I recently read an article titled 6 Marriage Traditions That Are Fundamentally Sexist and I immediately thought, “who is so feminist that they’re going to attack something as sacred as marriage?” I understand some people don’t appreciate a classic wedding, but there’s no need to go to such extremes as to write an article about how “sexist” weddings can be.
Let’s start where the original author started:
1. Asking the father for permission
I’m glad you agreed that this is a sign of respect, but I have to argue with you when you state that it’s “only” because women were historically owned by men.
Yes, it played a part that the father was the bread-winner for the family and therefore held most of the power when deciding who his daughter married, but it’s mainly a sign of respecting the father to ask instead of essentially telling him “I don’t care what you think, it’s happening.” In fact, this seemingly antiquated tradition is becoming more frequent in people who are getting married modern-day.
An article on The Washington Post stated, “Today’s modern bride and groom are more mature, and often have a greater respect for marriage being the merging of two families, and therefore feel it’s appropriate, and a polite gesture, to get the green light from those closest to the bride before he pops the question”
I find this to be a much more positive way of looking at asking the father of the bride than simply “women are owned by men”. It’s just respectful. The merging of two families is important, and I believe the man should ask the parents before he proposes to show respect for them and their daughter. I would want my future husband to ask my father. I do believe, however, that they should ask both the mother and the father. That’s just my opinion, though!
I also want to point out that the bride doesn’t ask the groom’s family because… duh… he’s the one asking for her hand in marriage. Not the other way around.
2. The father “giving away” his daughter.
I’d like to say that I find it heartless you state this “represents little to nothing in modern-day culture.” This is one of the most heart-wrenching, beautiful traditions and you basically sh*t all over it. You also tie in abuse somehow which has nothing to do with marriage and I’m pretty confused about the whole thing but whatever. In any case, how dare you suggest that the father “giving away” the bride is a sexist and horrible tradition? I’m sorry about your daddy issues but I can’t wait for my father to give me away at my wedding.
Shame on you for disrespecting that.
3. The bride walking down the aisle.
What even is your argument against this one? You don’t like the way the groom cries in happiness as his bride walks down the aisle to him? Or… what, you don’t like the idea that everyone looks at the bride in happiness as she approaches the man she loves?
You’re finding things to hate for no reason.
4. White dress.
I agree that in the past the white dress symbolized a woman’s purity. Sure, it’s a little sexist because of the belief that a woman should be pure but it doesn’t matter for a man. I do want to say, however, that no one really thinks like that anymore and saying “I won’t wear a white dress because I’m a feminist” is a little sad, and no one really cares. If you don’t want to wear white, that’s all fine and dandy, but you’re just being obnoxious for no reason.
5. Taking the man's last name.
If you don’t want to take your husband’s last name, that’s fine. More and more people are doing it in the modern-day or doing things like hyphenating their names. That’s fine for some people, but for other traditional girls, we can’t wait to take the name of our husband. It’s so exciting for some of us, and I’m sorry you don’t feel the same way.
6. “You may now kiss the bride.”
Yes, I suppose this can be seen as sexist or whatever people find to complain about. It’s also one of the most sacred points of a marriage ceremony. I don’t see it as an act of “dominance” or “ownership,” I see it as more of a “You are lucky enough to kiss your bride and seal this sacred bond between two people.” Maybe I’m just conservative in my views on marriage, but I find this act so beautiful and I don’t find it sexist or horrible like you do.
I’m sorry that you can look at something as beautiful as marriage and see something so ugly. I can only imagine how hard it is to go around seeing things in a negative light instead of a positive one. I encourage you to live the life you please but recommend you don’t smash the traditions so many of us still cherish and love.