Atelphobia. The fear of not being good enough.
Everywhere we turn, we are measuring ourselves and trying to find similarities with those we put on a pedestal. I feel pressured constantly to be better, but not in a motivating way. I feel as if I am losing my defined characteristics, what makes me unique, to conform, trying to fit into the mold we as a society have created. I know many people who, like me, push themselves to reach their goals. Those who do it in a healthy way, I applaud. Many do it the easier way. The faster way. The negative way.
I’m a college student, so naturally I feel the need to compare my success to my friends and to others around me who are also in college. Since my junior year of high school, I have felt inferior to many because of my class rank or my standardized test scores, my grades and the ranking of the colleges I was interested in. Even my major.
It took me an entire year at the University of Maryland to realize this: who cares?
I chose the University of Maryland for many reasons, one of them being their College of Education. The secondary education program is incredible and I was blown away by the opportunities they could provide for me. This isn’t implemented many other places, and it’s a perfect fit for me. If you are an engineer or business or art major, you may find other colleges that have programs perfect for you. That’s great. That’s the beauty of college.
I took a step back after my freshman year and saw all the success I had and my achievements. I went home proud of the fact I attended many sports events and was sucked into the crazy world of D1 athletics. I joined clubs. I reached out and made friends and I came out with good grades. Maybe, just maybe, that would have happened at another university, but I wouldn’t change it. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
I have looked at many lists that rank which colleges are the best and where you can get the illustrious, impressive education. The reality of the situation is that it’s all relative. Why does it matter that I am not attending an Ivy League school? I feel at home and confident where I am. I love having the big school with spirit and a community that supports our students and athletics. My campus is beautiful and I meet new people every day. My classes are engaging and I learned more than I even expected too. I found interests I didn’t even know I had. This is everything I wanted in a university.
I am not a failure because I am not enrolled at the Forbes No. 1 college in the entire country. How can they even decide that? I should not be looking at my friend’s experiences and comparing them to mine because they will be different. They are all where they belong, and so am I.
So whether you are in college or a rising senior who is facing what seems to be the scariest decision of their life, let me give you a piece of advice.
This is your life. Focus on you. Be selfish. Think about your dreams and goals and don’t compare them to others. Don’t feel down because your best friend is going to a school people deem to be prestigious. Don't let anyone tell you, you aren't good enough. Every college will provide a different experience, and you just have to find your perfect fit.
Conquer your fear.
