It's no secret that most people hate going to the dentist. It's an irrational hatred, though, because like most doctors, dentists are there to keep us healthy. They clean our plaque-ridden teeth that we haven't flossed since the last time they were professionally looked at, and they fill in our cavities that we got from eating too much Halloween candy. They reverse our bad hygiene and make our teeth look sparkly clean; so, what's to hate? Is it the awkwardness of when they try to have a conversation with us while their hands are in our mouths? Is it the discomfort of being forced to open our jaw so wide that it gets locked? Despite which new flavor they offer, do we dread the inevitable, stomach churning, fluoride treatments? Or is the reason we hate going to the dentist because we are embarrassed by our less than envious oral hygiene?

For the past two years, I have successfully put off going to the dentist, but after experiencing some unusual discomfort in some of my teeth, I called my mom in a frenzy to make me an appointment. She pleaded with the practice and scored me a spot to treat my emergency. The week leading up to the appointment I was a nervous wreck. I was convinced that I needed a root canal and I couldn't think of anything besides all of the possible cavities in my mouth. My thoughts were bound to the upcoming appointment and it felt as though the cavities were taking over my life.

You'd think that my over concern was due to worrying about getting the cavities filled, but that was not the case. I was worried more about my integrity being jeopardized than I was about the actual treatment itself. “The doctor is going to be so mad at me because I don't floss," I thought. My friend confided in me that the last time she went for a checkup her doctor made her feel uncomfortable by scolding her for her cavity, thus substantiating my fear of the dentist.

For some inexplicable reason, I was so concerned with what the person cleaning my teeth thought of me. But why should I care what he thinks, or more importantly, why do I think he even cares? Do dentists really get mad at us for getting cavities? Does it really affect pediatricians if we weigh a little more than we did our last visit? Are they going to remember our disappointing health visit and carry their anger with them all the way home?

Absolutely not. My dermatologist cannot remember where I go to college, let alone have the mental capacity to be genuinely upset with me for not keeping up with my medicine. Doctors sternly remind us to keep healthy habits so that we can live as long as possible. But, if we don't listen to them, it's not on their shoulders, it's on ours.

The fear we create in our heads of letting our doctors down is really our own self disappointment that we've projected onto them. It's easier to have someone else be mad at you than to admit that you are mad at yourself, because we don't want to take the blame for being too lazy to brush our teeth before we go to sleep. I always feel interrogated and attacked by my dentist when I get asked, “do you brush your teeth every morning and every night? Do you floss? Do you use mouthwash before bed?" To make matters worse, I usually lie to look better, but within the act of lying I only dig myself further into a hole of self-disappointment and resentment.

Essentially, we hate going to the dentist because we are afraid to accept how badly we have treated our precious teeth. Fed up with being afraid of someone whose job it is to put their fingers in my mouth, I decided to test the 12-step program on my looming appointment. Instead of whimpering in my chair and creating a fantasy in which my doctor would give me ten lashings as punishment for my gingivitis, I chose to accept the cavities as nobody's fault but my own. “I haven't had a check up in two years and I'm pretty sure I have cavities sprinkled all over my teeth," I blurted out to my dentist. A wave of relief almost drowned me before a rush of adrenaline filled my body. Telling the truth and owning up to it felt incredible.

My feelings towards the dentist have forever been changed since that crucial visit. Admitting my lack of oral hygiene to my doctor ultimately helped me overcome my fear of the dentist. By accepting the blame and taking his advice seriously, instead of as an attack on my person, I was able to have a more enjoyable experience. No longer would I put off making bi-annual visits to the dentist from the fear of being “tooth shamed."

I ended up not having a single cavity, though, so maybe I won't need that floss after all.