All my life, I’ve always been chunky. There’s not a time that I can recall when I wasn’t heavier than the people around me.

I remember when I was in sixth grade, I finally found an Aeropostale shirt that fit me and I was so excited because that’s what every other girl my age was wearing. I was finally able to fit in in some aspect. Ever since then, it’s only been a continuous fight to be like the girls around me and blend in. Honestly though, while I wish I was smaller, I’ve grown to accept who I am after a long battle; however, those around me haven’t and I really wish people would see me for me, and not my weight.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people are reluctant to get to know me at first because all they see is my weight. Due to this, unfortunately, some people won’t even give me a chance to become friends with them or join certain groups. I think people just assume that I don’t like to do the same things that other people my age do. For example, I love going out with my friends. I’m in college where it’s the time to have fun before the real world comes.

I’ve walked into a house and have had groups of girls stare at me to the point where I feel the need to basically hide from their looks. My friends and I have heard them say as soon as I enter the room “Why is someone like her here?” It’s not that I don’t know how to dress appropriately for my size, so my only guess as to why they would stare and say such things is because they don’t think I fit in. The answer to that is I’m just trying to have fun like everyone else there is.

I’m not a punch line to your jokes. Just because I’m heavier does not mean that I’m automatically the subject of cruel remarks that are followed by “just playing.” I notice that similar things are not directed towards others, and it hurts.

Yeah, I’ll be a good sport about it at the time, but on the inside, I’ll be questioning if the friendship is real or not. Obviously, I’m aware of it and I don’t need to be reminded through these “jokes.” Off of what I was saying, don’t just assume I’ll stick around because you think I need friends. I’d rather have no friends than friends who put me down.

A lot of times, I feel like when I’m interviewing for something or just trying to join a club, it’s obvious that they’re not really listening to what I’m saying. I’m not saying that I don’t get chosen for some things just because of my weight, I’m just aware that there have been occasions where I know for a fact it’s happened because of that reason. It makes me sad though to know that there are others who can’t look past the physical things to really see what a person can offer and that they’re going to miss out on some potentially amazing people.

My weight doesn’t define me.

It doesn’t mean I’m lazy.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t try to take care of myself.

It doesn’t mean that I’m worth less than those who aren't as heavy.

While I know you’re probably thinking “Why doesn’t she just lose weight?” I can admit that I should work out more than I do. It’s a learning process though. I’m not sitting on my couch constantly eating sweets like I think some people probably assume I do. I eat a pretty healthy and balanced diet. I’ve gone through periods of time these past few years where I’ve lost a bunch of weight, then gained it all back in less time than it took me to lose it even if I change one thing up in my routine.

The thing is though, I don’t feel like I should have to lose weight for people to give me a chance. I feel like we shouldn't focus on peoples' weight when getting to know them, but focus on who they are as a person. Those who know me will tell you I’m very social and outgoing. I’m willing to put myself out there, despite the judgment I know I’m receiving from others. I’m the person who will go out of my way to help my friends just to make sure they’re taken care of; so if that’s me, I’m fine with who I am.