First of all, I am sorry to the people in my life who are reading this and to those that it may hurt. It is on my heart to share this story. It is on my heart to share the truth. Somebody needs this article. I don't know who you are. I don't know your story. In the words of Eddie Cortes, "God uses broken people like you and me, to rescue broken people like you and me." So let's put together those beautiful pieces.
1. Say that it happened
Pretty simple, right? Well, it wasn't for me. I would not admit that was what actually happened until I was in my third counseling session. When I signed up for counseling, I filled out a questionnaire. "Have you been sexually abused?" To this question, I put a question mark. When my counselor brought up the question, I brought up something that happened in high school. The first night I had ever had alcohol, my boyfriend at the time, forced himself onto me in a drunken state. I kept saying "no, not right now", and his aunt actually walked in. He was sent home, and I was thankful. After telling my counselor this story, I told her somebody saved me, but the last time, I was alone. I then immediately began weeping and saying, ''Nobody saved me this time, nobody stopped him". I told her every detail of the night, how I was sober, how he showed up to my apartment drunk. How he told me he knew I wanted it. I told her about how I tried to fight, but he was so much stronger than me. Right then, I knew I had been raped. I was brokenhearted, and had no idea what it was going to mean for me. My life felt like a Lifetime movie, and I was not happy about it.
2. KNOW IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT
This one took a while for me to accept. I kept telling myself, "I shouldn't have let him know where I lived.", "I should have told him to go home.", "If I would have said yes, it wouldn't have been rape." The last one is the most mind blowing to think about now. I naturally wanted to be in control of the situation, even if it meant taking on the blame. I wanted all the blame, because then he would have no power over me. The truth is though, I had no control and what he did with the power in that situation was wrong. What that person did is not your fault. No means no. NO MEANS NO. DO YOU HEAR ME? That person who you thought you could trust is the one in the wrong. Being an open person is not wrong.
3. Be patient with yourself.
One month after my admittance, I went on a date with a man. This man and I had sex. Part of me was so scared of that last experience being my last experience with sex ever again. I wanted to just hurry up and prove to myself that it did not actually do anything to the way I felt about sex. Oh man was I wrong about that. The man pretended to be busy, and avoided me the days following, when prior to the date he had given me a crazy amount of attention. The second day, with barely a text from him, I began to cry and lose my mind. I was in no way in love with this man, nor did I feel that we connected on anything. He told racist jokes after the act. That was my sign that I was not really interested, nonetheless, the bad thoughts came back. I felt worthless, and like a sex toy. After evaluating my actions, and realizing that sex was going to always be emotional for me. I forgave myself for sleeping with a racist, and for crying over not seeing him again.
4. Set healthy boundaries for yourself.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ANSWER TO ANYONE. If your boundaries are anything like mine, they might include no dates in private. These boundaries are not for anybody else, others may not agree with them. This is not your problem. If somebody will not agree to see you in public, it is their loss. I will not lie, having boundaries does not make dating easy. I have been single for a long time, but I also have not been pressured into doing something that made me uncomfortable for the same amount of time. Loneliness is a struggle, but having a higher set of standards is a blessing.
5. Show yourself some serious love.
If you have no idea how to show yourself some love, I suggest Pinterest, or simply doing simple things you enjoy. Hang out in your underwear, give yourself a manicure, get in touch with your spiritual side. After experiencing something traumatic, you may notice that there is only so much other people can do. This is truly a time to fall back in love with yourself: what makes you brilliant, find what makes you smile, and take care of your being. I gave my life to Christ. Honestly, Jesus is my best friend. That story is for another day though.
Remember, we are Sarah, and this is the labryinth. Some parts are scary, things can get tricky but ultimately, we can survive.
