Maybe Adele was onto something.

I used to hate when those words echoed through my mind, like that stupid song on repeat " I want nothing but the best for youuuuuuu."

I definitely did NOT want the best for you.

I wanted the absolute worst for you because as far as I was concerned, I was the best and you left me.

To be cursed with the worst, for all I cared.

I was so angry for such a long time. Angry at you, angry at myself, angry at God, angry at the world... until I learned that anger was just misdirected sadness, and I was hiding behind it to try to escape the devastation.

I realized if I ever wanted to get over this, to get over you, I had to feel all the feels.

So, I let myself go.

I went through all of your things, I went to all of our old spots, I put on your clothes and I allowed the tears to finally come. My body racked with sobs as I laid there amidst every piece of you I still held onto.

I thought of you deeply and fully and continuously until I was sure I had replayed every moment of us.

I retold our story on paper and to people and out loud to myself, alone in my car late at night.

I let it all out until there was nothing left.

And so, I let go. Of all the pent-up hurt that had left me exhausted. Of all the reasons I had to keep awake at 3 am. Of you.

It has taken me a long time to forgive you because we are incapable of forgiveness when our hearts are bound with such negativity.

Forgiveness is the final form of love and the greatest form of freedom.

Now that I'm free, I understand what Adele meant, and I really do want the best for you. I want you to be happy. I want you to find a girl who understands. who knows the difference between you being indifferent and when you need space.

A girl who can hold you in her arms and know when to comfort you with words and when all you need is her presence. A girl you don't have to worry about introducing to your mother, but more importantly, a girl you're excited to introduce to your friends. A girl who won't make you punch holes in the wall.

I hope she's everything you've ever wanted. I hope she laughs at all your jokes but also can make you laugh too. and I hope she loves your laugh. I hope she loves how excited you get about your hobbies and obsessions.

I hope she encourages you to keep doing the things you love. I hope she pushes you to be better every day. I hope she pushes you to go to law school.

I pray that she sympathizes well with your heartache and she's the perfect mix of distraction and remedy that helps you heal. I pray she loves you with all of her heart and that you love her in the same way.

I pray that she gives you a little boy one day to carry on your namesake... and (selfishly) I pray that she also gives you a little girl, who can hopefully carry on mine.

And I pray that you're living in the same freedom I am, that you've forgiven me and forgiven yourself and that you're pursuing the life I've always dreamed for you. One where you're happy. And I hope you wish the best for me too.