Dear Past Me,
There are many things I have learned this past year. Lessons of life have come at me at full-force now, and now I am on the verge of a meltdown due to the bits and pieces of crap that have been pummeled at me. With the laughs of this year, there have been an equal amount of aches. Despite all of the early mornings I have risen to begin my day, there have been just as many late nights.
In this year, I faced my greatest heartache. I met the man of my dreams. I fell so quickly and without warning. He was my person and my other half. Then, suddenly, his lies and betrayal became too much and he disappeared as quickly as he appeared. My heart cracked a little at the seams, and I continued throughout the year wondering how I was ever going to trust another person with my heart. Moreover, despite his deception, I still was unable to get away from his charm, leading me to still answering his calls and blushing with his compliments. I beg of this year that I find a way to leave my feelings from before behind. I pray I find ways to trust where my heart leads me.
This past year, I lost my grandfather. I lost my best friend to the promise of death. I lost his words of wisdom, his hearty laugh, and his warmest hug. When my grandfather left this world, he left his memory in his wake. A constant empty spot at the dinner table and a single left Diet Dr. Pepper in the cooler stand as our reminder of his passing. It's been hard and at times, unbearable. His departure sometime leads me to barely being able to get out of bed in the morning. I pray this next year brings me the strength to make it again. I hope this year brings me comfort in knowing his okay in his heaven. This year,
I worked my tail off this year. I studied daily, not really making time for much of a social. However, I worked hard and managed to jump my GPA up my 10% which was something I never thought I could achieve. I made study partners and friends through the stressful classes and late nights in the library. I became a better student, and I hope that in this next year, I do nothing but continue with that journey.
I became an adult in this year. I began paying my own bills, and I began depending on myself for survival. I went through months of living day-to-day. I went through earning $50 only having to turn around and spend it on another bill. I went through a Christmas where I barely made enough to pay for groceries and presents. Times were hard this year, and I realized being an adult is not all that it's cracked up to be.
I want this year to be emptied of my doubt and worry. I want to walk into 2018 with nothing but confidence and gratitude for the things I have. I pray for blessings, I hope for strength as this new year comes rolling in. I pray I learn from all of my mistakes from this year.
Sincerely,
The Me Going Into 2018