My entire life I dreamed about going to college. It was never a "maybe I'll get the chance to go" type of dream, it was a "I know I can do it, just how am I going to get there" dream.
College is a privilege. I've worked my entire life to earn the right to go to college. I am the first in my family to get the chance to experience college and to improve because of it.
College is tough, but it's what I've been waiting for my entire life.
Naturally, college can be disappointing. You expect to leave high school and for everything to be different, or to be better. You'll meet cooler people, you'll do cooler things, you'll be smarter, and no one will care what you do or what you think.
But that's not what happens.
College is just like high school, in some ways, because we all haven't grown up yet. There are still the same type of people, and you may not have your parents telling you what you can or can't do, but that doesn't mean you magically start doing all the things you've never done. People are still mean, and the mean people will always find you. College is a balance between finding who you really are, and expressing that however you want.
I went to college and never went to a party with all of friends, even though I did in high school.
I went to college and stayed in the library most of the time.
I went to college and took on more responsibility than even I thought was acceptable.
I went to college and found who I really was, whoever that may be.
So after two years in college, what can i say?
My university has provided a platform for me to experiment and find out who I am. I've tried several jobs and internships, and I've met plenty of professors. I came in wanting to be the badass female CEO of a company, and right now I'm leaving wanting to be a Student Affairs Professional, which can still be badass (I think).
I came in hating who I was, and doubting everything I had to offer. I'm leaving thinking that even though I'm not where I want to be, I am happy and I am learning to love every part of myself- especially the parts I hated most.
I came in thinking I would get to start over, and change who I was into someone better, cooler. I am leaving even more the nerdy, loud, and embarrassing person I walked in as, and I love it.
College may not be what I expected, because I could never have expected this.
This academic year tried me harder than my junior year of IB, and if you've done IB you know how brutal that was. This year was tough, and really tried to mess with my mental health. But it also gave me the chance to learn how to handle my depressive episodes, and how to use the people around me to be okay- whatever okay looks like for me.