Winter break is one of the hardest times of the year for me--and I'm sure I'm not the only one.
"Why?" you might ask. Genna, you've got four weeks with no school; you always complain about how much you hate school because it doesn't leave you time to create, about how you don't want to be a journalist, about how college life is a sensory hell for your autism, etc. And I do gripe about all that. But, I'm also pretty sure that after my three weeks of being at home, my mom is sick of listening to me.
The thing is though, "all that" gives me structure. And, as a die-hard academic kid who never learned to function without somebody else dictating my life, I need that structure to live. I need that 8 a.m. class to get out of bed in the morning when depression makes it difficult. I need to sit for an hour putting together a newsy piece for class so that my anxiety can take a backseat. I need that excuse to get away from myself, to exist in a space where all that matters is what I'm working on in that very moment--who cares if my brain wants to implode that day? When I don't want to deal with it, I just put it to work.
Winter Break--or any time off of work--is an awkward and difficult adjustment for us "tryhards." We come back to our families, only to be left with an enormous amount of time to sit and vegetate. Just as we're hitting our stride, too, school goes back in session.
What is a poor workaholic to do during break? The answer may shock you: take care of yourself.
Yes, self-care. I hate that word too. It makes me feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. Who gets anywhere in life by sitting around in the bath and watching Netflix? By (heaven forbid) taking care of herself? Screw that, I want to raise some hell, to expose the corruption of our government with my journalism degree and to write books that teach the value of self-love to an entire younger generation. I've got dreams, man! I need to hit the ground running.
But I can't chase those dreams 24/7. My own mental health, my experience as a human being on this planet, also matters. I know this sounds pretty obvious, but hear me out: your life is more than what you can produce, more than your future career, more than the impact you can have on this world. Your happiness and health is more important than any of that. You live life for you.
Below is Maslow's hierarchy of needs, an early yet notable psychological theory about why humans do the things they do. Needs towards the bottom of the pyramid take precedence over needs closer to the top (which is why when we're hungry, life seemingly collapses around us and we cry).
You may be able to satiate some of your own needs better within the structure of school. That's why I think diehard students like myself crave that structure. Throughout our whole lives, we've had our needs met by achievement within the structure of a school system. When we are left without it, we don't know how to satisfy that need to maintain a high enough self-esteem and feeling of actualization. We never have had to do it on our own and so, we are remarkably out of touch with who we are outside of it.
We finally have time to listen over break--to do some introspection, to learn about ourselves outside of our goals and aspirations. Be calm, take some time to sit and listen to your emotions. If you're looking for work, make that your job. Ask yourself, "What do I need in this moment?" Face your anxiety, depression, or whatever afflicts you head-on, and have the courage to ask yourself what causes it underneath it all. Then begin to remedy that.
You might be shocked at how much better you function within your beloved schooling system upon your return.