When I was little, I wanted to be a princess or an astronaut, or both. A "princetronaut," if you will. Once I got a little older, I wanted to become a doctor, then once I got older than that, I wanted to be a surgeon. But, ultimately, a world traveler. Now, I am even older.

What do I want to do now?

Well, an easy answer would be this: "I'm majoring in psychology with minors in French, criminology, and sociology, and I want to eventually work internationally in non-profit mental health clinics or in investigations." I have said this so much that it is completely ingrained in my mind forever.

But, that's sort of confusing. If you were to ask me what I want to do, but not limit it to a career, I would say I want to travel the world. That's truly one of my highest ambitions. If you were to ask me what I need to do, I would say anything that helps me better serve God. The only thing is, I don't know what to do in order to do that yet. I'm doing my best now (on most days), but how will my lifestyle, later on, fit that criterion?

We all know who we want to be. I know who I want to be. But, I struggle with self-identity because I forget that I am only 19-years-old. The reality is, I don't have to be myself yet. I am in the process of learning more about myself and I will eventually become Teaghen. Right now I'm just... "Teaghen."

I am not just a career, though.

I have feelings and they are a bat on the baseball that is my mind. I am my own worst enemy in the sense that I just feel so much. As someone who struggles heavily with depression and anxiety, I would sometimes much prefer to not feel anything at all (cue "Feel Something" by Bea Miller). Although my Meyer-Briggs indicates I am an INTJ, therefore a thinker, I wonder exactly how close I was to being a feeler.

I'm really good at loving others. Although it may be in a quiet, low-key way, I do my best to go out of my way for others. I try not to ask for much, but even I have to admit that sometimes, it hurts to hardly get a thank you back. But, I also recognize that I don't need a thank you in order to do good deeds. And it isn't why I do them in the first place.

I have a passion for helping and my day is easier knowing I made someone else's day easier.

I'm really bad at expressing myself. I have a hard time telling others what or how I'm feeling. When asked how I am, I always say, "I'm doing well, how are you?" But, I want to say, "I'm struggling a lot, but I'm trying hard." That's too much information, though. I can't let others worry about me. I don't need to be the reason someone stays up at night or the reason someone feels burdened. It's just easier if I keep to myself. I do love long talks, though. If you put me in the right room with the right person at the right time, my heart spills. I suddenly went from someone who seemed like they felt nothing to someone who carried every burden of the world on her back.

I love God and I identify as a believer. It is hard for me to always live up to that, though. As someone who struggles with self-love, it is hard for me to see myself as a beautiful creation, hand-carved by God himself. Even if at the end of the day I am sure of that, I still can't help but think that I was somehow a factory reject and wound up here by chance. That's harsh on myself, but it's a step up from how I used to think. Self-love is still a finish line I may never reach.

I don't exactly know who I am, but I know what I am.

I am a leader. I am a lover. I am a fighter. I am a worrier. I am a caregiver. I am a believer. I am a force to be reckoned with. I am a learner. I am a compassionate person. I am a friend. I am a brick wall. I am a person who is growing more and more to find herself every day.