Have you ever sat in your bed at 2 a.m. and just contemplated life? Wondered how you got so lucky, or unlucky, why you lost the things/people you did, or why you deserve the people you have? Life is a funny thing, I like to think of it as a game, no one comes out unscathed, but everyone comes out with some kind of wisdom, a greater knowledge of how things work and how we all came to be the people we are today.
To have the things I do today, I had to lose a lot, and I mean a lot. Would I go back if i had the chance to re-live everything and make different decisions to save myself the pain, or at least some of it? Absolutely not.
No, I am not 40 years old.
I don't have all my shit together yet, but I've been through enough to know that nothing that happens in life is a coincidence. Everyone that is in your life, whether they take their coats off and stay a while or walk away just when you truly started to understand them, serves some purpose- some greater meaning.
My high schools years weren't the greatest, when the good was good it was great, and when the bad was bad, may no one go through what I did. My senior year of high school was the worst, to me it felt like I was losing parts of myself to things I didn't understand. While I'm happy to take care of others and put them before me, I realized that that was my biggest flaw.
In trying to love others I forgot to love myself.
College came around and it gave me the strength I needed, that little push to realize that I'm the most important person in my life, and through loving myself and my life, I attracted better and kinder people.
After almost five years of ups and downs with the wrong person, my best friend - my true and constant love - walked back into my life and showed me how beautiful it could be. I made new friends after old friends left, and I laughed more than anything else.
You may be a little lost reading my story, wondering what it has to do with a "revelation," and here I'll tell you:
You would never know to cherish the warmth of the sun if you never felt the cold from the storms. There are plenty of people in the world who have been through worse, and while this isn't my whole story, the one thing I know for certain is that if I went back in time and changed even just one move, I might not have the life I do today; the life I've always wanted full of happiness, love, friends, family, and new experiences.
So, sitting here at 2 a.m. wondering, thinking back to years past, I would go through all of it again, 12 times over if I knew I would find myself here again.