Today while I was screaming, my throat burning, my vocal chords threatening to snap and my ears ringing, I couldn’t help but think what an alien would think if he came down from outer space and saw sorority recruitment, because without a doubt recruitment is one of the strangest things I’ve ever done.

So let’s say E.T. wanted to write a blog post about the interactions of human beings on Earth, and he decided to land in Harrisonburg, Virginia, this past weekend.

For those of you that had this past weekend off, slept in every morning and didn’t do a bit of small talk, just know that if you ever experienced recruitment it too would be the most bizarre thing you would ever witness.

Let’s start with the chanting. When I was first going through recruitment, I was startled by the chanting and thought something was genuinely was wrong with the girls. But before I could call 911 and say, “There’s a hundred girls screaming at me while smiling”, I realized they were actually saying words, and they weren’t screaming out of pain. I wondered how they remembered all of the chants, and now as a seasoned senior I can’t get the chants out of my mind. As I lay in bed, the chants go round and round in my head, and yes, it’s just as terrible as it seems. If there’s a girl with a raspy/no voice in your class, chances are she’s in a sorority. For example, I lost my voice this weekend, but instead of sounding like a sexy Sophia Bush, I sound like a prepubescent boy that is starting to go through puberty. There’s nothing sexier than a voice crack, am I right fellas? To be honest, E.T. might have been scared off by the chanting,

Then it’s down to the basement, where you flirt with girls for about 15 minutes.

“Oh my god, you have to tell me where you got that nail polish!”

“You’re from Virginia? No way, I’m from Virginia!”

“You breathe air? No way, I breathe air!”

“Oh my gosh E.T., your glowing finger is so weird. Please get that thing away from my face, and why are your eyes so big?”

Think speed dating times four hundred thousand. If I ever go on a speed date I’m going to be very prepared. Lull in the conversation? Forget about it.

Then back up the stairs you go only to be verbally assaulted by cheering girls again. I’m trying to think of an accurate example so you folks at home can get the full impact. Imagine the “MINE” seagulls from "Finding Nemo" collectively chanting something about joining their sorority, and you’re Marlin sitting in that seagull’s mouth.

Ok, so not too bad, right? Now do that about 30 more times for the next six days.

By the end of it exhaustion usually takes over and one feels delirious, high and drunk all at the same time. As you talk to a girl, you’ll find yourself twitching and stuttering as you desperately try to remember what her name was and if you already asked her what her major is. You’ll also find yourself small talking to everyone you know. Last night I asked my roommate, “So, why did you pick JMU?” and came to the realization that recruitment exhaustion had followed me home.

So let’s check back in with E.T. and his developing blog post. Honestly, by the end of the first round he would have hopped on his magical bike and flew as fast as his creepy legs could pedal to his home planet. He probably would have concluded that the human race was taken over by smiling girls with crazy eyes and unnaturally bleached teeth. He also would have concluded that human interaction is limited to five questions asked over and over again. He would have phoned home and told them to stay where they were unless they wanted to be screamed at.

But all in all at the end of the day (warning basic sorority statement coming up), you’ll find some really great girls. Wait, stay with me for a little longer, I promise I’m not trying to recruit you. Through all the girl flirting, you’ll find people that will laugh at your terrible dad jokes, eat pizza daily with you, and watch all three "Lord of the Rings" movies in a row with you in one night. I could write a whole other article about "Lord of the Rings" and how those three movies are the best thing to happen to this world, but I digress.

So, aliens, if you’re out there: yes, recruitment is so strange and awful, but we’re actually a pretty great planet with pretty great people, and you should plan a visit. Also, can you use your alien laser beams to stop Donald Trump from running for President?