They say that dogs are only a part of our lives for a short time because they already know how to love by nature. Dogs are very loyal to their companions, which is why they're often referred to as "man's best friend." This has been so evident in my life.

On Thursday, August 29, 2019, I received some of the worst news anyone could ever receive about their loving companion while away from home. My sweet, stubborn, and sometimes really ornery chihuahua, FeeFee, had crossed the Rainbow Bridge, as they call it. She was just days away from celebrating her sixteenth birthday.

FeeFee is the second of two dogs that have actually been fully mine to pass away. The first one, Tippy, passed away when I was in sixth grade from injuries sustained two years prior when she was attached. Tippy had been my best friend from the day she came to us as a stray abandoned at the end of our road. She ran right up to me with her tail wagging very excitedly when I got off the bus that afternoon.

FeeFee was different. We had gotten her a year or so prior to Tippy, in November 2003. This was right after we had learned I had asthma. My grandmother had said her mother had a chihuahua at one point, and it helped with her asthma. While I'm pretty sure that's just an old wives' tale, I must say that today, sixteen years since I first found out I had asthma, although it is not gone (I still struggle with it at times), it is very much better controlled than it was then.

Back to FeeFee. My grandmother had begun a search for a chihuahua for me. She found one in Springville, and when she told the lady what the situation was, the lady gave us FeeFee for $150 (she had been selling them for $450). So in November 2003, I had a new puppy. She was so small, literally fitting in my hand. It was love at first lick.

FeeFee literally grew up with me. She was the only dog to have made it through elementary, middle, and high school, along with community college and my first two years at JSU, with me. She was there for me in the high moments and the low moments. There were many days when my mom would take her with us to football practice, and she always enjoyed watching me play a sport I loved and interacting with people.

In the fall of 2015, FeeFee got down really bad. We thought we were going to lose her then. When she was taken to the vet, she was found to have heart failure. Dr. Edwards at the Animal Hospital in Oneonta, who we have worked with for many years, had placed her on heart medicine. After that, she still got around and played and was just about as healthy as could be.

One of my absolute favorite stories of FeeFee came during the summer. Before I tell this story, it should be important to note that although FeeFee enjoyed interacting with other people away from home, when she was at home, she was in her palace. That was her turf. She would grumble at just about anybody who stepped in the house.

During the summer, my girlfriend Catherine had come down for the weekend to celebrate my birthday. FeeFee did something I had never seen before. She loved Catherine at first sight. She would walk up to her and love and want petting from Catherine. It was almost as if she were telling Catherine, "Take care of Stephen when I cross the Rainbow Bridge." That moment and the bond formed during that weekend between FeeFee and Catherine was truly heartwarming to see.

Another one of my favorite memories of FeeFee came not too long after we got her. My uncle Hoyt had come to visit us with his family. We had just gotten FeeFee, and of course, he wanted to meet her. She barked and growled the whole time. She was guarding her turf, she thought. Well, Uncle Hoyt wanted to pet her, and she wouldn't let him. He picked her up and said, "You're going to let me pet you!" She absolutely did not like being picked up, and snarled at him. It was quite a funny moment.

Right before I left to come back to JSU, FeeFee started getting in really rough shape. She was running into stuff. She wander, almost as if she were trying to find a spot away from us so we didn't have to see her take her last breath. It was so heartbreaking to see my best friend in such terrible shape.

After I came back to JSU, my family said she deteriorated rapidly. She lost control of her bowels, and would constantly poop on herself, soiling her clothes. Fun fact about FeeFee, she could not go without wearing clothes. My grandmother would get the preemie onesies you find at Walmart, cut the feet out of them, and fix them up for FeeFee to wear. Anyway, FeeFee began putting blood through her.

When they took her to the vet, Dr. Edwards told my mom and grandmother some very grave news. Fluid was building up around her vital organs, and it wouldn't be long. It wasn't long. On August 29, 2019, in the Animal Hospital in Oneonta, FeeFee took her last breath in my mom's arms.

Although I am away from home at JSU, it still affects me more than I thought it would. She was my best friend. We grew up together. We did life together. It's been such a struggle for me to come to terms with the fact that when I go home for Thanksgiving, it won't be the same. Sure, Dixie, Roxie, and Goldie will still be there, but it won't be the same not hearing FeeFee's little feet pattering on the floor to come see me when I return. I won't see her stick her tongue out (a sign of happiness to her) when I'm petting her and loving her. I won't hear her bark anymore when someone comes in the door.

It's such a struggle losing a beloved pet. We build such a strong bond with them that when they are hurting or get down to the point where death is imminent, it absolutely breaks our hearts. It crushes us in a way that's so hard to describe. While I continue to process losing FeeFee, be in prayer for me, for peace and comfort in this time. Though FeeFee is gone, the memories made with her in her short time on earth will last a lifetime.

I leave you with a picture that I used as the cover for this article. The photo on the left is one I took on FaceTime the Monday before she passed. She wasn't feeling good, but when she hard my voice on video, she became very happy. The other photo is from last Christmas, while she was laying in her bed beside my grandmother's bed and wearing her favorite outfit, which says "Tiny but Mighty." She liked to think she was exactly that!

Personal Photo

Run free and play endlessly with Tippy, FeeFee. You had a great life from September 2003 to August 29, 2019. You were the best friend a boy could ask for.