Actually, These 6 Marriage Traditions That Are Not Fundamentally Sexist

Actually, These 6 Marriage Traditions That Are Not Fundamentally Sexist

You may not care about tradition, but many women do.

I recently read an article titled 6 Marriage Traditions That Are Fundamentally Sexist and I immediately thought, “who is so feminist that they’re going to attack something as sacred as marriage?” I understand some people don’t appreciate a classic wedding, but there’s no need to go to such extremes as to write an article about how “sexist” weddings can be.

Let’s start where the original author started:

1. Asking the father for permission

I’m glad you agreed that this is a sign of respect, but I have to argue with you when you state that it’s “only” because women were historically owned by men.

Yes, it played a part that the father was the bread-winner for the family and therefore held most of the power when deciding who his daughter married, but it’s mainly a sign of respecting the father to ask instead of essentially telling him “I don’t care what you think, it’s happening.” In fact, this seemingly antiquated tradition is becoming more frequent in people who are getting married modern-day.

An article on The Washington Post stated, “Today’s modern bride and groom are more mature, and often have a greater respect for marriage being the merging of two families, and therefore feel it’s appropriate, and a polite gesture, to get the green light from those closest to the bride before he pops the question”

I find this to be a much more positive way of looking at asking the father of the bride than simply “women are owned by men”. It’s just respectful. The merging of two families is important, and I believe the man should ask the parents before he proposes to show respect for them and their daughter. I would want my future husband to ask my father. I do believe, however, that they should ask both the mother and the father. That’s just my opinion, though!

I also want to point out that the bride doesn’t ask the groom’s family because… duh… he’s the one asking for her hand in marriage. Not the other way around.

2. The father “giving away” his daughter.

I’d like to say that I find it heartless you state this “represents little to nothing in modern-day culture.” This is one of the most heart-wrenching, beautiful traditions and you basically sh*t all over it. You also tie in abuse somehow which has nothing to do with marriage and I’m pretty confused about the whole thing but whatever. In any case, how dare you suggest that the father “giving away” the bride is a sexist and horrible tradition? I’m sorry about your daddy issues but I can’t wait for my father to give me away at my wedding.

Shame on you for disrespecting that.

3. The bride walking down the aisle.

What even is your argument against this one? You don’t like the way the groom cries in happiness as his bride walks down the aisle to him? Or… what, you don’t like the idea that everyone looks at the bride in happiness as she approaches the man she loves?

You’re finding things to hate for no reason.

4. White dress.

I agree that in the past the white dress symbolized a woman’s purity. Sure, it’s a little sexist because of the belief that a woman should be pure but it doesn’t matter for a man. I do want to say, however, that no one really thinks like that anymore and saying “I won’t wear a white dress because I’m a feminist” is a little sad, and no one really cares. If you don’t want to wear white, that’s all fine and dandy, but you’re just being obnoxious for no reason.

5. Taking the man's last name.

If you don’t want to take your husband’s last name, that’s fine. More and more people are doing it in the modern-day or doing things like hyphenating their names. That’s fine for some people, but for other traditional girls, we can’t wait to take the name of our husband. It’s so exciting for some of us, and I’m sorry you don’t feel the same way.

6. “You may now kiss the bride.”

Yes, I suppose this can be seen as sexist or whatever people find to complain about. It’s also one of the most sacred points of a marriage ceremony. I don’t see it as an act of “dominance” or “ownership,” I see it as more of a “You are lucky enough to kiss your bride and seal this sacred bond between two people.” Maybe I’m just conservative in my views on marriage, but I find this act so beautiful and I don’t find it sexist or horrible like you do.

I’m sorry that you can look at something as beautiful as marriage and see something so ugly. I can only imagine how hard it is to go around seeing things in a negative light instead of a positive one. I encourage you to live the life you please but recommend you don’t smash the traditions so many of us still cherish and love.

Cover Image Credit: The Daily Signal

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What I Learned From Writing On Odyssey

There was a lot to learn!

Before writing on Odyssey, I have only read a few articles on their website. They would show up on my Facebook feed every now and again, and every so often, I would click on them. I never really gave much thought to who wrote the articles or why they wrote them.

During my junior year of college, I made a decision to write on Odyssey.

I knew a few people who wrote on Odyssey and asked them if they recommended it. Most of their responses were overwhelming yes. I decided I was willing to try it out for myself and I applied to be a weekly contributor.

As a Writing Arts major, I knew just how important it was to put my writing and myself out there. The only writing I have done before that point was for class. This included writing for blogs and creative writing. Even though I enjoyed writing enough for me to choose it as my major, I always felt that I did not do enough of it.

I did not have a lot of experience with writing for something weekly and writing for something that would potentially be read by a large audience. I did have a few classes that required me to create a website and run it like a blog, but I did not have any experience with me trying to run my own blog.

Something that I learned from writing on Odyssey is the best way to improve your writing skills is to write frequently.

Writing on Odyssey has pushed me outside of my comfort zone and forced me to put out new content every week.

Even though it can be difficult sometimes judging, writing on Odyssey, and all of my other obligations, I have come to thoroughly enjoy my experiences with writing for the website.

I have learned a lot of about what it means to be a content creator as well as how to publish and market your content online.

I also really enjoy how the contents of my articles are not constrained by any single type of genre. I get to write about things that are interesting to me at the time. It really gives me an opportunity to get my work out there.

I have also learned a lot about writing from reading other content creators on Odyssey. I have learned a lot about what kinds of content is interesting to different audiences.

It has also forced me to be more creative on a weekly scale. One of the biggest problems I had with writing was that I constantly waited for the "right" moment to get started when, realistically, there was no right moment.

Overall, I do recommend writing on Odyssey on your campus!

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To The Anxious, Excited Incoming Freshmen, From A Tired, Nostalgic Second-Semester Senior

Make the most of it.

I remember the days when I was just moving into my freshman dorm three years ago. I met my roommate via Facebook, I read all the Odyssey articles about the first semester of freshman year and was the spokeswoman for Bed, Bath & Beyond.

I was ready.

Or so I thought.

Reading all of those articles and being so excited, I never stopped and thought about what I actually was going through. I can safely say I wasn't 100% prepared and honestly — who actually is? I'm about to graduate in May and I can also safely say I'm not 100% prepared for "the real world."

I wish someone would write an article or tell me what I need for this next chapter in my life, but it really doesn't work that way. As you grow older, there's not going to be someone holding your hand or directing you in the way they want you to go. You forge your own path.

However, as a second-semester senior, I can honestly tell this class of 2022 how they can prepare their young minds for college.

Research clubs and organizations you want to join.

This is a biggie. Coming into college, I was just nervous about making friends. But if you get on your university's website and browse their organizations, it's going to make a HUGE difference. Your university will most likely have a student organization fair. Virginia Tech has over 700 organizations/clubs on campus and they have a huge fair at the beginning of the year. Research ahead of time so you know what you want to join. This is also extremely important if you want to get ahead in your major. Joining a pre-professional organization like PRSSA, FBLA, or an honor society looks great on a resume as a freshman. Take it from me.

Know the dimensions of your room and what to bring to school.

Do bring those extra clothes hangers. Do not bring your third pillow from home. Trust me, there are some things that are necessary and some things that you will not touch three days in. When you're packing, just ask yourself, "have I used this in the past month?" And if you haven't, you won't use it in college. And this also applies to clothes — seasonal, too.

In August, you're probably going to need shorts until mid-September to the end of September depending on where you live. You also need to coordinate with your roommate (you'll know ahead of time) about room dimensions. How are you going to set up the beds? Bunk beds? Loft beds? Beds across from each other? My dorm room had built in closets so we had to work around that. Make sure you both agree on the room layout.

Make friends in the Class of 2022 page, or not.

Honestly, getting "acquainted" on those Facebook pages can be beneficial but sometimes it's not that important. I remember people talking in the Facebook comments on my class page and then I never saw them again. Unless you're sitting next to each other in the same class, chances are you won't recognize them by their profile picture. It's always best to get to know the people you'll be going to school with for the next four years and also seeing who's in your major... but also if you don't really use Facebook, it's fine too if you don't wanna.

On that first day of move-in when your parents leave, just make sure you're social and leave the door open! Don't feel awkward about it—it's a great way to make new friends.

Don't be closed off.

Chances are you're coming to college with either very few people from your high school or none at all. If you go to an in-state school there is a bigger chance a big group of people is coming from your high school, but either way, open yourself up to making new friends. College is about making NEW memories and you can't make new memories with the same friends.

I'm not saying ditch your BFF who you came to college with, but at least talk to your hallmates, classmates, and people around you. If you seem closed off, not talking to anyone because too shy, or always leaving the door shut, people won't come and talk to you.

Call your parents, because they love you.

Hey, you're not the only one who's making a huge life transition. Your parents will miss you a lot. You're their world and it's hard letting you go off into the real world for them. Do them a favor and call them. And not just parents. Call your grandparents. They don't have a lot of time left and would love to hear your voice and hear all the "young" memories you make at college.

Don't be afraid to say "yes."

Just like not being closed off, don't be afraid to make memories. Live it up. Go out if you want to. Say "yes" to going out. Say "no" to going out. Join that club that seems weird. You might meet your squad. If you want to run for student body president, DO IT. Don't be afraid to! Go Greek. You'll make tons of memories. I came to college three years ago scared and timid. Three and a half years later, I'm still that scared and timid girl, but with a brand new personality that is stronger and "wiser" because I said yes to rush. And now I'm in an amazing sorority with great friends. Even though it might get a tad annoying, I still don't regret my rush experience.

Make mistakes.

You will inevitably make mistakes in college. You're 18 years old! Even at 21 years old, I make mistakes. Do I regret them? Of course. I am human. I have anxiety about them. It sometimes keeps me up at night. I'm not going to say try to move past them, but instead, I will say just drive right over those little (or big) speed bumps. Those mistakes will be your drive, passion, and motivation to be a much stronger and more capable human being.

Make the most of these four years.

I went out. I experienced things. I met my best friends. I got into fights with my best friends. I studied all-night for that exam. I failed that exam. I made Dean's List. I got an internship. Or two. I worked. I was broke. Whatever you do, looking back on the three and a half years I had, I can safely say that I made the most of my college years. Yes, I do have regrets that I didn't go hiking as much or I didn't participate in that event. Do those things you thought you never could do.

* * *

So, if you're still nervous about going to college, in a pile of sweat still by the end of this article, or just rocking back and forth in the corner of your bedroom scared til' no end, then remember that you can do this.

Cover Image Credit: Jonathan Daniels, Unsplash

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