Rape Culture Is Alive And Works In Subtle Ways
Health and Wellness

Rape Culture Is Alive And Works In Subtle Ways

I am tired of the riddles and being expected to read words that aren't even there.

156
Rape Culture Is Alive And Works In Subtle Ways
Pexels- Garon Piceli

I was texting a guy when I realized I was a little uneasy with someone I should not have to be uneasy about at all. "Wanna chill?" were the words that were said. Now, I am certainly the kind to overthink and in a way, I think the world has kind of forced me to think like this as it has done to many women. We are forced to think a little harder, read in between the lines, and interpret words that could mean a thousand different things.

Every day, we are forced to speak a thousand different languages. I ask what chill means — if this means that he desires to spend time with me or if this means he is going to attempt to sleep with me only to cast me out if and when I say no.

I am forced to decipher this word and when I inquire what it means exactly and what his plans are I am faced with the same vague behavior that really offers no answers except for the ones I come up with myself. Again, I am forced to read words that just aren't there, words he has not yet given me. I am forced to de-code the phrases he gives me and hope that maybe they're something different this time, maybe he wants something more than that. Perhaps he desires to talk under the stars, read poetry, drink, laugh, and give me the things I covet on the movie screens.

I hate people who say they're all the same, who put men in a category and women in the other and say that if you don't like it, you must accept it because that's just the way it is. We are fluid and we are different and if we use our voices, assault and incidents such as the tragedy of Aziz Ansari can be avoided. "Want to come up to my apartment?" should not serve as a coded phrase for sex. Sex should not be coded or complicated.

We shouldn't have to go through a series of complicated phrases, deciphering and decoding each one if we are being asked to engage in it. Such behavior often can lead to confusion and court cases. If your desire is intercourse masking it by asking to "chill" or "hang out" is low and frightening. It sends off messages that you don't even desire to actually ask. If you don't have the courage to ask, then you shouldn't have the right to engage.

These phrases, this speaking in riddles, are all too much to me. It burdens me deeply and saddens me to know we so often don't say what we mean. If you say what you mean asking me for things I don't want, I will most assuredly turn you down. But the thing is: at least I'll know. I'll know what you desire of me and what I want from you and those things won't add up to the same thing so we will part our ways without awkwardness, I feel certain.

These riddles are sad, sick, and gross. This game is one of manipulation. Talking in riddles with twisted agenda is one of the many ways rape culture is fueled in this day and age. A perfect example will be the lackluster confusion of consent in the Aziz Ansari case. He never asked for sex, but rather demanded it and expected it. She was in his apartment and coming up to his place of residence had to mean consent, didn't it?

No.

It was not.

Not in the slightest.

If words were verbalized to ask for intimacy instead of phrases of vague riddles, I am sure the circumstances could have been handled better.

I grow weary of the game. I grow weary of men claiming women are the crazy ones, the complicated ones, as they speak in their tongues in riddles. I also grow weary of the finger pointing, one person saying the other is the problem. I grow tired of the lack of communication and how words are strung together often to mask one's true meaning and true desire. I want the words you say to mean something.

Words are valuable and using them as a mask to manipulate is a cruelty like no other. All in all, I'm tired of the lies, the games, the phrases, the lines, the riddles, and saying what you don't even really mean to hide your agenda. "Come over," or "Let's chill," or "Wanna hang," are two words of the utmost riddance all offering secret meanings we are required to decipher. This is rape culture 2018.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Swoon

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less

Whether you're in an unhealthy relationship currently, you know someone who is, or you just want to have these numbers saved just in case it could one day save someone's life (if not your own), this article is for you. Here are three numbers to save in your contacts ASAP so you can always be safe, both physically and mentally, in every relationship.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

If I Unfriend You During The 2020 Election, Yes, It's Personal

President Donald Trump and Joe Biden's plans for Black America matter.

The Black Lives Matter movements have sparked widespread conversations and protests across the nation. With justice not being served for the murders of innocent Black people like Breonna Taylor and absolutely no support from President Donald Trump, this upcoming election is quite important.

Keep Reading... Show less

The Caribbean is a place where people go for vacation, but if you set out from a cruise ship you miss out on all the beautiful culture. Their exotic beaches are nothing without their zinging food and hospitality. Locals in the Caribbean are warmhearted with a zest to live life to the fullest.

This is exactly where most of their words and phrases come from, having a good time. I definitely enjoyed myself living in the Caribbean, but it's not always about lounging. They get work done too and I've learned proper phrases for accomplishments.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

What's Coming To And Leaving Netflix In August For Your Summer Viewing Pleasure

Just in time for another your end of summer binge-watch list.

Flower Films, Warner Bros, New Line Cinema

August is here, which means we will be losing some of our Netflix favorites but gaining some new ones. Here is a list of TV shows and movies we will be losing and gaining on Netflix during August.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

Dear Closeted Latina,

You were never alone.

Remember how the Latin world got rocked when Ricky Martin came out?

Keep Reading... Show less
Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

I'll admit it, when I first met you, I wasn't sure how well things were going to work out. Although I didn't know you that well at the time, we seemed to be opposites in almost every way. You were cool, edgy, and laid-back, and I was more awkward, goofy, and anxious.

Keep Reading... Show less

It wasn't until I hit 23 years old that I started getting hangovers. It could've been from two glasses of wine or even a margarita at happy hour, the next day, consider me bed-bound until further notice.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Feel A Lil' Better: Because Air Travel Looks Different Now

If you have to travel, you can — you just have to take a few extra steps.

No matter how good (or bad) you'd describe your health, one thing is for sure: a little boost is ALWAYS a good idea. Whether that's reading a new, motivating book, or listening to a song that speaks to your soul, there are plenty of resources to help your health thrive on any given day.

As we are learning how to live our lives in the midst of a pandemic, one big question being travel. States that were initially labeled coronavirus (COVID-19) epicenters, like New York and New Jersey, are extra cautious in how freely residents can travel and then come home. Other states may not have the same travel restrictions as the epicenters, but one thing is for sure — no matter where you fly within the United States, that trip will look different than your usual summer vacation. Sure, it can still happen, you just need to take a few more steps to make sure your trip will go smoothly.

Keep Reading... Show less
Bobbie Hall

I've seen too many people faking various conditions to claim that they cannot wear face masks right now. Often, the claim is asthma and other breathing conditions. I figured it's time for people to hear from those who actually have these conditions. Not only are these people at a higher risk for serious complications after contracting COVID-19, but many of them also have been wearing face masks before this pandemic began. Take my mom, for example. As someone with damaged lungs, she has been using face masks for years. For those with compromised lungs, face masks protect from bad air-quality, dust, and other hazardous things that can be breathed in.

I figured hearing the facts from the source is the best way to hinder the spread of false information. I interviewed my mom about what life is really like for those with compromised lungs during this pandemic.

Keep Reading... Show less

According to Urban Dictionary, a "simp" is defined as "a man that puts himself in a subservient/submissive position under women in the hopes of winning them over, without the female bringing anything to the table." There are many other definitions for a "simp," but basically it's shaming men who are kind to women without getting anything in return.

Let's just stop attacking nice men. Work out your own issues, don't project your shortcomings onto another man. What happened to the brotherhood? Y'all can lie for each other, but can't raise each other up? You guys can encourage murder, gang rape, and violence against women — or at least stay silent about it — but can't let your brother know it ain't cool when they bring you down for being nice to women with no expectation?

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments