An Open Letter To Randy Jackson, Because Tweets Are Just Not Doing The Job

An Open Letter To Randy Jackson, Because Tweets Are Just Not Doing The Job

Now, before I get to the end of this, I want to know why my @YO_RANDYJACKSON tweets have always gone unanswered.
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Randy,

I've tweeted you many times. I have never once received a response. Well, Randy, I'm hurt.

Take a seat, please.

I guess I should start by saying why I love you so much. I honestly do not know how it happened, but at one point in my life - I said I was you in my second life. Thus started all of the tweets, jokes, "Randy" being yelled, and so much more.

It's been about five years now, and I think I'm upholding your name pretty well. I have taught little children about you. I have taught them the greatness of your "Yo dawgs!" And I have also enlightened them on why you were the best American Idol judge.

Sorry, Paula and Simon.

Anyways, Randy, I want to know - how are you? Has it been hard the past five years? I mean, I see you tweet occasionally, so why can't you respond to your biggest (not really) fan ever? I need closure, Randy.

I want you to know, my secret life has brought many laughs and weird looks. It's also incredibly shocking to restaurants when I put "Randy Jackson" as the name on my pick-up order. The look on their face is unforgettable.

It is a joy being able to make people laugh (at me) and smile because of you! Your presence in this world has made it possible for me to take on this secret life! It has brought tears from laughing to the faces of friends and strangers, RJ. Can I call you RJ or is that weird?

Now, before I get to the end of this, I want to know why my @YO_RANDYJACKSON tweets have always gone unanswered. I know you're busy, Randy, but I feel like you don't care about your fans. If you ever see this letter, I would be truly shocked. You seem to never see my tweets. It hurts, Randy, it hurts. This is what has come to. A letter on a platform with a large following.

I guess the point of this letter is simple. All I want is for you to know how much joy you have brought to people. I want you to know you are the reason behind an ongoing joke that may never end. I want you to know I use your "Dawg" quite frequently. Randy, you have made it possible for laughs to echo in a quiet room as I embarrass myself, yet again.

You have made people smile a big smile as they yell your name at a 5', white girl, from the Midwest. I want to thank you for that. Please help me to keep the smiles and laughter going, Randy. I'll keep yelling "Yo' Dawg!" and you, you keep it up!

Thanks for letting me carry your name in my secret life, Randy! You have a made difference in ages from 11-55! I won't let you down. I'll always let Simon know when he is wrong. And I'll always throw out some iconic lines.

Yours truly,

Randy Jackson II

Cover Image Credit: Emily Henrichs

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75 Of The Most Iconic Vine Quotes

"I smell like beef"

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Vine may be dead but Vine references live on. I still watch Vine threads AT LEAST twice a day. Here are 75 of the most quotable vines:

1. "Ooooooo, he needs some milk."

2. "Hi, welcome to Chili's."

3. "It is Wednesday, my dudes."

4. "Country boy, I love you ahhhwweelhwh..."

5. "Escalera oooooooaaaa!"

6. "F**k ya chicken strips!"

7. "Barbecue sauce on my titties."

8. "Gimme your F**KING money!"

9. "That was legitness."

10. "Ms. Keisha, MS. KEISHA! Oh my f**king God, she f**king dead."

11. "Fre-sha-vocado."

12. "Staaaahp! I coulda dropped my croissant!"

13. "That's my OPINION."

14. "You're not my dad, ugly ass f**king noodle head."

15. "What the f**k, Richard."

16. "This bitch empty, YEET!"

17. "Road work ahead? Yeah, I sure hope it does."

18. "What up, I'm Jared I'm 19, and I never f**king learned how to read."

19. "Um, I'm never been to oovoo javer."

20. "My God, they were roommates."

21. "Why are you running, why are you running?"

22. "Whoever threw that paper, your mom's a hoe."

23. "I can't swim."

24. "Lebron James."

25. "It's an avocado, thanksssss..."

26. "Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick."

27. "Watch your profanity."

28. "I love you bitch, I ain't never gonna stop loving you, biiiiiitch."

29. "What are thoooooose?"

30. "I smell like beef."

31. "You better stop."

32. "What the F**K IS UP KYLE?"

33. "Come get y'all juice."

34. "Two bros, chilling in a hot tub, 5 feet apart cause they're not gay."

35. "So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?"

36. "I wanna be a cowboy, baby."

37. "Why you always lying?"

38. "Nice Ron" "I sneezed, oh, what, am I not allowed to sneeze?"

39. "I'm washing me and my clothes."

40. "Honey, you've got a big storm coming."

41. "XOXO, gossip girl."

42. "Shoutout to all the pear."

43. "A potato flew around my room before you came."

44. "Chipotle is my life."

45. "Look at all those chickens!"

46. "YOU BETTER STOP."

47. "I like turtles."

48. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life, watermelon, INSIDE A WATERMELON."

49. "Deez nuts, HA GOT EM?"

50. "F**k you, I don't want no ravioli."

51. "21."

52. "I'm in my mum's car, broom broom."

53. "Iridocyclitis."

54. "You know what, I'm about to say it."

55. "That is NOT correct."

56. "Uh, I'm not finished" "Oh my God, can you let me do what I need to do?"

57. "I have osteoporosis."

58. "ADAM."

59. "Merry Chrysler."

60. "Wait a minute, who ARE you?"

61. "Try me, bitch."

62. "When will you learn, THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?"

63. "I didn't get no sleep cause of y'all, y'all not gone get no sleep cause of me!"

64. "Do you want to go see Uncle Cracker or no?"

65. "So no head?"

66. "You got eczema."

67. "I am shooketh."

68. "Hey my name is Trey, I have a basketball game tomorrow."

69. "Can I PLEASE get a waffle?"

70. "There is only one thing worse than a rapist." "A child."

71. "Ah f**k, I can't believe you've done this."

72. "Bitch, I hope the f**k you do."

73. "Two shots of vodka."

74. "F**k off Janet, I'm not going to your f**king baby shower."

75. "JEEEEEZ, Jesus Christ."

Cover Image Credit:

Vine/Katie Ryan

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8 Old Katelyn Tarver Songs You Probably Haven't Heard

None of her new songs will ever go as hard as "Chasing Echoes" and that's a fact.

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Years ago, I found (through iTunes recommendations) a pretty cool female artist. Later found out she was on "Big Time Rush", and then I found out she had some new songs out. I decided to give her new songs a listen, and they're good. However, I prefer some of her older stuff, which sadly isn't on Spotify. Fortunately, YouTube exists, and I'm here to share the best ones.


1. "Wonderful Crazy"

This is just a fun, upbeat song for when you're having a good day. Would recommend playing in your car with the windows rolled down.

2. "Rain"

I have a very specific memory of a time when this song blessed my life, but for all intents and purposes, it is a beautiful and happy song.

3. "I'll Make It Real"

This is a beautiful song with a wonderful message about staying true to yourself. I used to listen to it on the way to school every day my senior year of high school.

4. "Something In Me"

Featured in the greatest show of all time, "South of Nowhere" season 1 episode 6. A very relatable breakup mood.

5. "Love Alone"

This is definitely the second-hardest-hitting song she's ever released. The fact that this is not on Spotify or even iTunes anymore is just not fair.

6. "Favorite Girl"

This one's cute and upbeat, a definite crush mood. Not on the same level as "Love Alone", but it's still underrated.

7. "Closer to My Heart"

Another cute love song. I'll tie it with "Everything" for cutest love song on her first album. Highly recommend both.

8. "Chasing Echoes"

Facts are facts and the facts are that Katelyn Tarver's new stuff could never go as hard as "Chasing Echoes". I can't even begin to explain how deeply these lyrics cut through me when I was fifteen. Even now, this song can take me all the way back. She is robbing us by not making this available on streaming services (or even to purchase). Katelyn, bring this song back, I am begging you.

Anyway, I'm still enjoying the new stuff and am excited to see what's next.

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