From the first day of high school to my current semester in college, I've heard the phrase, "She needs to learn how to respect herself first if she wants respect from anyone else" echo the the hallways, the lunchroom, the locker room and any and every form of social media.
College has only made it worse, as now we are in that awkward, in-between stage of adulthood with huge decisions to make, yet still watch cartoons before we go to bed. At this stage, everyone grows in different directions at different times with different people, yet I still hear the words "self-respect" everywhere I go. Whether it's in a pamphlet about having sex with others, muttered by someone drinking at a party, or being told it while deciding what to wear to said party.
Recently, I read an article about college and how it shouldn't be an excuse to lose your self-respect, and while that statement stands true, there are a few things that should be addressed about that statement as a whole.
Your definition of self-respect is entirely different than mine, and everyone you know.
The phrase, "They should have some self-respect" is not a get out of jail free card to sit there and then spew hateful and judgmental opinions about the girl standing at the beer pong table, especially when you know nothing about that girl. (I'm using a female in most examples because while males were mentioned a few times, the largest offenders of not having self-respect evidently tend to be female.)
That girl probably just finished a massive report that took her weeks to finish, or maybe she just put in her applications for grad school. You don't know, and you will never know if you sit on the couch with other people, drinking the same beer she's tossing ping pong balls in, and thinking you're better because you're not doing what she is. Her idea of self-respect is most likely something along the lines of "I just worked my rear off all week and this is my one night to not think about school, a job, and the important responsibilities I balance most of the day."
Our standards are different, and that's OK. What makes it wrong is that you use your standards as a reason to shame people who do things that have no effect on you or anyone else.
Someone's (most notably women's) sex life has nothing to do with how much they respect themselves.
Your internalized misogyny on what a woman is based on her sex life shines through clearly. It doesn't matter if a woman sleeps with everyone, or no one. She deserves the same respect you award every human. There is no argument to that, when you demean someone's value simply because they have had more sex is slut shaming. What does a guy call a girl who sleeps with multiple people? Her name. Ma'am, miss, anything but a derogatory name. It takes two people to sleep together, worry about both, or worry about neither. Furthermore, you make the assumption that every woman out there wants to attract "decent men." In modern times, women don't solely exist to pleasure men. Not all women like men, you forgot to include that.
And what about the boys who sleep around? What are girls supposed to call them? They don't revolve their life around hoping a "decent woman" will like them, why should I live my life hoping a "decent man" will like me? In regards to guys that like confident women, they like them because no matter what pressure is put on them, like this age old idea of self respect, they are still secure in themselves and know their worth regardless of what someone says about them.
In conclusion, stay in your lane, and instead of preaching self respect, preach respect for others. At the end of the day, people who respect themselves will do what they want and dismiss a negative opinion before they even hear it.
Also, for the record, if you see a girl face down on the couch and you're hearing people telling each other to "hit it", stop worrying about self respect and worry about her safety. This also goes for the girl who has a tongue being smashed down her throat. Have some respect for the people around you, and stop shaming them for their decisions that you have no business worrying about.