Saying “Goodbye” to anyone in whatever context is never fun. Yet, we rarely ever say it.

Have you ever noticed when you are leaving the house or your friend for a brief moment you might only say a simple, “See you later,” or “I’ll be back tomorrow,” or “I’ll see you on Tuesday?” It’s never usually a goodbye but it is looking forward to the next time that you’ll see that person.

A goodbye to me marks a longer absence, something more significant than just parting ways for the day. A goodbye opens a door to an abyss of time before you will see that person again. You say goodbye because you do not know when the next time you are going to see that person is, so you can only hope that you’ll see them soon but you won’t see them on Tuesday, so the only thing you can say is a “Goodbye.”

I hate saying “Goodbyes,” but then again does anyone really like to have to say “Goodbye?” Saying “Goodbye” to me marks a period of change in a relationship or in life. And I don’t like change. When I have to say “Goodbye” to someone it means that someone who is a regular presence in my life, someone I see multiple times a week, is not going to be there anymore.

This may mean saying goodbye to my parents until I see them 8 weeks later, saying goodbye to my extended family members for 3 months until I come home from school, saying goodbye to friends from college for the 3 months of summer, saying goodbye to a friend who is studying abroad for a year-and-a-half, or saying goodbye for an infinitely long amount of time.

No matter how long you have to say goodbye to someone for, it marks a transition in the relationship you have with this other person. Your time together isn’t as consistent as what it might have been, instead of weekly coffee dates there are monthly FaceTime updates, instead of quick pop-ins throughout the week there are sporadic flurries of texts or Snapchats exchanged. Thank goodness for digital communication because it makes staying up to date with people so much easier, but nothing is the same as face-to-face, in person interaction.

The other aspect of saying “Goodbye” that I struggle with is the physical act of saying “Goodbye” and creating that opening of space between that moment and the next time you’ll see that person. In these moments, I never know what to say. I always want to remain optimistic that I’ll keep in touch with the other person and they will do the same, so I want to say see you soon. But in the back of my heart there is this fear that I will literally never see them again or that we won’t keep in touch as much as I would hope.

I am a very sentimental person so with most people I have to say “Goodbye” to I want to keep in touch and I don’t want to see them disappear from my life forever. At the same time, I don’t want to seem needy and beg them to keep in touch. I don’t like the unknown of what will happen next and how my relationship with this person will evolve. I just wish I could be confident that everything will stay the same.

So in this uncomfortable space of saying “Goodbye” a series of hugs is most likely exchanged, words mumbled, and the timing of when to part ways is always a bit awkward because no one wants to create the space but you know it has to come.

The beauty of “Goodbyes” for me is that most of them remain engrained in my memory. The last moments I have with a person before we part ways. I remember the first time my best friend from home and I parted for college. I was leaving her house and headed to my car. We probably had 4 hugs between the entryway of her house and the parking strip of grass in front of where my car was parked. We knew this moment was inevitable but we still didn’t really know how to handle it.

It does not matter how much time you have to prepare to say “Goodbye” to someone, time will not make it any better or any easier. Sometimes time to think about leaving someone just makes it harder. “Goodbyes” are like ripping a Band-Aid off, a wound is revealed, but that wound of the initial departure scabs and starts to heal. The wound may leave a scar, but if anything that scar serves as a painfully beautiful reminder of something that was once there.

So, maybe the next time you leave someone, leave them with something. Something a bit more physical than a hug, so that way each time the other person thinks of you that can seek comfort in whatever you left them with and know that you are still with them in some ways.