When I first came out to Colorado for school, I was doing exactly that--coming out here. I never said that I was moving here, or that I lived here, but simply that I was going to school here. It was only the education that had brought me across the country, and at first that seemed like the only reason.
But I noticed recently that when I talk about Colorado and the current position I am in, I say that I moved here and live here. This is true in an obvious way, I packed all my stuff up into boxes and drove here. I moved into a dorm, now an apartment, and that was that. I live here about 9 months out of the year, otherwise I'm back home. But home isn't my only home anymore, and I couldn't be more grateful for that. Colorado has truly become "my home away from home" as cheesy as that sounds. I live here, I mean that I really live out here. Not just the housing aspects, but this is my whole life now. Hiking, studying, socializing. This is where I found what I was looking for all of last year, I just hadn't been looking in the right place.
It seems like more and more often I find myself looking around and just thanking God again and again for this amazing place, this perfect fit for me. Of course there are rough nights and bad times, but that happens everywhere. I can't believe this new love of life I have--I'm so happy. And maybe I am this way because I know what its like being on the other side of the spectrum, feeling unfulfilled or feeling like something is wrong with you. I've grown a lot in the last two years and as much as I might've hated my school at one point, I don't regret anything. I wouldn't be who I am today without going through the things I went through (cliche, right?). But its true.
It sort of happened slowly and then all at once. I occasionally would just smile because I knew where I was meant to be, and then it kind of hit me all at once that I had not only found what I was looking for, but that its more than I ever could've imagined. Everything did turn out okay, it just took some time.
And I appreciate it that much more now, and I love myself, my friends, my school. I finally feel like I belong, like I am where I am supposed to be, and like I am going to be okay. If I went back a year to see myself, she would be a very different person. Someone who was struggling, someone who felt like she had no one to turn to, and someone who had just stopped caring (and not in a good way). I am a completely changed person, in a completely new place in my life, living a completely new adventure. And I love every minute of it.
That's how my school became my home.