been told that our worth is dependent on what we can do for others and that our existence itself is meant for the advancement of society. There is no place within our culture to truly exist with ourselves. The parts of our culture that claim to value self-love and self-care tend to commodify it in the form of relaxation products and personal development products — albeit helpful at times but mostly meant to addict us without true benefit to our inner selves.

As a young student, I talked with an orthopedic surgeon — a very overworked, ambitious woman — who told me to learn how to make it in the long haul, whether in my personal, interpersonal, or career life. You had to learn to enjoy yourself and find inner peace along the way. Because there would come a time, she said, when I would become guilty to take time for myself and forget what it's like to really enjoy life. Unfortunately, I made it to that point — I worked and worked and worked until I finally burned myself out. That's when I had to make certain changes in my life to understand how I got to that point and where I needed to go from there.

In the midst of our grand ambitions, it's easy to either go all in or all out. Either to give your entire self to a certain end or give nothing at all. I've been very much guilty of ending up on both ends of the spectrum — I would either devote all my time to writing/school or hit a roadblock and give it all up for a while. It felt like the value of my life was predicated on success, whatever that meant, in terms of contributing more and more and achieving more and more. It's never, ever enough, however. No matter what you achieve, there will always be a million more things on your to-do list. Whatever you triumph over, there will always be a million more roadblocks in your path.

The answer for me was to learn how to exist with myself, how to exist with other people, how to exist amidst all the dreams I had for the future, but also in the present moment where all my past dreams had come to fruition. Sometimes I would dive too deep into myself, and lose myself in thought, as noted in Chbosky's "The Perks of Being a Wallflower," "Sometimes people use thought to not participate in life." But I learned to participate fully, each moment to moment not necessarily enjoyable, but I find enjoyable moments each day with my friends, dog, boyfriend, and myself alone with a book or a pen.

Oftentimes as a crisis counselor, I am asked the questions: What's the point? Why am I here? What is there to look forward to? It's hard for me to precisely answer that question because, frankly, no one has anyone answer. But here's an answer that I believe in, born of taking time for ourselves: we live to feel the hope for happiness again. We live for the moments of joy, contentment, relaxation, excitement, pleasure, love, happiness, everything. We live to experience and to find each other. We live on because each new moment brings a surprise. There are many, many good moments in the future for all of us, even amongst the bad.

It's impossible to really experience life, however, if we're unable to take time to ourselves. That's one of my greatest fears, actually, that life will pass me by and I won't be able to experience each day as a full and complete miracle. There's something lost when everyone else gains from commodifying all aspects of our lives. Are you going to keep living for everyone else, or will you learn to exist for yourself? Do you owe the world your entire self, or can you take back at least some of yourself right now? Is it selfish to feel happy and not only to suffer?

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