I remember the excitement I felt when I thought about going through the rush process for a sorority. I couldn't wait to find my "home" and a have house full of people I knew I could count on when I really needed it. What I ended up finding was exactly the opposite.

I went into the rush process feeling extremely self-conscious about myself. I pushed those thoughts aside and tried to be as confident in who I was and to just be myself. There were houses where I felt a connection with the girls and others where I knew I wouldn't quite fit in. With each round, I found my excitement growing as I started to feel really connected with a couple of the houses and started to envision myself as part of the sisterhood.

The day for preference rounds came and I was just finishing getting ready for the last round before bid day. All of a sudden, my phone starts to ring and I see the name of my Gamma Chi, a sorority member who helps girls through the recruitment process, appear on the screen. My stomach dropped because I knew what that meant. I hesitantly answered the phone to hear, "Erika, we're really sorry, but you've been dropped from the rush process." This meant that no houses had asked me to come back. After hanging up, I just fell to the ground and cried.

Instead of finding a home and support system, I found something that ruined any positive thought I had about myself. Out of 18 houses on campus, none of them wanted me. What was wrong with me? Did I not dress right? Did I say the wrong thing? I remember staying away from topics that we weren't supposed to discuss. I honestly couldn't think of why I didn't get asked back, and I still can't to this day.

I think what makes it worse is that right after, a lot of my friends who are in houses that knew I was rushing would ask what house I got and when I said I was dropped, the response was "What? How? That makes no sense." Yeah, I don't understand it either.

For maybe a month after that, I hated myself. Obviously, something was very wrong with me for none of them to want me. I just sat in my bed and cried. I even told my friends in houses that I couldn't talk to them anymore because I wasn't good enough for them. They quickly tried to change my mind, but that wasn't enough. My depression worsened and all my days just seemed dark. I couldn't stop the tears that poured constantly.

The most upsetting part I think was having people who got a bid, say they didn't care whether or not they were in a house or that their parent made them do it, and if it wasn't their choice, then they wouldn't be in the house right now. It's so disheartening that people are a part of something and don't appreciate it when I wanted it so badly.

It's still a sensitive subject. I don't really like to talk about it, but I try to think of the good things that came out of it. I'm able to focus more on my writing, spend time with my friends, and now I will most likely get to study abroad.

I guess sometimes you really do just have to find the diamond in the rough. Even though that seems impossible sometimes.