The small talk of nearby strangers distracts me from my feelings as I sit in a small local coffee shop. A loud hissing sound comes from the espresso machine, and it accurately demonstrates how I'm feeling -- tense and jittery. Two older men who have never met talk about the cut of one's suit as I try to type out the thoughts in my head about leaving my little town. I have written of my journey to college before: about the hardships I faced during my first year away from home, and about the lessons I learned while I was gone. But this time, on the eve of my departure, I don't quite know how to explain how I'm feeling. Last year, I left with the promise of periodical returns to my hometown and a summer with my friends and family. No matter the outcome of my school year, I would have home to return to if need be. This year, everything is different. I graduate college this year, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing after I walk across that stage. For the sake of my future, though, I know one thing that I have to do is say goodbye.

I am not alone in these feelings of uncertainty. Very few people that I have spoken to had a concrete plan that they executed perfectly when they finished any stage in their life -- high school, college, a certain job, or a period of living somewhere. It is a scary thing to not know what your next step is. I am a meticulous planner: from day trips to traveling to the other side of the world, I have to know exactly what's going to happen. If you're like me, you will be able to understand my anxiety about life after college pretty well. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with myself -- but do I need to right away? Will I be looked down on if I don't have a detailed plan for the first year after I graduate? I feel that, in a world that is growing to understand that uncertainty is everywhere, I might be my own worst critic.

When you leave something significant behind, whether it's in moving, ending a relationship, or starting a new adventure, it's going to hurt, no matter how good the new thing is. I love my college. My friends are incredible and I have missed them so much this summer. The campus is great. I love my classes and can't wait to dive into my new schedule. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to miss my home and the people here. The uncertainty of my life after graduation makes it even harder to say goodbye. I've never been good at goodbyes in the first place. How daunting it is that this could be the end of my time here.

I recently went to the going away party of an old friend who is leaving for college. I hadn't been to her house in ages, but everything was exactly as I remember it. When I stayed to help clean up after the party, I remembered where the trash can was without even thinking about it. I remembered the little quirks about the house and knew where everything was. As I left the house, I noticed that the friend still had the sand art bottle made for my 18th birthday party proudly displayed by the front door. While this friend and I are no longer as close as we once were, our goodbye was bittersweet just as it would have been if we had remained close -- it was not as difficult as saying goodbye to my grandparents after they helped me move into my college dorm, but it had its own type of pain because of the past I have with the friend. Goodbyes are a time to reflect and to appreciate what someone, something, or someplace has given you. They may always be hard, but they remind us of what we have.