For the people we love- sometimes we'd do almost anything. Attachment tends to blur the line between unacceptable and okay behavior. Often it is hard to draw the line when the people hurting us are the same people we love so much. Growing up, we are exposed to a slew of romcoms and other romantic movies that don't always promote the most realistic outcomes. In "Sixteen Candles," Samantha, played by Molly Ringwald, ends up with her dream guy after he dumps his blacked-out girlfriend in the car with nerdy, underclassman, Ted. Not so nice, huh?
In "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days," Ben Barry is convinced he can make any girl fall in love with him in 10 days, and in "Gossip Girl," Blair and Chuck's romanticized relationship is toxic, almost anything but romantic. We've all grown up surrounded by entertainment that feeds us false portrayals of how love and relationships should be, and it's no wonder we don't know how to handle our own. It is true that being close to another person results in us in making allowances for them in ways that we don't for others. Still, by that logic, if we let things go sometimes for those we care about we deserve the same amount of respect in return. It's easy to forget this and to forget ourselves when we live life terrified to lose people.
Love and relationships aren't about giving parts of ourselves up in order to make room for someone else. They aren't about an idealized, fairytale romance, or a perfect partner. There's nothing cute about a controlling significant other, or about needing to make yourself small so that someone else can feel big. Real life is unexpected, confusing, and difficult to work out. What we deserve, however, shouldn't be hard to understand. Remembering to treat ourselves with the same love and kindness that we treat others with can be hard but it's a vital aspect to loving ourselves that we need to master before engaging in any other relationships.
If we allow others to push us around and we stay in miserable situations we are setting ourselves up for failure. Life is complicated and so are emotions, but by keeping in mind that we all deserve to be treated lovingly in a relationship that promises love, we can try our best to keep our hearts and minds safe.
The TV, movies, magazines, news channels, and stories we grew up watching and reading have shaped our perceptions on life and how it's supposed to work. Our family and friends also subscribe to this way of living and may have modeled behavior we've taken for granted as normal. But what doesn't feel right, isn't right, and what hurts us shouldn't be in our lives regardless of what we've seen others deal with. Compromise and understanding are necessary for any relationship, but at times being happy means putting yourself first, and if that means losing someone else along the way, sometimes that's okay.