3 Life-Hacks that Make You Look Clever (Even if You're an Idiot)

3 Life-Hacks that Make You Look Clever (Even if You're an Idiot)

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Clever people get a ton of benefits: their ideas are made reality by those who are less clever; they co-ordinate their own actions in a way that leaves them comfortable and moneyed; most of all, they gain the respect of others.

But how do we know when someone is clever? Well, it's a lot more superficial than you think.

Clever things happen in the brain and seeing as you can't mind-read, it's hard to know what someone is actually thinking. For that reason, we tend to base our judgements about people's character by their physical imprints on our perceived reality. In other words, things like what they wear, what they say and if they tend to fart in crowded public spaces affect our opinion of them.

This doesn't just work for things like thinking someone is super cool or dangerously unhygienic, it also works for how clever we think people are. So, if you're self-aware enough to realise how little of that quality you possess, then you might want to read up on these sneaky life-hacks that trick people into thinking that you're bursting with it! Respect and money, come hither...

3. Say That Things are Clever

"Now that, is a clever business model," says Frank, while he slowly nods his head, holds his chin and squints inquisitively. Lucky for him, it works. None of his suit-and-tie clad brethren follow him up with the deadly one-word question, "why?" Because that is as far as he is going with that thought. Frank doesn't know the first thing about businesses, let alone complex, abstract theoretical models of them! But he's giving the first technique a go. Lets see how it goes down.

"Mmm, you're right," says Kevin, unwittingly saving Frank's bacon and fortifying his false image of cleverness, "I can see how that works because..."

After a long explanation, to which Frank affirmatively nodded at what he thought were key points and went "Mm," at what he hoped were even keyer points, he says, "Wow, Kevin, I'm impressed with your knowledge of such things."

He knows he's struck gold when Kevin looks at the two grey-haired suits opposite them and nods towards Frank, eyebrow raised, "well, I learned from the best."

Then, the grey-haired big shots look at each other, nod, and hand over a contract for Frank to sign, "This is a once in a lifetime promotion Frank, we're handing over the business to you. All of it! We need someone smart, no, clever to run things, and we think you might just be the guy."

A flawless victory for Frank. Why did this work? Because who else would be able to know something is clever unless they are clever themselves? See? Irrefutable logic. I wouldn't go about trusting an idiot's idea of how clever something is. Would you?

[NOTE: This technique obviously works better if you have a slight incling that something is clever, because you run the risk of seeming like an idiot if in fact, whatever you're commenting on is not clever at all.]

E.g. "that's clever":

2. Wear Glasses

The first technique has logic. There is a clear reason as to why it works.

This one lacks logic or reason, yet is one of the most powerful techniques of all.

It requires no effort whatsoever either mentally or physically, because all you have to do is let the glasses sit on your face. The moment they are worn, your exterior image begins to exude heaps of clever juice before you've even said a word.

So, unless you're already visually impaired, then buy a pair of glasses. They don't have to actually aid your sight for the technique to work, all they need to do is sit there on the bridge of your nose, looking down at the rest of the world, judging their idiocy.

Justin Timberlake is a famous example of how even a hollow head can seem so clever that they become rich and famous.

I feel bad giving you a technique without an explanation of why it works, but as soon as I find out why not being able to see very well makes people think you're clever, I'll let you know.

[NOTE: People who are actually sight impaired are fine. However, this technique fails once other people find out you don't actually need to wear glasses, so you may have to weave a web of lies about the quality of your eyesight if using this technique regularly.]

1. Grow a Goatee, Then Stroke It

Picture this: Ricky Martin, the Puerto-Rican pop-star, is sitting at a cafe with an espresso on the table beneath his clean-shaven beard, which he's stroking with his thumb and forefinger, whilst looking up at the water pipes that surround the roof of the building.

What's he thinking about? Probably something dumb like, "How did I get here?" or "I bet one there is hat face dates lard in."

Now picture this: Ricky Martin, the Puerto-Rican pop-star, is sitting at a cafe with an espresso on the table beneath his 3-inch goatee, which he's stroking with his thumb and forefinger, whilst looking up at the water pipes that surround the roof of the building.

What's he thinking about this time? Definitely something clever like, "wow, despite the convex curvature of the roof and the irregular formation of the slatted tiles, it seems like the drainage system works perfectly," or "I am living the crazy life."

Did you spot the difference between the two copy and pasted sentences? No, not that one is further down the screen than the other, though that is one difference. The difference I meant was that in the second instance, Ricky Martin has a goatee. The goatee, by nature, effervesces images of ancient Chinese philosphers into our minds and then projects those images onto the wielder of the goatee, making them seem more clever (whether or not they actually are).

Those are some clever eyebrows.

[NOTE: loose, unwashed hair that goes beyond the shoulders will reverse the positive projection effect mentioned above, as images of violent bikers and Lemmy from the band Motorhead will fill the eyes of the beholder. Washed ponytails boost the effect.]

Now that you've read this secret tome that all the stupid clever people wanted to keep to themselves, you can slyly hide among them, reaping their benefits and leaving them to question who the real clever people are.

"Wow, this is a really clever article!" - Steve Stobden, Alumni.

Did these techniques work for you? Are you now stinking rich because you're the CEO of a huge charity organisation like OXFAM? Let me know if these methods worked below.

Cover Image Credit: previews

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20 Fun Facts To Use When Introducing Yourself

As we embark on the semester, we are put on the spot in order to share interesting details about ourselves. This article discloses possible fun facts to tell others!
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After experiencing my first week of classes, I have learned that every student needs a handy-dandy list of fun facts about themselves to tell other people. Many professors use the first couple of classes to learn about their students, so you may need to think about who you are and how you want to introduce yourself to your professor and classmates. We all have that one go-to interesting fact about ourselves, but sometimes you just have to mix it up!

1. My favorite hobby is...

What do you do in your free time? Personally, I love to stay active! I am a competitive Latin dancer and enjoy teaching and taking Zumba classes, going to the gym, and hiking.

2. I love...

Is there something, someone, or somewhere that you love? What makes your heart ache? What do you miss when it's gone? I can say that I love my friends because I feel my most confident when I'm surrounded by those who love and support me.

3. I look up to...

Is there someone you adore? Who mesmerizes you? Who do you wish to learn from? After watching "A Ballerina's Tale," I discovered Misty Copeland. In 2015 she became the first African American ballet dancer to become the Female Principal Dancer at American Ballet Theatre. Her passion, grace, and strength continuously motivate me to better myself as an athlete and an individual.

4. This art speaks to me because...

Coco Chanel said, "In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different." This encourages me to always follow my heart no matter what. I will never follow society's standards and norms because they do not define me. Chanel's saying definitely influences my character and lifestyle.

5. A funny and/or embarrassing memory of me is...

When you make others laugh they want to spend time and make memories with you! Don't be afraid to embarrass yourself. You will come off as down to earth, easy-going, and loyal.

6. My siblings or lack thereof influenced me by...

I can go on and on about my brother, who is 10 years older than I. We have opposite personalities and despite the age gap, we're quite close.

7. My pet(s) are my life because...

Only sad people don't like hearing about furry creatures, even if your pets are slimy and slithering creatures all human beings enjoy hearing pet tales!

8. I'm afraid of...

Your personality can be revealed by your likes and dislikes, including the things that you fear. I am terrified of change and the unknown, hence, the future is an anxiety-inducing topic to discuss for me.

9. I am the way I am because...

What have you gone through in life that has shaped you into who you are today? Remember to be open minded and allow yourself to open up to your peers. You may be surprised by how others respond and/or what others have endured as well.

10. The most unusual item that can be found in your dorm...

This is a fun fact about yourself that can easily liven up an awkward conversation. Think about your quirks and differences! One item I have in my dorm is my teddy bear, Peter, whom I like to joke is my boyfriend.

11. My dream job is...

In college, "What's your major?" is a widespread question. Nonetheless, skip the boring statement of "I'm majoring in..." and go in depth on what your dream job is (hopefully your major factors in to this dream of yours).

12. My hidden talents are...

Angelina Jolie is a knife thrower. Kendall Jenner can produce bird noises. Amanda Seyfried can crochet and knit. Is there anything special you can do? Some people have rare and unique talents, maybe you can think of some hidden talents of your own!

13. My guilty pleasure is...

I will say it a million times: don't be shy when introducing yourself to new people! I'll start by divulging my guilty pleasure: Youtube's family vlogging channel, "OKBaby"!

Check them out: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvUCbnwzySKgbKiB_...



14. Some activities on my bucket list are...


This is an easy way to grab people's attention and find others with similar desires as you. Be an adventurer! Go out of your comfort zone!

15. Talk about your best friend...

How would your best friend describe you? What do you love to do with your best friend?

16. Talk about an accomplishment of yours...

You are incredible and have achieved so much! Reveal something that you are proud of — show off a little!

17. This one time at my job...

Bosses breathing down your neck. Curious coworkers asking personal questions. Cursing customers who never leave you alone. Your job can be filled with tons of hilarious situations that can easily entertain a crowd.

18. During the summer...

Any scars with stories? Any summer flings? Any lessons learned from the tanning too long? Now that summer is over, disclose memories that can leave positive impressions on others.

19. I volunteer at...

Do you do any community service? Share a funny moment while you were volunteering. What did you learn while there? Would you continue?

20. [blank] is meaningful to me because...



What do you appreciate in life? What brightens your day? What makes you fall in love? What does someone have to do to make you smile?

Finally, remember to be outgoing! Reveal that three-mile smile and open your arms to learning about others. Spread smiles, love, and happiness.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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20 Things I'd Do If The Concept Of Time Was Abolished

If only our lives weren't limited by time.

amrojas
amrojas
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Recently, news outlets have been reporting on how the people of Sommarøy, a Norwegian island located north of the arctic circle, would like to remove the concept of time. This is largely in part due to the fact that the sun does not set during much of the summer nor does it rise during the winter. The inhabitants of Sommarøy do not have rigidly separated days and nights like the rest of the world and can be found doing normal daytime activities at 2 am in the summers.

They also would like to take clocks out of their society. Although this lifestyle might seem impractical to the rest of us, I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to live in a world where time is irrelevant, in regards to the concept AND the physical effects of its passing. This newfound information gave rise to ideas of things (some simple, some whimsical) I'd do if the concept of time did not exist and we had as much time to do the things we wanted.

1. Live on a ship at sea.

2. Watch a flower grow from a seed to its death.

3. Apply as much makeup as desired without being late.

4. Retake my favorite college courses and participate as fully as I possibly can, including the completion of every single reading and film.

5. Take a non-stop trip through every country in the world.

6. Learn to play and fully master every single musical instrument in existence.

7. Watch a full rotation of Earth around the sun from space.

8. Live by myself in a cabin at the edge of the woods a la Thoreau.

9. Reread every single book that shaped my childhood.

10. Have a brief conversation with every old friend.

11. Re-drink that first sip of the perfect cup of coffee.

12. Observe how the tides change with the lunar cycle.

13. Learn as many languages as possible.

14. Sit at the beach and listen to music for days.

15. Train for an Olympic event.

16. Write a detailed, thorough analysis of every track in my favorite movie soundtracks.

17. Take a photo of every interesting place I visit and every little nook I find peace in and make a physical photo album.

18. Cook food without burning it.

19. Watch a star's life cycle from birth to death.

20. Replay the feeling of coming home.

amrojas
amrojas

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