Do you ever find yourself making the most ridiculous, trivial excuses? Do you secretly want good situations to take a turn for the worst? Do you postpone taking steps towards your future, even if it’s something you’re passionate about? Do you try to justify why a new relationship, job, or opportunity won't work out?

If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, then you may be a victim of self-sabotage—just like me.

It all starts out the same. Something fresh and intriguing comes along, and for a split second, you're happy. You're thinking about how you've missed the feeling of simplicity, or how you finally have something meaningful back in your life. But that feeling doesn't last for long. You begin to doubt what you thought you knew, and that spark fades faster than it came. You start to irrationalize every action or every word, until finally you swallow the lies you've been feeding yourself. You paint yourself an unrealistic picture that’s permanently stained in your mind. And just like that, you're finishing whatever it is you've started without giving it a second chance.

I've been there. Looking back, I've met self-sabotage on many different occasions. Except I've never wanted to face the truth of it until now. And I’m here to tell you that you can kick self-sabotage’s selfish ass.

I first acknowledged my self-sabotage habit a few months ago, when I began talking to this new guy. It was nothing serious—some casual texting, snapchatting, and even a few memes here and there. I thought I was interested, and after a while, he began asking when we would get the chance to finally hangout. As soon as the pressure was on, that’s when the alarms went off. They started off faint, like overanalyzing or misconstruing a text. But those dull signals turned into a deafening noise—a full-blown dissection of character. I convinced myself it would never work out—not because of my own insecurities, but because he was “too much like my ex” or “too clingy” or “too whatever it was I hated”. And the worst part of it all? These excuses were just one big conspiracy to cover up the truth: I morphed him into the bad guy so I wouldn’t take the fall instead.

Everyone self-sabotages for different reasons. But at the end of the day, it all leads back to fear. Fear of disappointment, fear of heartbreak, fear of loneliness, fear of anything. If it scares you, it’s most likely going to hold you back in some way. Once I realized I was caught in this vicious cycle, I linked it back to other recent points in my life. School, friendships, jobs, adventures, relationships—you name it, I sabotaged it. There were so many opportunities I should've taken advantage of. What if I never got those opportunities back, or what if I missed out on something extraordinary?

I guess somewhere along the line, I decided I wasn’t “worthy” of the opportunities that headed my way. I developed the mindset that no matter what, I was going to ruin it. Rather than become too invested (because we all know the deeper you are, the more it hurts), I would end something before it got to the good part, in an effort to spare myself from any kind of pain. And if I've learned anything from this obstacle, it’s that life is all about pain—and how you choose to ease it.

So screw avoiding it. Embrace it. Challenge your anxiety or pain or fear—whatever it is that’s holding you back—to get you where you need to be. It’s okay to take baby steps. Those baby steps will eventually turn into miles, and soon enough, those miles add up to be one hell of a journey. Because that’s what it’s all about, right? While the destination is your main focus, you can't forget to appreciate the scenery along the way.

Self-sabotage has been a roadblock in my journey that I couldn’t figure out how to get around. But now, I'm at the point where I can look past it, and start focusing on the view instead.