I've tweeted you many times. I have never once received a response. Well, Randy, I'm hurt.
Take a seat, please.
I guess I should start by saying why I love you so much. I honestly do not know how it happened, but at one point in my life - I said I was you in my second life. Thus started all of the tweets, jokes, "Randy" being yelled, and so much more.
It's been about five years now, and I think I'm upholding your name pretty well. I have taught little children about you. I have taught them the greatness of your "Yo dawgs!" And I have also enlightened them on why you were the best American Idol judge.
Sorry, Paula and Simon.
Anyways, Randy, I want to know - how are you? Has it been hard the past five years? I mean, I see you tweet occasionally, so why can't you respond to your biggest (not really) fan ever? I need closure, Randy.
I want you to know, my secret life has brought many laughs and weird looks. It's also incredibly shocking to restaurants when I put "Randy Jackson" as the name on my pick-up order. The look on their face is unforgettable.
It is a joy being able to make people laugh (at me) and smile because of you! Your presence in this world has made it possible for me to take on this secret life! It has brought tears from laughing to the faces of friends and strangers, RJ. Can I call you RJ or is that weird?
Now, before I get to the end of this, I want to know why my @YO_RANDYJACKSON tweets have always gone unanswered. I know you're busy, Randy, but I feel like you don't care about your fans. If you ever see this letter, I would be truly shocked. You seem to never see my tweets. It hurts, Randy, it hurts. This is what has come to. A letter on a platform with a large following.
I guess the point of this letter is simple. All I want is for you to know how much joy you have brought to people. I want you to know you are the reason behind an ongoing joke that may never end. I want you to know I use your "Dawg" quite frequently. Randy, you have made it possible for laughs to echo in a quiet room as I embarrass myself, yet again.
You have made people smile a big smile as they yell your name at a 5', white girl, from the Midwest. I want to thank you for that. Please help me to keep the smiles and laughter going, Randy. I'll keep yelling "Yo' Dawg!" and you, you keep it up!
Thanks for letting me carry your name in my secret life, Randy! You have a made difference in ages from 11-55! I won't let you down. I'll always let Simon know when he is wrong. And I'll always throw out some iconic lines.
Randy Jackson II