Two years ago, I thought I knew who I was. I was wrong.
I have never told you this in person how I felt about you just because I didn't know what I was feeling. Since sophomore year of high school, I questioned who I was. It was the summer that we met that changed my whole perspective, so thank you.
If I could go back in time and confess my feelings to you, I would in a heartbeat.
It was the summer going into my senior year when I attended a summer camp through a local Honors College in Ohio. The program was meant to give exposure to a wide variety of college courses, to give high schoolers an opportunity to explore potential majors/careers while earning some credit. It was only a week long event, but I didn't know it would be a week that changed my life.
While looking at different uses of communication and social media, you were all I could focus on. No, we weren't in the same classes, but thankfully we were in the same friend group. There was something about the vibe I got off of you. You marched to the beat of your own drum and that's one of the many things I admired about you. Your individualism pushed me beyond my own limits as I wanted to get to know you more.
If I had a clone, you would be it. You and I both have the drive to be great and to do great things in this world. Your imagination and creativity never cease to amaze me. You are an innovator and just an overall boss. I loved listening to your thoughts, dreams, and opinions. You were just perfect to me, and I'd only just met you.
That was when I realized I was getting a crush on you. I loved your brain, personality, and wide smile. You were everything I wanted in a significant other but I didn't know at the time that's what I was feeling until weeks later.
We talked briefly a few weeks after that summer camp, but you lived in Ohio and I lived in Pennsylvania. Of course, we tried making plans to hang out with one another, but it never happened. We just lost contact, which is okay. That's just how life works sometimes.
But from time to time, I still thought about you.
Sure, I thought of you and what you might be doing, but mostly of the feelings I felt towards you. I recognized them as getting a crush, but still felt confused. For a majority of my life, I grew up Catholic and knew that I was straight. It was never an issue of accepting LGBTQ+ individuals. It was more of what I was told my whole life: "You're straight" and "You are going to marry a wonderful man and have kids."
Meeting you changed that. Over the next couple of weeks, I began to realize more my attraction to other girls and people in general. October of my senior year, I came out as pansexual, and since then, I've been the happiest I've ever been.
So to the girl that helped me realize I'm queer, thank you. Little do you know, you walked into my life and changed it forever. I'll always be grateful for that! You help push me closer to embracing my true, authentic self.
Hopefully our paths will cross again someday so I can really thank you in person.