In many Hollywood movies, retirement communities are portrayed as bad places to live. They’re the kind of depressing places no one wants to move into. No elderly person wants to be locked up where their kids hardly ever visit them. Nobody wants their independence, and very possibly their rights, taken away from them. In many movies, these elderly people are also portrayed as having grumpy qualities with famous quotes such as, “Get off my lawn, ya dang kids!” Having worked at a retirement community for almost four years now, I can tell you these stereotypes, like most, are false. And not false as in there is not one ill-tempered elderly person out there, because there is. And not false as in there are no bad retirement communities to live in, because there are. These stereotypes are false as in the sense that they do not apply to all.

"Gran Torino" is a great example of a Hollywood movie portraying both of these stereotypes. Now, whether or not you’ve seen the movie is irrelevant. The powerful story of the film does not revolve around a retirement home. Rather, it is only a subplot in the overall script. Clint Eastwood’s character’s children bring him some pamphlets one day about a nice retirement community and the next scene the camera cuts to is the children storming out of the house because, the audience knows, Clint Eastwood’s character turned them down flat and kicked them out of his house. We are delighted when we see an elderly person still independent and living on his own. “Yay for independence!” we cheer in our American culture. Some movies portray an ill-tempered elderly person as the comedic relief. Either way these movies are very popular. The idea of staying independent for longer appeals to younger people for obvious reasons.

However, just because you move into a retirement community, does not mean your life is over. Just because you ask for help, therefore become temporarily dependent on someone else, does not mean you’re no longer an American. Some of the people who choose to make my workplace their home are the nicest and most wonderful people I know. Unfortunately, the only movie I know where a retirement home is looked nicely upon in Hollywood is The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, but you don’t have to travel all the way to India to find one.

I understand where these stereotypes come from. Elder abuse is a problem in some nursing homes. Having your own rights taken away is an issue in some other places. However, there are many laws to keep these evil practices out of these homes and the rates of retirement homes that do this are declining. Nursing homes can also be extremely depressing places emotionally and it’s no wonder young people don’t want to visit their parents. There is a harsh truth to face when we get older. What’s worse than dying is everyone you’ve ever known dying first. What’s worse than not getting many visits from your children, is not remembering them when they do visit. If we ignore it as young people, this might come as more of a shock when we all reach that age. Perhaps we’ll even turn grumpy ourselves because of this. But we don’t have to worry about what’s 50 or 60 years in the future, right? We’re not close to death, so why ponder it?

Now, what’s important to understand is not all retirement communities are the same. I do work mostly with the residents who live in Independent Living housing, so many still retain their physical and mental health. Many can still drive and cook and take care of themselves. The Assisted Living apartments are right upstairs and they receive help from nurses, but still have some of their independence. And the nursing home is right down the hall where there is always a nurse on duty. But I work with all of these residents some days and there is always that one person who never fails to put a smile on my face. I personally believe positive emotions are stronger than negative emotions every time. Many residents I work with have not lost their view of the bigger picture of life. They are happy to be alive and their love of life is truly contagious.

The important thing to remember is not to be age-discriminatory. There are grumpy people of all ages. There are also people who hide the physical and mental pain of getting older behind smiles and laughter. But we have those people in every generation. Some people just seem ill-tempered all the time because that’s the way they relate to the world now. Perhaps it has something to do with the changing times: “Ah, back in the good old days, things weren’t as bad as this.” Then again the grass is always greener on the other side and every generation has problems. Perhaps people are just having one bad day out of many good ones. These stereotypes of mean old ladies with their walkers, and grumpy old men in their wheelchairs living in an evil nursing home where no one ever visits them is not the whole truth.

What needs to change is society’s stereotypes of these retirement communities, and that starts with Hollywood most of the time. Unfortunately, I understand Hollywood is a business and will only make what will sell, and who doesn’t like seeing a grouchy old man with a shotgun limping down his steps to scare the neighbor’s kids off his lawn? Or a crabby old lady who hits people with her purse that get in her way in the grocery store? A few residents I work with try to get their friends to move in, too, and they tell me their friends scoff at it, because who needs a more expensive apartment to live in where the staff does all your shoveling for you and there are free wine-tastings every week? There are pros and cons to moving into any new place I suppose.

In America, moving into an “old person home” is very widely seen as a violation of our individual independence. I believe this is what makes people too stubborn to ask for help when they genuinely need it. This is why we see so many commercials for Life Alert: “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” To the young people of my generation, do not wait until it’s too late to ask for help. The residents I work with are down to earth, realistic, and they know their own limits. I give them all the credit in the world for realizing this, staying optimistic, and for continuing to live their wonderful lives in their well-deserved retirement.