I'm Not Ready To Settle Down Any Time Soon

I'm Not Ready To Settle Down Any Time Soon

I don't even know what I'm having for dinner tonight, I have no idea when I'll get married.

At 20 years old I'm at kind of a weird time in my life. Half of my friends are starting to get engaged, married or have kids while the other half can't ever seem to remember chugging an entire bottle of wine in one night isn't a good idea. The more I hang out with those first mentioned friends the more they ask me when I'll follow suit. I jokingly tell them I won't be married till I'm 30, except it isn't completely a joke. I am in absolutely no hurry to settle down.

Some people, like my very supporting parents are completely fine with this. They understand my stubborn streak inside of me and my fierce independence. They'll also be some of the first to tell you I'm probably not ready right now anyway. I don't always do the greatest in relationships right now. I tend to not open up well to others and I get annoyed way too quickly. And while they aren't necessarily good habits, I'm young, I need to learn who I really am on my own before I'm with anyone else.

Other people like, God love her, my Grandmother pushing her 80's is convinced I'm destined to be an old spinster. I can't tell you how many times I've heard from her au

And others think that I'm getting older, it's time to start settling down. I'm only 20, not even old enough to legally drink, and some people genuinely expect me to settle down soon. When I tell them I don't want to start having kids til I'm 28 or have been married for at least two to three years they look at me like I'm crazy. Obviously, as a female, I was put on this earth to get married and make babies in a timely fashion. I guess I missed that memo.

The trend of settling down at a young age seems like it's coming back as a society norm slowly. When my grandparents were young, you married between 16 to 20 or you really were a spinster. Not long ago, it started to become frowned upon being married at a young age. In reality, no matter what you do people will judge you for your decision regardless.

Working on my junior year of college I'm more focused on passing my classes, finding internships and next Saturdays football game than I am on settling down. Some of my friends are ready or already have settled down and that's and that's a choice of theirs I'll gladly support. You can bet I'll be the first on the dance floor at their wedding, or I'll cry happy tears for them holding their newborn baby. I just hope they'll be happy for me as I make my own way in the world on my own.

I'm not saying I'll never settle down with someone. Who knows, I might bump into Mr. Right by chance tomorrow night at the grocery store. Until then, though, I'll be perfectly content on my own.

Cover Image Credit: Blake Fox

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Just Because I Check My Boyfriend's Location Every Hour Doesn't Make Me A 'Psycho Girlfriend'

No, checking his location every hour does not make me psycho.

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a few months now. He has come up with describing my actions sometimes as “psycho girlfriend.” As much as this bothered me at first I started to realize there is nothing wrong with my “psycho” actions.

I don’t monitor who my boyfriend hangs out with and I don’t care who he texts, I trust him, but I do watch other things he does.

I probably check his location about once an hour, maybe more if he isn’t texting me back.

This isn’t some way for me to find out if he is with another girl, it’s so I can ensure he isn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. If he was on Snapchat five minutes ago but hasn’t texted me back in 45 minutes, yeah I’ll call him out on it but I'm not actually mad. If he is with friends and not answering me, it’s cool. I just want to be able to make sure I know where he is and that he is alive on a regular basis.

I make him keep his read receipts on for me.

I don’t care if he leaves me on read, I just need to know he is seeing what I’m saying. Half the time, I text him random facts or thoughts I have throughout my day, those don’t always need a response back. However, I do want to know he is acknowledging me through reading my texts.

Yes, from time to time I will spam him and make him respond to my messages so we can make plans or I can know what he is doing with his day but it’s not like I plan out his every move for him or care if he is getting drunk with the boys on a Wednesday, not my issue.

I don’t ask for all of his time or anything. I know he is a busy person. All I ask for him to text me back on a regular basis (once an hour to be exact), for him to allow for me to know where he is at all times and to get one night a week with him.

I don’t plan to show up where he is or anything, I simply just like to know information and get a weekly time with him. I don’t care if I only see him that one night a week, I just want one night with a movie or dinner or snuggles so I can get my boyfriend time.

The rest of the time he is his own person, and I couldn’t really care less about what he does in that time.

Cover Image Credit: Grace Wilkowski

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Sometimes Ghosting Is Actually Necessary, So Don't Let It Haunt You

There will be times in your life where cutting people off is the only option.

Recently I had read an article basically stating that "ghosting" is a form of emotional abuse.

To a certain extent, I can agree with this statement.

I personally wouldn't call it "abuse," but I know from personal experience how painful and damaging it can be to have someone who once had your soul just start ignoring you out of nowhere.

It can leave the person on the receiving end pondering their actions and thinking, "Where did it all go wrong? Was it something I said?"

However, as someone who has been both the "ghostee" and the "ghoster," I can safely say that sometimes ghosting others is the only way to handle the situation.

For example, I made friends with someone in high school that I should not have been friends with.

This person was the definition of toxic, and it got to the point where I could not take it anymore. For almost two years, I was controlled, gaslighted, manipulated, talked down to, abused, etc.

Once I decided to try (and ultimately fail) to call it quits, the manipulation and gaslighting got worse.

I decided to text them and explain to them why I could no longer have them in my life.

After multiple rumors being spread about me and numerous middle fingers thrown my way as we passed each other in the hallway, they somehow managed to worm themselves back into my life, claiming that they had changed.

They had not changed.

Fast forward to my last year in high school. They had already graduated, but they remained at home with their family, which was two blocks away from my house.

Therefore, ignoring them was still nearly impossible.

After reaching my breaking point for the second time, I decided that my first attempt at closure was not going to work.

I decided that ignoring them completely was the way to go.

For months, the text messages did not stop. They saw that I had read the messages; they wanted to get my attention.

There were plenty of times where I wanted to respond, but I knew that's what they wanted from me. Any kind of response was a positive response to them.

I held my ground as long as I could, but then the messages became manipulative and threatening once more.

For the sake of my own sanity (which I barely had left), I had to block their number.

Once I did that, I felt so free! I could finally breathe again!

I could finally focus on my healthy friendships rather than dwelling on a friendship that was the equivalent of drinking poison.

You are allowed to remove people from your life. You are allowed to cut people off with no explanation.

Ghosting isn't always a bad thing. Yes, it can hurt like Hades when you're the receiver, but think about what's going on with the person on the other end.

Sometimes you just have to end it with people. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

Cover Image Credit: Becca Tapert

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