I walk a lonely road.

I didn't choose to walk this road, but I guess I am partly to blame. But is it really something to blame? We are born alone, we will die alone.

We are told we must learn to love ourselves first before anyone else. We must be comfortable in our own skin, we must live our lives before sharing it with anyone else.

I walk a lonely road, but everyone does too. And I believe we forget that sometimes.

The moments shared with others should be valued the same as those moments spent alone.

Throughout the past eighteen years of my life, it seems as though I have been running away from something, trying to spend as much time as I could with others, always trying to talk to someone at all times, always keeping my mind occupied (if not with people then with music).

Throughout the past eighteen years of my life, it seems as though I have been running away from myself.

You don't run away from something or someone just because. There is a fear that lingers with it, or an annoyance, or something that gives you the purpose to make you run away from that particular object or being.

Mine was the fear within a mystery.

I figured, if I were to always keep trying to live my life for others, avoiding every moment spent alone, I would be satisfied.

But what is a satisfied flower that cannot learn to stand in its own light?

I feared that if I let my thoughts wander, if I stayed locked in a room with nobody but my own shadow, I would be forced to discover and face the parts of me I did not want to. My doubts, regrets, insecurities, everything.

But no matter how hard I tried, no matter how hard you try yourself, you are eventually brought back to that lonely road.

And that lonely road is not as bad as you think.

I remember months ago, I reached a point where I was drowning in the sounds of every outside voice. Every person I interacted with felt like I was simply holding up a mirror, a reflection of what everyone wanted to see. I did not know who I was.

And as I sat there behind the four empty walls of my dark room, an hour past midnight, those uninvited thoughts and feelings came rushing in. I truly felt alone, lost, and scared. I did not know what I did to deserve to feel this way. Even when I have everything, why do I feel like I am missing something?

Why do I find myself to be alone when I need someone the most . . . I blame none other than myself for ending up like this.

I blame myself not for pushing everyone away from me, but for distancing my own self to the point where I am forced to push away. I say things I don't mean, confusing others, but I don't mean to intentionally. It's only because I don't understand myself either.

But that night, I let the thoughts pass. I finally accepted that road and walked it.

Literally. I put on my shoes, and I went for a walk.

And I found ease. I found peace. I found peace in taking walks alone, at night. I have learned to appreciate the moments spent alone. I learned to be comfortable in the way I walk, I found my peace of mind, and I gained a better understanding of who I am by simply hearing myself out and spending that necessary time alone.

Those four walls, all those outside voices, it can be a bit too much sometimes, especially when you feel lost.

What I am trying to say is, don't be afraid to walk alone sometimes (and I mean this metaphorically don't actually walk alone especially at night I shouldn't either lol).

So this is a reminder from the person who walks alone:

Keep walking. The lonely road only leads to self-love, and that is the most important thing you can ever have.