Everyone has that one friend that seems to be anti-relationships. This person does not take anyone serious in regards to romance and even if someone sparks their interest that is always only short-lived. This friend does not hate people but can’t/won’t commit to anyone else. This person might have a history of heartbreak under their belt that is used as a defense mechanism and also serves as a warning to stay clear from all relationships. This friend cheers you on constantly through all your romantic endeavors and rides your relationships all the way through with you as your cheerleader but you never get the chance to do the same for them because they’re never in a relationship!! This friend is me!

I am the no relationship friend! This title comes with some unexpected benefits. For one, it has offered me tons of perspective in regards to romance and how to go about relationships. When you are on the outside looking in, often times you can assess things from a non-bias vantage point that can be extremely crucial in alleviating any drama that might be going on. Nonetheless, I have not been single all my life. My past relationships have provided me with enough knowledge to make these non-bias suggestions in a useful way because I have honestly been there.

I am the single friend that is always offering relationship advice. My single life has not made me bitter and I think folks around me appreciate that when they seek insight and I tell them real shit from the heart! I’ve learned a lot over the years and here are my suggestions on relationships!

Love sometimes isn’t enough. We all know couples who’s love for one another is absolutely undeniable. And then they break up. Love is magical and transcendent but that doesn’t mean it’s enough to sustain a relationship. What is love without understanding, compassion, fun, passion, struggle, growth, and enlightenment? We all are capable of love and we all love people – that does not mean every single person you love qualifies as your life partner. All the other aspects are important as well to making sure your relationship is holistically satisfying. If you find yourself in a place where the love is there but nothing else is – try fixing it first, and move on if it cannot be rectified. This doesn’t mean you failed – remember that!

Not all relationships are meant to end in marriage. First, let me start by saying – if you are a member of a religion and culture that denounces casual dating, then this bullet might not be for you. But for everyone else, I’m not sure why we put so much pressure on ourselves to find life partners in everyone we date. Hello, the dude your making out with in 10^th grade is most likely not going to be your husband and that’s ok. Yes, it is human habit to want to eternalize our happiness and if at that given moment your happiness comes from your partner you are going to want to elongate that feeling for as long as you can. However, it just might not last as long as you want. That does not mean you failed. Every relationship should leave you with insight on how to make the next relationship better. Every relationship is a learning experience, not just a prologue for marriage.

Dating someone else won’t make you get over your ex. I repeat, DATING SOMEONE ELSE WILL NOT MAKE YOU GET OVER YOUR EX! Your heartbroken – we get it. You want to be happy again and you want to get over the hurt someone else has caused you. Sweetheart, you can’t use someone else as medicine – it isn’t fair to them. Ultimately, you just set yourself and your partner up for disappointment and hurt. Your new partner will be forced to either be constantly compared to a past lover or forced to pick up the broken pieces (Views reference ) Use your time of pain to work on yourself and come out stronger and then try again! I

Look at the way your partner treats other people. When someone shows you who they are – believe them! You can learn a lot about your partner by the way they treat other people. Too often, folks find themselves in relationships with people who are assholes to the world but nice to them. I’m not referring to the misunderstood introvert who might have social anxiety and finds solace in you. I’m talking about the dude who calls women out of their name 25/8, has no problem hitting a woman just because he can, sees women as inferior but calls you his queen and wants to share his world with you. I’m talking about the woman who robs and steals with ease, the woman who lies through straight through her teeth to her friends, the woman who has no problem destroying people’s property when angry but worships you and treats you like a king. You see, your partner may treat you as lovely as they can but that is because at that point you are valuable to them. You offer them companionship, commitment, and romance and at the moment they see your worth. Make no mistake, when you make a mistake and upset them, they will treat you how they treat others because those malicious characteristics are a part of them. Don’t be surprised when after you all break up, your ex-boyfriend is spreading all your sex stories and your ex-girlfriend destroyed your artwork with no hesitation.

Your partner should not be your only source of happiness. I’ll keep this one short. If you’re absolutely miserable without your partner and you can’t find anything good outside of your relationship perhaps you’re lacking balance in your life and you should try to remedy that as soon as possible. Try to be introspective and figure out who you are and what you enjoy outside of your relationship and go from there. If your partner leaves you, you don’t want them to take your happiness with them.

If your partner cheats on you- it’s their fault! I am honestly so tired of seeing women fighting other women over men. The only person who needs to remain loyal to you in the relationship is your partner. You cannot get mad at someone who doesn’t know you and who doesn’t care about you for going after someone they want. It is your partner’s obligation to nip it in the bud and not let anyone threaten your relationship. If your partner is dissatisfied, cheating is still not acceptable and you all need to work through it or end. & SB: if you know someone is in a relationship, whether you know their partner or not, stop intentionally contributing to someone else’s pain. It’s not right and just plain tacky.

No one should dictate your relationship but the people involved. There is a thin line between advice and control. Yes, you should seek guidance from outside parties if you are faced with problems in your relationship that are too much for you. However, be careful that you are not letting others control your relationships. Parents, friends and family can all over-step their boundaries when it comes to who you share your life with. Don’t let other people decide who you share your heart with. Take their advice with a grain of salt, don’t be foolish and choose the partner that makes you happy and is good for you. Date within in YOUR COMFORT ZONE and not the parameters others have set for you. You cannot look for happiness through other people’s approval.

Lastly, every argument doesn’t mean it’s over but every argument might mean something. Being petty is only cute on social media – grow up and handle your business accordingly. Social media goals are nonsense – no one is as picture perfect as they seem. You are more than the relationships you inhabit, cultivate yourself first and everything else (everyone else) will attract to your greatness. Oh, and being single is awesome, being in a relationship is awesome, find what works for you and go for it!