At this point in my life, I don't know if I believe you are really out there. People keep telling me all about you; how one day we will meet and we will both just know. But right now, I don't believe in you.

They say that one day I will meet the guy who will make me understand why it never worked with anyone else. Why I went through relationships that shattered my heart or made me feel unwanted. But right now, I'm not ready for that.

This past summer, I went through a breakup that shook me to my core and left me not knowing which way was up or what I was supposed to do next. I had spent six years loving someone with every piece of my being before he found someone else and left me on my own. I wont lie and say I handled the breakup well because the truth is I didn't. For a while after it happened, I was left in a really dark place and felt lost. But then I met people who showed me pure unconditional love and friendship, and quickly became my family away from home. And then day by day, I started to heal and it all started to hurt less. Some time has passed since then, and I can't remember a time where I could say I was this happy. But I'm still not ready.

When the day comes and we officially meet, you will quickly learn that I am not always easy to deal with and most of the time I will probably drive you crazy. But I will be the most loyal person you can ever find and I will love you with my entire heart. I am not a half way type of girl; I'm all in or all out, so if I love you, you will never have to question it. But I will also probably try to push you away. I won't be able to let you get close to me because I'm afraid of having my heart broken again. It wont be something you've done wrong, I simply wont know how to let you get close to me without believing you are just going to hurt me. So for the time being, I'm not ready for you. I'm not ready to believe in feelings again. I'm not ready to put my heart back out there. And I'm not ready to fall in love again. So for right now, I choose me.

I choose to get dressed up for me.

I choose to study for my future.

I choose to work two jobs to support myself.

I choose to fight for my happiness.

I choose to live everyday for me.

I choose to fight for me.

I choose to love myself.

I choose me.

We live in a society where people believe we need another person's love in order to be happy and I believed that. In the past I was so focused on how another person was loving me, that I forgot to love myself and when my relationship went south, I didn't know who I was and I refuse to let that happen again.Therefore, I know there will be a day when all of that will change and I will be working for both of us. I will be living everyday for our happiness and our future together. But right now, I need to focus on me. I need to fall completely and whole heatedly in love with myself before I can learn to love you. I have to learn that I do not need another person to define me. That I am my own person with my own dreams and aspirations that I want to accomplish in my life and I need to realize that I don't have to give those dreams up in order to be loved. I need to engrave in my own mind that I do matter and I am a strong woman on my own. I have to realize that I don't need someone else to make my light shine, but one day the right person will only help make my light shine even brighter. AndI need to be happy with myself before I can be happy with you.

So if you're out there and you're reading this, I hope you know that I am praying for you. I am praying for the day that I will meet you and be ready to let you in my heart. I don't know how long from now that will be, but I believe God has a plan for my life and he will send you into my life when he know's I'm ready to open my heart again. So until then, I will choose me, each and everyday without question because I know I am worth it. I deserve to be happy and I deserve to fall in love with my life and who I am on my own without you.

"Self love is an ocean and your heart is a vessel. Make it full, and any excess will spill over into the lives of those you hold dear. But you must come first." -Beau Taplin