An Open Reaction Letter To "I Didn't Know I Raped My Boyfriend"
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

An Open Reaction Letter To "I Didn't Know I Raped My Boyfriend"

I am survivor, I have lived through the very thing you so casually admitted to doing online for the whole world to see.

661
An Open Reaction Letter To "I Didn't Know I Raped My Boyfriend"
Pexels

Sexual assault does not discriminate. Rapists do not care what the color of your skin is, how tall you are, how old you are, or if you are male, female, underage or elderly--and the rapist will mostly not care if you are in a committed relationship with them. Sexual assault is a prevalent problem not only in the US, but around the globe. Sex crimes are rising and it is only now, in 2017, that people are becoming more aware of it. Consent and “No means No” has become something we are learning the true complexity of--but is it truly complex?

I’ve always stuck to the rule, “Stop” means “Stop”. That “No” means “No.” I can say no and change my mind--I can change my mind after saying no, change it again and say “NO” again. That’s consent. Without a clear, concise “Yes” there is no consent.

So, to the young woman who posted an article stating, “I Raped My Boyfriend and I Didn’t Know It", I am officially calling you out.

You stated multiple times in your own account of events that what you did, as you did it, you were aware that it was wrong. Yet you continued. You confessed to pressuring your partner into sex--which is called “coercion”. That does not equal consent.

You stated because in previous conversations you had with him he expressed his interest in having sex with you. You then went on to say since you were together, you saw no problem going into a room where he was sleeping, and going on to “fuck” him--while he was asleep, responding--but still asleep. That was rape. When he woke up and tried to fight you off, and asked you to stop and repeatedly told you no, you coerced him into letting you finish raping him. You didn’t fuck him. You raped him.

I have rarely said this aloud, and in the times I have I could barely stand to continue with the conversation: But, while I was in a committed relationship with a male partner whom I had regular sexual intercourse with, we were beginning to instigate sex. My best friend called, and I tried to tell her it wasn’t a good time--but everything changed. She needed me, and conveniently lived down the street. When I heard her crying, telling me it would be okay and hung up--I told my partner I couldn’t continue, and I had to go. He dismissed it, tried to get me to see that my Best Friend was a grown up, and could handle things on her own. But he never really cared to know about how things between me and my lifelong best friend worked. He didn’t know as much about me and my friends and family as I knew about him.

I told him I had to go, and it wouldn’t take long--worst case, he could grab some food from the kitchen and we could have our little rendezvous later in the evening. But he wouldn’t listen. I kept saying no as he pulled off my pants and continued to initiate sex, but because I had conditioned myself not to scream in situations where I was being harmed--from a lifetime of abuse--I had conditioned myself to laugh instead. So while I said no and kicked at him, he saw me being playful. I am naturally a playful, cheery and laid back person. I tease and taunt and enjoy cracking jokes. And boy, I love laughing. But I gave in, because 1) He was stronger than me 2) I was in love with him 3) I didn’t want to lose him, and 4) Because the sooner he finished, the sooner I could yell at him, tell him to leave and go help my best friend.

The moral of the story is: You don’t write an article confessing to a crime and make yourself the victim, claiming you didn’t know what you were doing. You yourself claimed to have taken multiple classes on consent, sexual assault and healthy relationships--you knew what you were doing, you knew you didn’t have his consent, and you did it anyways.

My ex, he knew I had been abused, and he knew when I said “No” I meant “NO”. But because of years of abuse and conditioning myself to laugh instead of scream so I could avoid further injury or damage, he went with it. He thought, “She’s mine to fuck whenever I want. She is always up to fuck. Her best friend can wait. She’s laughing, she’s play fighting. Her no isn’t real--she’s being a tease.”

I wasn’t being a tease. I was withdrawing consent. He raped me. I can barely type it, say it or even think it. Because despite the fact he didn’t love me as I loved him, despite the fact he didn’t respect me at all, despite the fact our relationship wasn’t what it was meant to be--I can’t bear the weight that will be put on my heart and my soul to admit that someone I trusted, someone I loved, could do something so careless, and that I allowed it.

I am a victim--no--I am a survivor of sexual abuse and sexual assault. Childhood, Adolescence, and Spousal abuse/assault. All of it. It has, unfortunately, plagued my existence.

So what I will say to you now is fuck you, and I pray that you see the horror of your ways, the damage you have permanently inflicted and I pray that this never, ever happens to you. Because, if it happened to you, it would be a different article, a different conversation, and yet, it would still be disgusting, and horrible to have to think about.

Do us and everyone a favor--turn yourself in. You have an online confession, so just follow through and go to the authorities. Allow your ex, your victim, to heal. And please, never assume you have consent again.

Sincerely,

A survivor.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

57038
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

36777
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

958542
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

190007
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments