Manipulation. Whether it be a friend or a romantic partner, almost all of us have experienced the stress of manipulation at one time or another, but sometimes this manipulation doesn’t become evident to us until after the fact.

Truth is, manipulators know what they’re doing, and they’re good at what they do, because they’ve probably been in practice for a while. You can take that as you wish, but I believe sometimes you can take comfort in knowing that you probably aren’t the only person who has been taken advantage of by this particular manipulator.

Sometimes it starts in subtle ways. Maybe you begin to notice that they are constantly making negative remarks about other people that you start spending time with, or making you feel guilty for spending time with those other people.

They want you all to themselves, and will either try to put a damper on the way you see others, or simply make you feel like you are in the wrong for wanting to spend time with more than one person. This should raise a red flag.

If you begin to show signs of wanting to get out of the friendship or relationship, the manipulator may be compelled to do everything and anything they can to guilt you into staying, potentially even threatening to inflict harm upon themselves.

This is one of the most disgraceful things a person could threaten to do, and the thing is, in more cases than not, they get their way. This threat is so overwhelmingly frightening that the victim gets scared into staying in a situation where they are unhappy. If this is you, understand that the person you are dealing with is trying to gain control over your emotions and make you feel like the guilty one.

Take a step back, slow things down, and try to see it from an outside perspective. If these threats continue, make them known to someone you trust, and distance yourself from your manipulator.

Once you are at a point where your manipulator no longer has direct control over you, they may resort to trying to impact others’ opinions of you. This is interesting to consider because the entire cycle of manipulation starts, in some cases, with the manipulator trying to control your view of others, but often ends with them controlling others’ views of you.

When a manipulator can no longer control you, they will try to control the way other people see you. This is their final attempt to exhibit some sort of power over your life. They may turn to friends that the two of you shared, aiming to turn them against you. They might try to contact people you trust in hopes of getting those people to side with them over you. In the midst of any arising chaos, it is important for you to stay above it and remember that anyone who really knows you and supports you will immediately catch on to your manipulator’s tactics.

All things considered, this approach will ultimately resort in the manipulator making a fool out of himself or herself when it becomes apparent that their scheme has been revealed. Keep a clear head and power through until the clouds part.

Lastly, when things become desperate or you build up the strength to confront them, a common response is for the other person to try to flip the situation and make you feel like the crazy one. You are not the crazy one.

This is just a self-defense tactic as they release their plan is soiled and you are stronger than they expected you to be. They are trying to convince you that you have all the problems so that they themselves will not have to accept their guilt. They would rather reject the blame than accept the fact that they have made a mistake. This works against them more than they know, though, because in accepting and owning up to your mistakes, you can grow from them and become a stronger, more balanced person.

Actively and desperately pushing the blame onto another person only intensifies whatever inner turmoil they are already experiencing which started their manipulative cycle in the first place. Once again, stay above it. You are not the crazy one, no matter how many times they make you feel like you are.

In other cases, you might not even realize you have been manipulated until the bond between you and your manipulator is damaged, or completely broken. In the event that this happens, allow yourself to fully examine the situation you were in, coming to terms with any red flags and outwardly manipulative acts the other person may have exhibited.

Going forward, keep these in mind and use them to look out for yourself and, hopefully, effectively prevent history from repeating itself. Now that you know this person was manipulating you, do not, by any means, allow them to pull you back in.

They may claim that they have changed. They may tell you how sorry they are. They might say it a million times. It does not matter.

Allowing that person to suck you back into the cycle will show them that no matter how badly they hurt you and push you around, they will always get you back in the end. This only gives them more incentive to hurt you; now they see you’ll always come back regardless of how they treat you. Do not give them a second opportunity to take advantage of your kindheartedness and sympathy.

You are a good person, and you deserve to thrive alongside other good people, not people who are out to hurt you. Treat yourself right.

Manipulation can leave you feeling defeated, weak, and paranoid about everyone else you meet in the future. If these feelings hit you, remember that you are not alone. There is an astounding number of people who have dealt with the exact same sentiments, and we know what you are going through.

People that we trust, people that we love with our whole hearts, can turn out to be manipulators, and this is hard to cope with. It is hard to let go of someone who seemed to complete you when you find out they were knowingly and purposefully hurting you. Just remember how hard those months of manipulation were on you, and understand that that is not a place you need to be in again. You were happy before you had this person, and you will be happy now that they are gone.

In fact, you will be even happier.