Why #RelationshipGoals Aren't Goals At All

Why #RelationshipGoals Aren't Goals At All

Our "goal" for relationships shouldn't be based in something just as flawed as we are.
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The idea of relationship goals is that there’s some ideal, some picture of what you want in your own relationship that is exhibited by a different couple. They might be people you know, celebrities or fictional characters, but the idea is that they have something you want. Their relationship is your goal.

That’s not healthy. Don’t do it. It’s not bad to see aspects of other couples’ relationships that you want for yourself. It’s actually a good thing to look at another healthy relationship and say “What are they doing right and how can I do that too?” But it becomes dangerous when you expect your relationship to look exactly like someone else’s. Have standards, have expectations (for yourself, as well as your significant other), but don’t base those things solely off other people. Base those off something better, something stronger, something that’s not flawed. Base those things off God.

A dependence on God and God alone is true #RelationshipGoals.

Don’t look to your significant other for fulfillment. Whether you’re dating or engaged or married, they will never be able to fulfill you. Never. For some romantics, that might be hard to swallow. But being in a true relationship with someone means knowing all of their flaws and loving them through them. It means sacrifice and commitment. Love is a choice, an action. It’s not an emotion, but a daily decision. Some days, that decision is the easiest decision you can make. Others, it will be harder. But no matter how much you love someone, you will never find fulfillment in that relationship. Humans, everyone single one of us (yes, you too), are broken creatures. We will fail over and over and over again. No matter how wonderful your boyfriend or girlfriend is, they will fail you. They’re going to mess up. You’re going to mess up. It’s going to be messy all around. The truth is, putting your ultimate hope and fulfillment in someone just as broken as yourself will only lead to disappointment and heartache. Instead, put your hope in the one who created not just you and the one you love, but also the world and universe in which you live. He will never fail you.

Don’t look to someone else’s relationship for fulfillment, either. Comparing your relationship (whether it’s one you’re currently in or hope to one day be in) is incredibly dangerous. It creates false expectations and standards. Every relationship is unique, just like every person. And every relationship has its own flaws which most of the world won’t see. Our society is incredibly good at deception, at making something ugly look desirable. We don’t want anyone to see the hurt, the pain, the brokenness inside. And relationships are no exception. A thousand cute, romantic pictures on Instagram does not mean that everything is sunshine and rainbows and unicorns. It just means someone is really good at making it look that way. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. Either way, appearances are deceiving, and we need to be careful not to compare what we have with what we think we want. Often times, what we think we want is not as good as it seems.

It’s wise to talk to strong couples (especially older, married ones—you know, the ones with lots of experience at this) about how they make things work. It’s wise to seek advice. It’s wise to have standards. However, it’s also necessary to understand that fulfillment can never come from someone else besides your Creator, a God who loves and cherishes and understands you more than any human ever could. Being in love with him first is my #RelationshipGoal.

Cover Image Credit: Blaber

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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How To Trust When You Feel Reluctant

How my sweet niece taught me the ropes of trust.

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What does it exactly mean to "trust"? I'm not too sure. I think that trust has so many different levels, and manifests differently given the scenario. The general definition is something like this.

The firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength in something or someone.

Which makes sense, but how trust materializes can be a really interesting, malleable thing. Yesterday, I was sitting on my couch staring out the window, all curled up in a blanket. I heard a little knock at the door, my niece and her Mimi poked their heads in. Little girl had just woken up from her nap, and Mimi was seeing if I might want to get some snuggles.

Oh, I just couldn't help but love her even more with those sleepy, little, quiet eyes and slow movements. Mimi placed her in my arms, but when she did, I could see some tension move into that little one's shoulders. She was a little more rigid. Still sitting with me, but stiff, not quite sure if I was safe. Then, she looked up at me and studied my face for a few small moments. She gave me her sweet smile and then she snuggled her shoulders and leaned in. There it was, trust in the sweetest of ways.

We were both just tucked in for 10 minutes or so, exchanging peeking smiles, and looking at each other's hands and fingers. All the while, my little niece was reminding me of myself.

Just 15 minutes before she came in, I was feeling that same stiffness in my shoulders, the tension of the day and my agenda. A rigid discomfort, and unsureness of where I was. I felt questions rising up in me. I was sitting in what I knew was right at the moment, but stiffly. Just like my little niece, still sitting and accepting the situation, but not eagerly.

It's a bummer, but I think I actually do this pretty often. I will accept the current that I'm swimming in and agree, yes, I'm in the right lane, but I'm not exactly embracing it. In this world, flavors change and we are called to adapt. That adaptation doesn't always come within a flicker or a blink. We might do so a little reluctantly, hesitantly, and cautiously. My niece taught me something so dear and so beloved yesterday. She taught me the exact answer of what to do when that stiffness starts to crumble your trust.

She reminded herself who was holding her. She studied my face and recalled where she had seen it before. And then she determined me safe.

Bring on the snuggles.

I found myself taking my nieces advice, and practicing this same remembrance. I needed to behold the face of my Father and study it, seek it. I had to remind myself of whose I am and where I am, how carefully I am held, how beloved I am, and how His Truth is the only certainty that I need.

"You have said, 'Seek My face.' My heart says to you, 'Your face, Lord, do I seek.'" (Psalm 27:8)

We must remind ourselves of those moments we came to know Him better, a wrinkle of His face, or a tender commonality that we've seen in His kindness. Take note of each encounter, and hold the things you learn as treasure with full trust and assurance. Allow yourself to really weigh into Him. Give every piece of yourself, because in His truth are the delights of trust, of reassurance, of quietness, and peace.

My little niece reminded me that far greater than anything can we behold on earth, is beholding Jesus' face.

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