I’ve spilled wine glasses not even two minutes after entering restaurants. I’ve tripped over my own feet. I’ve laughed so hard water has come out my nose. Sometimes important pieces of information go over my head.
I’m the kind of person that is happy to be happy. I’d rather be silly than stressed. But sometimes I unintentionally do silly things (like mispronounce commonplace words or walk in the wrong direction). I’m fine with that. But I’m not fine with how people see how I act in certain situations...and then assume that I’m not intelligent.
Some people might think I’m a little ditsy. Maybe I am, sometimes.
But that’s not all I am. Don’t think less of me; don’t think I’m stupid.
People won’t tell you outright that they don’t think you’re smart. What hurts more than the tone of voice they take when they explain something to you as if you were a child is the look of surprise they get when you prove them wrong.
“You got a 97% on that test?” “You were talking to the professor after class just because?” Yes. Yes I was. Yes I did. I actually like learning.
I could list out my scholarships, internships, academic accomplishments, and things that would qualify one as “smart.” Even Pottermore determined I was a Ravenclaw. Buzzfeed told me I was a Ravenpuff (I definitely have Hufflepuff qualities). But I won’t. I won’t justify all the reasons why I’m smart. My intelligence isn't a checklist to be marked off, one box at a time. I don't need a ribbon or a cookie or a pat on the head (though sometimes it's nice). Why is that so surprising?
It feels weird to me to brag about my accomplishments to prove something. I like sharing my stories and my enthusiasm with people, not bragging to feel better about myself.
So who do I need to prove? My family and friends? They've seen me at my worst and at my best. Facebook? A tally of likes doesn't really count. The people I know and don't like? Why should I need to earn their approval?
I don't need to be somber and aloof to be considered smart. I may not have a 4.0. I may not know much...but I know that the people I love don't care about any of that. I know that I don't need other people's confidences in myself, I just need my own, for me.