If you saw the title of this article and thought oh wow I need some confidence in my life and this girl is going to me some for free, I’m sorry to disappoint, this isn’t a handout. What I want you to get out of this article is a change of view in the word confidence and maybe even a change of perspective about yourself.

What or who comes to mind when you hear the word confidence?

The first person I have always thought of as the poster-child for confidence is my friend Amanda. She’s that spontaneous girl who always does wacky shit to get a laugh out of everyone no matter the consequences. She knows everyone within the 50-mile radius of our home town and can literally strike up a conversation with a piece of bread if she wanted to. (The bread would most likely be honored to have a conversation with her also.) Anyone you ask about Amanda will tell you that she’s literally the best, and I would most definitely agree with that statement. From clinging to her side year after year, I have observed how she uses every ounce of her overwhelming confidence to her advantage, and I’ll admit that sometimes I’m jealous that I can’t naturally be that way too.

As I’ve gone through life, I’ve also observed a person who did a 180 and completely changed her confidence level, while still keeping her personality intact. I’ve always admired my friend Liv for doing just that. Liv and I were friends through association when we were younger and everyone would hang out in huge clusters to go to the bowling alley or something insignificant that we enjoyed together. We were always considered “friends,” but I honestly don’t ever remember having one single conversation alone with her. I really don’t think it was because she was shy or anything, I just don’t know if she really had much to say to anyone. I’d say about sophomore year of high school is when my more intimate sized friend group adopted her, and that’s when she really broke out of her shell. Liv is honestly one of my favorite people in the world, and the change that I’ve seen in her has been nothing but wonderful. She uses her bubbly personality to make you feel included in everything that’s going on and important. My favorite part about her is that if you’re good at something, she’ll straight up tell you that you have a talent and she’ll support whatever that talent is.

My friend Aleah is one of the most interesting people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. When we were younger and I wasn’t as close with her, I was actually quite intimidated by her. In elementary school, she was what people would consider “emo.” She wore band tees, skinny jeans and spiky bracelets almost every day of the week. She was probably one of the only girls in our grade that had multi colored hair that was spiked with gel. In any group picture, she would stick out immediately and obviously there was talk about her all over the 6th grade. But she didn’t care about what other people said about her, or at least she had an effective way of hiding it if she did. Now that we’re very close friends, I’ve seen a more emotional and vulnerable side of her that I never would’ve expected before. About 2 months ago, Aleah asked our other friends and me for our opinion on a risque outfit choice. I stopped what I was doing and said, “You’re Aleah. You wore blue lipstick and six-inch heels down the halls of Mt. Carmel HS on a TUESDAY. What do you think the answer is?” The answer is always a question of “why not” rather than why?

The newest, yet youngest addition to my friend group is Miranda. Miranda is one of the most down to earth people I’ve ever seen in my life. She’s your modern twist on a hippy chic wanna-be who collects cactuses and succulents, always has a damn book in her hand, and the cutest smile on her face. The self that she projects onto other people is so pure and warm that you instantly know when you’re with her, everything’s going to be alright. The knowledge that is inside of her is so abundant, that you immediately know that she is an old soul trapped in a 16-year-old body. She always knows what to say to make you feel better. Even at the times that she might be at a loss for words, you can tell that she is listening to your problems with every single ounce of her being and will do anything to make things better.

While this was a wonderful tribute to my friends, I can never actually get inside of their heads and know the amount of confidence they have in themselves. I can tell you though that in my short time being friends with them, they have taught me so much about the confidence I have in myself.

My parents always tell me that I should have more confidence because I’m strong, smart, and beautiful.

When I look in the mirror, I see scars on my skin and fat that bulges in all the wrong places, which make noticeable my physical imperfections. I break down and get anxious way too often, and I always question if I’m good and able enough to pursue the things I want to do in the future. Looking at this description of how I am, I might not fit into your criteria of confidence. But that’s okay, because I am who I am, and I’m not going to change that just to meet any other person’s definition of what being confident is. I am. I am. I am. I’m confident when I’m making people laugh so hard that they can barely breathe. I’m confident when I’m writing, singing, and performing on a stage with an audience of hundreds of people. I’m confident when I am alone and being independent so I can figure out how to be my best self. Confidence is internal, but a big part of it is what you project to other people and how you make them feel after they spend time with you. I am proud of my own unique confidence that I have to offer to this world, and you should be proud of the confidence that you can offer too.