Everyone handles breakups differently. Some people stay in bed for days. Others might take it to social media. A lot of times, the reaction a person has, has to do with the quality and/or quantity of the relationship. The last time I really liked a guy and stopped talking to him, I used to just wonder "Why?" Why did our relationship fail? Why did love fail? Why did it hurt, even though I was the one to call it quits. I eventually started to wonder, "Does love really ever conquer all?" Needless to say, once I hit this point, I completely cut myself off from love, so to speak. I denied the existence of love completely. Looking back on it I realize I was right. Love doesn't truly exist. At all.

At least not in the sense that we're used to.

Love is a word we overuse as a justification. We tell ourselves that love wasn't enough to keep someone from leaving. Love wasn't enough to keep ourselves from leaving. We say, "I love you, but..."

But nothing.

A relationship does not depend on "love." A relationship depends on people. We are the ones who have to bring ourselves to the party. Love isn't just going to show up without an invitation, knock on your door and say, "I'm here." Love isn't just going to show up unannounced and somehow save your relationship from it's dreaded doomsday. You have to make that choice.

So what if love has nothing to do with any of this? If we can't blame love, what are we supposed to do?

We have to blame ourselves. It's hard, right? It's hard to accept that we or someone else didn't fight hard enough. It's hard to admit that we gave up and accepted defeat. It's hard to admit that we aren't ready or that someone doesn't fit with us no matter how bad we want them to. Our fault as humans is that we're cowards. We cannot admit to our own faults. Breakups aren't about bad timing, location, etc. It's about us. It's about our lack of fight against bad timing, long distance, and other factors. It's about our habit to fight the other person instead. We have to blame ourselves. We have to blame our inability to step up for another person and make it work. We have to blame our unwillingness to make the effort. We push people away. We let people down. We are not brave enough to dive right in. We just don't care enough. Here we are, begging for love to come save us, yet we refuse to send out for it. We expect it to just show up. Love comes from within us, not from obligation or outside factors.

When you claim you "can't find love," it's because you're looking for it wherever you lost it. I've learned this first hand. When you find "the one" you're looking for, you just know it. Sure, you think they drive too fast, they get on your nerves sometimes. You get into arguments and you hate when they refuse to be wrong (But get real, you're the same way). You hate when they try to walk away or leave because you're afraid you'll have to swallow your pride and say, "Please stay." When you find someone you've been looking for, your life wouldn't make sense without them. It's not because you've finally found "the one," it's because you've finally stopped pushing away or giving up. You've learned that some people truly cannot be replaced.

I'm not here to tell you to go search for "the one" because it doesn't happen like that. There's no right time, right person, or right place to look for love. You're not going to always meet them on the day you look 100%. Maybe you'll be sick or just getting off a twelve-hour shift. Trust me when I tell you this: When you find someone who makes you want to try, someone who wants you to put in the effort, that's love's invitation to come along. When you find someone like this, you need to promise yourself you won't give up on this person. Expect things to work out because you know you're going to put in the extra effort, even on days they're struggling to give it their all because that's when your relationship needs that extra push. Promise yourself that you will do whatever it takes to make it work, and I promise you it will.