We’ve all heard different stories about being the model minority. If you haven’t, then you either have the privilege of not being a minority to experience such a thing, or you’re simply not critical enough to catch yourself in those situations. Despite how offensive or shocking that came across, it wasn’t stated to be taken as a negative characteristic.

It is my reality, and I am entitled to share it as much as you’re entitled to your opinions.

But, let’s not let a difference in viewpoint prevent or discourage us from learning about other people’s reality. I am a black woman, made in Africa and raised in America. So does that make me African? Or American? More like the perfect African American; whatever that means.

I do not believe in labels like African American, or Black, but at the same time, I can’t escape them. These labels follow me everywhere. From the moment, I wake up and step into the vibrant city life of Seattle, I am not treated as a black person, but a black woman.

Therefore, I try my best to represent that to the best of my ability. By making sure that my clothes are as clean as my soul, my shoes are as clean as the sidewalk they step on, my voice is as soft and my words are as clear as the girl next door so my professor would take me seriously. I have to make sure that my hair is not stuck to my scalp after sleeping on it last night.

Most importantly, I have to smile at all times. Smile when people tell me that they didn’t recognize me because my hair changed my face and eventually made them forget who I was until I reintroduced myself. I can’t blame them – sometimes, I forget who I am too until I am forced to remind myself.

This week I had to do just that. For the first time in a year, I lost my patience with ignorance and passive racism. Maybe because it is almost finals week, or I am simply too overwhelmed. But, I refuse to dismiss my feelings and make excuses for its roots. I already have to deal with being the “model minority” at work, so when I have to deal with that outside of it, things become too much for me to handle.

I hate being the model minority, to be honest, but I also want to understand how to work in those types of environments. You know the type – where most employees are white and the few hired blacks are willing to mold themselves into the company’s idea of diversity. Why? Because that is my reality. I can either be the model minority or the angry black woman.

There is no grey area for me because I am not a mixture of the color black and white. I am simply a woman with a divine purpose and a queen with an invisible crown that is only as powerful as my voice.

Being a model minority means not belonging anywhere because you're a model, a prototype, that can be altered, modified and discarded at any time. Being a model minority means doing your job and simply coping with being misrepresented and misunderstood when you make jokes that are not considered "Caucasian-friendly."

Being a model minority means holding back every urge to react to racism with anger and redirecting the conversation to an objective one. Being the model minority is who you become when you allow your beliefs and labor to be appreciated.

Being a model minority is avoiding talking about racism to avoid making your boss uncomfortable or because no one wants to partake in the lengthy conversation that is overdue.

I am overdue for an apology to myself. And today I want to say I am sorry for sleeping on my feelings. I am sorry for not being woke. I am sorry for thinking that I could only be an angry woman or a model minority. The reality is I can be whoever I want to be because If am a queen from an empire that was once the most powerful in the world. And, today is the day I decide what that looks like and I am never looking back at what I lost in the process of standing up for what I believe in my tinted soul and innocent heart even if it has to bleed to pay the cost.

At least, I know that I too did my part when the opportunity came to choose between addressing passive racism or maintaining peace in the “age of colorblindness.”