Is what the creators should have done by now, bury the show here. Amirite? So that’s twice I’ve opened an article with that joke. But Season Six and Seven are the weakest the show has offered. And Seven takes the crown in this failure (maybe Eight is worse, but I’ll touch on that in that season’s article).

But Season Seven can really be summed up with one question: WHAT’S WITH ALL THE SMILING? Remember how scared Rick was in the premiere of Season Seven and finale of Season Six? If not I can remind you. His pants were covered in piss. But now he’s “hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime, summertime gal?” (Emerson, Howard). I don’t buy it. And every boy is smiling. The finale of this season has everyone collected at Hilltop marching with a whole “we can do this vibe.” What makes you think that now? The episodes can be outlined in one sentence each as follows.

Episode One

Rick pees himself, Abraham and Glenn get turned into mashed potatoes

Episode Two

We meet King Ezekiel (who should have been played by Dave Fennoy, voice of Lee Everett from the superior Telltale Games Season One)

Episode Three

Daryl changes his clothes for the first time, and Dwight decides to wear those dirty clothes for himself

Episode Four

Negan stops by Alexandria for some grocery shopping

Episode Five

The Saviors come to Hilltop

Episode Six

The episode with Tara, you know, the one no one cared about

Episode Seven

Carl plays hide and seek and peek-a-boos at The Sanctuary

Episode Eight

Rick and Aaron go fishing? And Julian from One Tree Hill gets gutted.

The next eight episodes can be summed up as follows; build up to All Out War Storyline from the comics. It’s just build up, some garbage people who talk like Yoda, a lot of smiling and oh yeah, Negan goes to kill Carl and Rick’s all “I’m just a wave in the sea brah… just a wave in the sea.” He doesn’t actually say that, but he’s very caviler with his son’s life given how he acted the last time he was in that situation.

Rick was almost forced to cut Carl’s hand off last time. And he peed his pants. I don’t think he apologized, and now he’s all “let the wind carry you, my child.” Why is he willing to be so accepting this time? Also, you’re no better off than you were 18 episodes ago Ricko. Regardless, The Kingdom comes to the rescue like The Wonder Pets along with King Ezekiel’s pet tiger Shiva Kamini Soma Kandarkram. Okay, that the character from The League, you caught me. But his tiger is named Shiva.

But the real highlight of this season is Episode 12, Say Yes. In it, is the most realistic representation of a wild animal too dangerous to film with to ever presented on television. View the provided photograph to see for yourself.

The lighting is off and she’s proportionally weird. Anyways, the big complaint with this season, which I’ve hinted, is pacing. It’s very a slow, dreadful build up to a storyline that could have happened this season. And I really want to see The Whisperers already. They’re my favorite part of the comics and I just want that story.

I think it will help bring the show somewhere new that may deviate from the constant repetition. I mean, the show will always have the “new group, issues arise, the group’s gone, new place, repeat” formula, but The Whispers at least bring a speed bump to that, throwing a curve ball into the equation. Yes, my metaphors have just mixed up right there. But my metaphor usage is just as all over the place as the writing on The Walking Dead is, so DEAL WITH IT!

I thought the garbage folk were going to be The Whisperers. But that was obviously not the case and thank God for that because imagine if that was the show’s interpretation of Alpha and her clan! It would have been horrible.

Alexandra Breckenridge made a pitch for her character to remain on the show, rather than die in the premiere of Season Six B.

“I sent Scott an email and had a pitch for how he didn't have to kill Jessie. It wasn't totally serious and said, "Her children get killed, Sam is eaten and Ron is killed trying to kill Rick — and Jessie leaves the group and you don't find her for another year and a half when you see her in season seven or eight and she's a crazy feral woman." (Laughing) I thought it was fun. It was a more interesting direction than standing there in shock and getting eaten herself” (Goldberg, Hollywoodreporter.com).

You know who that sounds like? Alpha! How cool would that have been? A returning character that has a personal vendetta with Rick, raising the stakes even more and creating more of a speed bump in the storyline. Maybe the romance between them could even be rekindled while they’re trying to kill each other?

Sounds pretty Game Of Thrones-esque, amirite? Just another example of where they don’t bother taking the source and altering it in a new, clever way. And this Whisperer’s introduction could have helped tie in Fear The Walking Dead sooner since Nick (while he may not be a Whisperer) is clearly demonstrating some of their tendencies (at least he was).