Relationship goals are so much more than just a cute Instagram picture. It’s not the way that he or she makes you laugh, and it’s not the adorably precious moments spent together. At least, that’s not my relationship goals.

Don’t get me wrong, like most girls, I want to be with a man who will hold me in his arms, who will tell me that he thinks I’m beautiful when I look like hell and who will laugh with me all day long. I want to be with someone who has goals and ambitions and who isn’t afraid to go after them. And I want to be with someone who cares for me like no other person. But all of these things should be so low on the totem pole of importance that I won’t even notice them at first.

You see, it is remarkably easy to see a black and white picture of two people snuggling and think, “That right there is exactly what I want.” But the truth is, that is not what we should be hoping for. The first thing I want to notice about a man, the biggest, most important “relationship goal” is the knowledge that the man who I will end up with loves Jesus far more than he could ever love me. More important than anything else, I want to be with someone who is running so hard and fast towards God that if I weren’t running in the same direction, we never would have met. On the ladder of our relationship, this is the foundation, this is what will allow the ladder to stand.

Without a shared passion for Him, how are we to make it to eternity together? Because I don’t desire “until death do us part.” My relationship goal is that after my future husband and I grow old and grey, we will go right on loving each other through the pearly gates and spend another lifetime together.

I pray that I will be with someone who wants to anchor our relationship in Christ, that we might travel towards Him together. And on our journeys to know God, I hope he holds me in his arms, that he would tell me that he thinks I’m beautiful and that we may accomplish our small goals while chasing the biggest one. Should the Lord bless me with a husband, I pray that I will be all of these things to him.

Of course I’m not crazy, and I realize that the little things that make up a person are important. Their personality is important. The way that they serve others is important. And I will love so many of those things — things like forehead kisses and flowers for no reason will always make me swoon. But the most important thing, the thing that I will love the most, is the steadfast, strong pursuit of the One True King. Together. Now that is relationship goals.